to warn this lovely lady about my FiL?

[FullOfFestiveSpirits]

A bit of background, my FiL is in his 70s and has been married twice, divorced his first wife (MiL1), after having numerous affairs and leaving her just after she had DH, then remarried and also had affairs, even whilst MiL2 (a lovely lady) was in hospital/hospice dying of asbestosis. My DH tolerates his father, only letting him back in his life reluctantly, because we had liked MiL2, and, despite everything, he loves his grandchildren. Today he bought his new "beau" to our house to introduce her to us. She is a single lady in her late 60s, never been married, and seems to adore FiL. She seems really nice. While she was out of the room he made a comment that she "wasn't much of a looker, but she cooked and cleaned well!". DH is insensed and wants to tell this poor lady what a shit nasty person FiL really is. This lady seems to be quite intelligent, but FiL can be a real ladies man, very flattering to her face, and a real male chauvenist pig behind her back. I don't know whether we should warn her, or just leave her to find out for herself. By the way, DH 2 brothers also have a simular attitude to their dad, and he is taking her round theirs tonight and tomorrow.

Oh goodness what a tough one. He is clearly an unmitigated shit but its whether or not you and dp mind if he falls out with you both. If she is loved up she is unlikely to listen to you and he will give her a ton of guff about how his "terrible first wife" made the kids hate him and it will almost certainly just cause friction so I suppose, yes, tell her but be aware that it is mostly for your concience (as good a reason as any) and will probably not make much of a difference.

This would not worry DH too much, he has spent very little of his life in contact with his dad, in fact, he will not even call him dad, but uses his name. The problem is our DC, they adore their grandad, and would be heartbroken if all contact was cut, but I also feel guilty over letting this lady think she has found Gods Gift to Womenkind, when, in reality, he is an utter b***d to the ladies he has been involved with. I just hope her glasses are not too rosie tinted!

Does it need to be an all or nothing sort of thing? I mean you can drop some heavy handed hints to nice new lady without actually saying "he's a shit". Jokey comments re how FIL thinks we're still in the 50s etc. She can pick up on it or she can choose to ignore, but you'll have placed a seed of doubt in her head.

Other peoples relationships are other peoples business. Unless you are asked for an opinion. Which you havent been

How would you actually do it though? Take her aside and say, "You do know he's an absolute shit don't you?" I can understand the desire to save her pain but how?

DH did make a few comments like "we can see why he likes you, but what the hell do you see in him" type thing, but thats as far as it went today.

She seemed to take these as a joke, but maybe she will get a few more of this type of thing from our BiL when they are visited!

I would tell her,and I hope to god that somebody would do the same for me.

People tend to have different ideas about what constitutes "being a shit" for them. If I were you I would say nothing, as he might be her dream guy and not in any way a shit by her standards.

Tell her what he said about her. She should know now before she gets more involved.