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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to go visiting today?

24 replies

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 10:39

merry christmaaaaaaaaaaasssss guys n gals.
DCs and I are shitty with colds. DH's oldest friends are hosting a Boxing Day party a long drive away from us. Due to medical reasons I don't drive and DH is keen to drink & stay overnight. DCs are 3mo & 22mo, I feel it won't be particularly relaxing for me. The friends are lovely but I'm worn out after all the Christmas preparations, cooking, etc. DH sees it as his chance to let his hair down. Tiny DC2 doesn't settle well at the best of times and even less when he's coughing and snotty. IME trying to settle cross babies in a new environment and travel cot is no barrel of laughs, having to run up and downstairs every 5 mins while everyone else is getting hammered is no barrel of laughs.

have encouraged DH to go alone so he can chill, get pissed, not stress about driving etc but he, very sweetly, says he doesn't want to leave us all on Boxing Day and will stay home with all of us if it comes to it..... He also says he'd love to go! As a compromise he suggests popping there for an hour to say hi, but knowing him like I do I know he'll be gutted to leave just as everything is hosting up.and I'll feel duty bound to stay. My head is heavy, my nose is streaming, the kids have rattly chests and runny noses. They are both edgy and fractious, I don't fancy all the stress of dressing them, packing all their gear and bundling them in the car. So we're now at an impasse... Please advise!

OP posts:

fivegomadindorset · 26/12/2011 10:40

Tell hime to go and stop being a martyr (him not you)

BluddyMoFo · 26/12/2011 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo · 26/12/2011 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheAnnoyingSatsuma · 26/12/2011 10:45

Tell him to go.

Bet he comes home early though

Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 10:45

bluddymofo you sound like me, libran by any chance?! Yes I agree he should go, I know he'll have a great time think it's guilt stopping him from going alone but I'd rather he did that than feeling all sad and missing out at home whilst embracing martyrdom.
I wouldn't even need to take off my dressing gown...

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ChistmasElfy · 26/12/2011 10:45

TBH no-one will thank you for turning up full of colds! You are better of staying at home and let DH decide what he wants to do. Really sounds as though the 3 of you need to snuggle all day not be in the car for ages and then unable to relax

BluddyMoFo · 26/12/2011 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 10:54

sounds like a plan then! I was really looking forward to the party but not like this. DH has actually gone back to bed. I think he's trying not to admit that he also has the lurgy so that he can still go and play with his friends... And I did host his mum yesterday so I feel as though all my hard work is done...
I'm also Bfing & baby is very easily distracted at the mo, so I keep having to find quiet places or he doesn't take a full feed & I am feeding every few minutes.

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ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 26/12/2011 10:55

Tell him to go and only stop for a while, but if he is enjoying himself to let you know and you can then tell him to stay.

I wouldn't be taking snotty dc's anywhere, they are enough of a handful when well!

ladyintheradiator · 26/12/2011 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 11:01

DH and I are both Libran. It's a trial.

OP posts:

skybluepearl · 26/12/2011 11:15

let him go for an hour and if he stays longer, then fair enough.

ChaoticAngel · 26/12/2011 11:23

Tell your DH to go on his own, I wouldn't want to go and drag two DC along if we were all feeling the way you are. It wouldn't be fair on anyone else at the party either.

Another Libran making the decision for you

I think....maybe...

sitandnatter · 26/12/2011 11:27

I think it is selfish and unfair to inflict snotty anyones on other people at anytime particularly Christmas. I'd be seriously unimpressed if someone turned up here with a streaming cold.

It's not fair on your or the children don't go, the compromise is that he can make his own mind up as to what to do.

RandomMess · 26/12/2011 11:43

Tell him to go, you're well enough to cope with the dc at home surrounded by peace and quiet but not well enough to cope with taking them elsewhere.

Firawla · 26/12/2011 11:46

he should just go by himself, that seems the obvious solution, why should he feel guilty about it as you have suggested it and it will be a pain for you to go and stay over while unwell and with your young dcs

Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 11:54

DH is convinced DC1 is well enough to go out so she's having her sleep now & will see how she is when she wakes up. DH wants her to see the other (older) children, dogs etc so that's what they'll do & tbh it's easier if I just have baby to look after. He can be the responsible one & stay on the alert for a change! He won't take the travel cot & says he wants to come home later. Job done.

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Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 12:06

Haha chaoticangel!
hmmm interesting side note: I wonder how many Libran lovelies actually use AIBU to assist with the decision making process? Maybe for another thread?
I mentioned to DH how people mightn't thank him for taking snotty sputtering toddler to a party to which he agreed but soon overruled it by saying how much fun she'd have. I Cba to argue I feel too Grotty !

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Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 12:24

Haha now DH is planning to take DC1, the travel cot 'and see how things go'. Fairy nuff DH, Just leave me out of it..... Two jane austen's coming up on bbc2 try and get ready without disturbing me & let me wallow in telly, baby and bad food.

OP posts:

ChaoticAngel · 26/12/2011 12:40

Sounds like a good solution to me

moondog · 26/12/2011 12:45

God, let him go alone and have a good time.
Even if you were well, the thoguht of gonig to a piss up sober nad with two small children to manage sounds like my idea of hell on earth.

I remember gonig to similar when my children were small. Dh sat on a large squishy sofa surrounded by adoring middle aged women pouring him glass after glass of bubbly and shrieking with laughter at his every word, while I sat by the hristmas tree for three hours, stone cold sober, trying to stop my kids wrecking the baubles in a house that looked like something in a magazine.

He was genuinely surprised that I had a face like a cat's bum come 10 pm and demanded we leave immediately.

moondog · 26/12/2011 12:46

He won't be able to relax with a 22 month old, or get pissed (if he does, it is grossly irresponsible to be pissed in sole charge of a child.)

Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 12:48

yeah can't complain really. Baby & I haven't had much one to one time either so that'll be lovely ;@))

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Original poster

preciousmuch · 26/12/2011 12:53

moondog been there done that! These friends are nothing like that but still, no fun for mummy really, & you always get people treating you as though you're a bit... Er... pfb..
I also take your point re the drinking, we have a had few no-fun party scenarios over the festive season, DH is really not getting my point about this, hence my inability/reluctance to argue & let him just get on with it.

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