Please make me feel better!
Basically said to my mom that we were spending christmas at home with the kids this year, last year my sister went with her partner and little girl who is the same age as my dd2, my mom and her partner have basically complaioned since then because my niece was quite disruptive during dinner. I basically said that we wanted to be home but would come and visit in the morning exchange presents etc and spend some time as we were in no rush as we cooked the turkey. I had said in passing that we were going to be on standby for mil and fil as their daughter has severe OCD and has been pretty bad recently and altho they had plans with her the chances were she would drop out at the last minute leaving them on their own at christmas which i don't like. Please bear in mind my mom has her step son and family over and we were not invited.
So anyway we ended up eating just the 4 of us (me dh and 2 dds) I texted my mom later in the evening to say hoped she'd had a lovely day, thank you presents and also that i was proud the girls behaved so lovely all day. She responded with 'thats good for a change' followed by ' they aren't usually good' now my dds are 3 and 2 and she is referring to dinner times which when the children are expected to sit a table for near on 2 hours void of personality then yes they do fail.
Anyway i bit and told it was unnecessary, I'd already had to apologise for not saying we were going to the pub xmas eve and inviting her when she has never accepted an invite before. It was last minute and they love 40 minutes away but maybe i should have just invited her to cover my back.
Now for news year eve she has invited me and dh with kids over but has stipluated dinner is when the children are in bed at 7.30pm (I would prefer to let the kids play til they drop to ensure a lie!) She had put it on her calendar in the kitchen and then when my sister was over last week my sister if she could come with her partner and daughter and I have text saying 'did you tell you sister about new years eve' and i knew she was annoyed, its just this constant problem she has with my kids, my sister, me, my bil, my mil, my dead dad... i could on and on but i just feel that I am constantly trying to protect her jelousy. For instance she bought dds scooters for xmas, i nearly died when mil asked if she could buy them a bike, but obviously i don't like dictating what people buy my children unless it is really unsuitable. So i kept the fact that they had bikes too from her, anyway she found out and her response was 'i'll take the scooters back as mil has clealy over shadowed the scooter' made me feel awful
finally she has said she has issues with sharing me with my mil etc but she is always put first and made to feel so, so i'm not neglecting her i just feel like i have to lie down and take it. My dad died six years ago and i won't go into the hassle i had from her then (they were divorced 4 years prior) but i have done nothing but include my stepdad, he even gets fathers day cards and present which he doesn't from his own bloody kids.
Anyway I have failed in my mission to stand up for myself as we tried to talk it through this morning and i lost my rag and called her an idiot, should i apologise, what should i bloody do- i'm at a loss and it has already ruined my xmas xx