To think this is really unfair of DSS' mum?

[whackamole]

We couldn't have DSS for Xmas this year as she told us they were going to France. As she is pregnant, likelihood is we won't have him next Xmas either as she will want a proper family Xmas.

Anyway, it now transpires they didn't go to France. We only found out when we called to say Happy Christmas, and she asked if she could drop DSS off tomorrow until Sunday as her and her husband are going to France.

I'm so annoyed (as is OH). Of course we want to see him, but I had arranged for some of my family to visit this week (as they live 200 miles away) so we will now have an extra person to put up. DSS has his own bed, but now this means someone will have to sleep on the floor. It also means that I have 4 children to look after as well as other visitors has OH is working Weds - Fri.

This is just so typical. DSS was really excited about going to France - and now he isn't. This isn't the first time she's done this either - she has form for this sort of thing. The best one was when she was still single, we took DSS to Wales for a week, and although she was always skint she managed to get the money for a week in Egypt (all-inclusive!), and then was late back, meaning I had to take a morning off work to get him to school.

Anyway, that's not important. AI really BU to think this is not on? And even it is Xmas really some sort of notice or even asking rather than trying to guilt us about it is really the way to go?

Yanbu. Not fair on the child, you or your dp or your visitors. I'm sure you will make the best of a bad situation but it leaves a bad taste in your mouth when you know you are just free childcare for your dp ex.

Aren't you & dp just glad to see him at all over the holidays instead if missing out?

Very unfair of her not to take him- he must be so disappointed. to be honest, I'd be mor worried about his disappointment and how he's feling about his mum qbout this than all the extra ork and inconvnin one extra hold is giving you. It's not childcare- it's looking after one of your children!

What will she do if you say no??

YANBU contact should be reasonable and mutually agreed prior to the time.

She's a twat.

How old is he too?

Does he know he's now not going to France with them? Poor kid

Poor poor kid! I would also worry about how he's going to feel about the new baby, as it does look as though she might just favour the new one over him. I think there might be more of a story to this, so please brief your other guests, and try to give him some time and space to express how he feels.

What a cowbag. Poor kid. You are NBU at all but I guess the upside is that you all get to see him over the festive period. He's bound to be really upset about not going to France but if I were you I would really big up how pleased you all are to have him and make it extra special for all of you.

Selfish cow, she's insisted on having him on Christmas day so she can feel alright about dumping him to go off without him to France, like she's done her bit.

Feel free to vent.

That poor little boy. I hate all this game playing with kids trapped in tge middle.

Thanks for your comments. Sorry I haven't been able to get on before now!

It's nice to know that I don't feel put out purely because I am a wicked stepmother! And it really isn't that we don't want him here - it's just that we seem to be unpaid emergency childcare (totally valid point BTW that we are his other parents and it isn't childcare, but when he's only coming over because she has decided on an impromptu holiday to France that's what it seems like!). There is never any thought that actually, we might have planned things to do that make it really difficult having an extra person. She guilts us with the 'don't you want to see your son?' thing.

I don't know how he's going to be feeling (he's 10) but I can imagine it will be the quiet disappointment that he normally feels when let down . I'm going to totally out myself if she or any of her friends are on here - but for example when she promised to take him to Legoland, then didn't. Didn't tell us though, so we asked after the trip to be greeted with a sad face and 'we didn't go'. Or the time when he won tickets to a Premiership football match complete with a meet the players thing, and she took him shopping instead. To Primark. Because he 'needed new joggers'. As if a 10 year old needs to be present for the purchase of a pair of joggers! And BTW, this football match had been postponed due to snow, so she had ample time to arrange for someone else to take him if she didn't want to - her husband clearly didn't want to and she didn't ask OH so DSS just didn't go!

I am ranting a bit now, but I feel so sorry for him. Things are better now she is married as her DH is wealthy so they can afford to go away and take him. Clearly doesn't stop them from excluding him on a whim though! Up till this time last week he was still under the impression he was going with them.

Luckily I have a joint in the freezer and loads of food so I will do another Christmas Dinner for us on Wednesday when my dad and partner are here and also DSS. He's got loads of presents to open as well.

That poor boy, I hve tears in my eyes for him. I hope you can give him a lovely time.

it's hard on you, but I'm sure you will make the lad feel welcome and wanted. In years to come, that is what he will remember

OP YANBU Yes, you and your DH are not childcare but that's the way you're being treated by DSS's mum. I'd be pissed off at her attitude too.

YANBU. We have similar probs with my dp's ex-W, and always feel sorry for dss. Am sure you'll more than make up for any disappointment at not going to France though. Agree it'll be these happy memories he'll remember when he's older.