To confront Dh neice?

[mrsshears]

Today we have spent a lovely day at home,myself,dh and our 2 dd's.
Then at about 4 we went onto dh sisters house as we do every year,to spend the evening with dh 2 brothers,mum and dad and his sister and her husband.Dh niece is back living at home since her and her boyfriend split up a couple of years ago,every year at christmas when we go round she leaves the room almost imediately as we arrive and spends the remainder of the evening in her room.
Its the same story with any kind of family event that we attend,she either wont go or either says for as little amount of time as possible.
This has started since she split up with her boyfriend,although she wasn't especially friendly before this but nowhere near this.
I do try and make conversation with her and be friendly but it does'nt work,i'm at a loss really to know what to do on one hand i feel like confronting her and asking if there is something i have done to upset her,as its really awkward and embarrasing when she does this but on the other i feel that its her problem and she can get on with it ( to my knowledge i have never spent enough time in this girls company to have upset her).
Would ibu to confront her? as it does bother me.
(dh oppinion is its her problem,we know we have'nt done anything so let her get on with it)

Perhaps she doesn't like one or both of you and rather than make you feel uncomfortable is being adult about it an steering clear? Perhaps she feels one of you dislike her? Who knows, she's not being confrontational, shes not causing a scene, leave her in peace.

It's not a nice thing to feel like someone is excluding themselves, but she is choosing to do so, it would just put her in an uncomfortable position if you make an issue out of it...

Absolutely yes, I would say something to her, just exactly what you said, ask if you have done anything to offend her. Say you'd like to apologise if so. If she denies that's an issue I would say that I'm still worried about her & why does she leave the room, is she okay, is there anything you can do to help.

I'd put money on her having depression & something about you (not your fault) reminds her what she's sad about. I think she might well need a lifeline.

And if she doesn't have depression or issues with you personally, then she will still appreciate your honest open concern, even if she quickly dismisses you.

The only warning I'm going to add to that is that you might be opening a can of worms, you have to be ready for that. Usually it's a can of worms you'd rather know about anyway, but some are right to say let it lie.

has your hubby upset her in some way in the past?

Going against the grain. I think she's being unspeakably rude and I would talk to your DH's parents about it. Unless she has mental health problems I would in future invite youe inlaws to your house. She lives with your IL's and any child living under my roof, of whatever age, would be expected to be civil under my roof. It is the height of bad manners and utter discourtesy.

At the very least she should say hello to you and your family, exchange some niceties and then politely excuse herself. I am going upstairs now: I have a headache, slept badly last night, have a deadline for a very impoertant piece of work.

No excuse for such behaviour.

If this has gone on for years why haven't you said anything to her parents before? Am astonished that no one has brought it up already?

She could suffer from social anxiety. You don't just grow out of that.

I would ask her but prepare yourself, just in case it's a big can of worms. I would always prefer to know