To feel a little upset by this...?

[ScarletLadyOfTheNight01]

I really hope this doesn't come across as unfeeling, as it's not meant to. Basically, my sister is transgender (she was born in a male body and is having gender reassignment surgery next year). We've always been really close and I've tried my hardest to be supportive of her as I love her with all my heart. I've been to appointments at the London hospital with her, and sat through counselling session with her. I know how difficult it's been for her, so I've always made a massive effort to help her feel comfortable, but recently it's become hard.

I had my first child just over a year ago and she's become incredibly distant towards me. She's told me that seeing DD reminds her of everything she cannot have, and the limitations of her body. It's totally changed our relationship and I'm quite upset by it. I thought first of all if I gave her some space, then maybe she'll come round.

I really can understand how it must make her feel, and I sometimes feel I'm being selfish, but I really don't mean to be. It's not even the fact she doesn't seem to want a relationship with DD...I can understand why...it's more that she doesn't seem to want a relationship with me anymore...that's what's upsetting. I do sometimes worry that DD may pick up on weird vibes though.

I just can't help but feel like she could at least try a little more. Is that really unreasonable of me? I am sympathetic to her...I really am. I can't even imagine how tough it is...I know it seems I'm being very "me me me" but it's not like that...I just want my sister back.

Anyone with any advice on how to deal with this would be really appreciated.

You are not being selfish to have a child. Why should you deny yourself just because she is transgendered?!?!

I have a few trans* friends and I think they would agree with me that your sister was the one being selfish.

I don't think you're being 'me me me' at all. i think your feelings are natural and understandable. You've stood by your sister through thick and thin and it must feel like she's pushing you away. Your love for your sister comes through loud and clear. Keep the lines of communication as open as you can and hopefully, when she's worked through this she'll come back to you. Your relationship may never be the same but hopefully it can be as good as it has been.

I think she must be really hurting to find you having a child so difficult. I think you just have to carry on being your lovely supportive self and giving her opportunities to be involved in your lives. Maybe don't expect much back until she comes to terms with the whole baby thing - you are setting yourself up for heart break otherwise .

It's a difficult one, is there any way you could arrange to go out for a meal somewhere just the two of you without the baby and talk it out, have you told her you still want to be involved in her life and you want her to have a relationship with your DD. Would you consider giving her a special role in DD's life such as godmother to help strengthen their bond?

Its definately not you being "me me me".

Give her time, she is going through a lot herself,and that will probably make her very self centred right now.

In time she will probably appreciate the chance to be a fantastic auntie.

There are many women who are unable to conceive or carry a child - and maybe as part of the counselling sessions she's having - this also needs to be covered. I have a sister who been unable to have her own natural children due to health issues - T1 diabetes and Graves disease and a few other issues, so she has two PP foster children.

Your sister cannot conceive or carry a child - but that does not stop her becoming a mother.

she is jealous of you, many woman who can't have children would sympathise and undersand that, Never the less, it is something that she has to deal with. She is being unreasonable. She can't have her ownchildren, so yours are goingto be the closest she gets, and she is shutting herself of =from that. she is the one who stands to lose het most. if she can't get past this.Maybe she is realising exactly what the sexchange is going to coat her, and is having second thoughts.

Would there be any chance that she could have some sperm frozen before the final operation and then there may be the possibility of having a child through surrogacy in the future, she won't be able to carry a child but there could be one that is biologically hers?

Thankyou all for your thoughts...I had a good chat with some friends about it last night, and they all said pretty much the same things as you all have. She has thought about things like adoption etc. I guess I'll just have to give her time. DD is such an awesome lady I just want to share her with everyone!

Hi Scarlett. My Dad is transgender and at times he has said similar things to this - although he has 2 children he will never be able to carry one...I think it's just part of the thought process and conflicting emotion of being in that situation tbh. As time has gone on, she has become more able to rationalise certain things and accept that they won't/can't happen. She has been able to move on as time has gone by and has now settled very happily.

Give your DS time, I am sure counselling will help her. Good luck to you all.

You're not coming across as "me me me" at all, as everyone else has said, you've been a lovely caring sister. I suppose it's not surprising she feels a touch bitter- she must have spent her whole life wishing she'd just been born into the right body so she can have children and I think you're right to give her a bit of space to come to terms with the contrast between you. Could you perhaps write to her, explaining that you understand how hard it must be for her, but that you hope she will want a relationship with her niece one day and that you and she can be as close as you used to be, and that you'll always be there for her, whenever that time comes?

You sound like an amazing sister, you should not feel bad about anything