Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To just want to go home

45 replies

Bubandbump · 25/12/2011 19:46

We are at PIL for Christmas with a 7 mo DD who has a severe dairy allergy. She is still breastfed as won't take a bottle and can't get enough food into her any other way which means I can't have dairy as the tiniest trace will give her reflux for weeks. It makes her writhe around in pain and not sleep.

It has been discussed lots previously and I have offered to bring food for Christmas to make things easier but was told I didn't need to.

Only after making DH double check today did he discover there was butter in nearly everything including the turkey except for the potatoes and the carrots. So today I have had 3 potatoes and some carrots to eat. Somehow DD has got reflux tonight so there ws obviously some butter in one of those too and so I am sat upstairs by myself hungry and without anything but an apple to eat with a baby that is waking up in pain.

AIBU to think they could have just told me to bring my own food instead of obviously not wanting to compromise on their Christmas lunch for the sake of their granddaughter? I am sure they just think I am being PFB despite being under a paediatric gastroenterologist.

I just want to get in the car and go home.

OP posts:

golemmings · 25/12/2011 20:48

I'd leave too. I'm in the same boat although DS is not nearly as intolerant as your dd by the sound of it. I have been off dairy for a month now and don't visit anyone's house without taking brown bread, sunflower pure spread, peanut butter and a tin of baked beans or humous even if people tell me they will cater for me, just Incase they don't fully understand the restrictions. I'm mostly veggie too so I know I'm bloody awkward to feed!

theincredibequeenofwands · 25/12/2011 20:53

It's not difficult though, is it?

She can't eat dairy. Sounds simple enough to me. Everyone knows what dairy is.

Seems a tad vindictive, as though they didn't like 'being told' what to do.

ronx · 25/12/2011 20:58

Leave. At least you can salvage Christmas in your own home.

ATruthFestivelyAcknowledged · 25/12/2011 21:02

Where are you? If you're anywhere near me I'll bring you a sandwich!!

BTW, can I hijack slightly, how did you get your DC's allergy diagnosed? I suspect DS may be dairy intolerant but don't really know how to check and don't want to give up cake until I'm sure

WaxyBean · 25/12/2011 21:03

Selfish behaviour from your in-laws. My 27 month old son is the same and is allergic to milk, eggs and nuts. Both last year and this year they have prepared a meal that he and I can eat (though I'm not bf'ing this year and so can stuff my face with cheese now he's in bed).

AliBellandthe40jingles · 25/12/2011 21:04

I would be cross with your husband actually. It was his job to convey the seriousness, and his job to read the riot act when things weren't as promised.

Why isn't he sorting you out some food?

mamalovesmojitos · 25/12/2011 21:05

God, they sound rotten. So selfish! You poor pet . Go home. Get something to eat. Get your dp to help, and don't feel guilty .

EuphemiaInExcelsis · 25/12/2011 21:16

What the heck was your DH doing while you were sitting there with three potatoes and some carrots?! Stuffing his face with turkey and all the trimmings?!

No way my DH would have done that - he'd have let his own dinner go cold while he prepared me something suitable.

Your PILs are ignorant, but your DH has no excuse.

skybluepearl · 25/12/2011 21:21

go home if you can and get something to eat. leave your DH to it. he should have really been firm with parents and i can't believe he is letting you, a breast feeding mum go without food and not sorting something out.

BandOMothers · 25/12/2011 21:25

OP? I hpoe you are either on the way home or scoffing some suitable food!

Rhubarbgarden · 25/12/2011 21:33

I'd go home. Hope you are ok. Feeling pretty crappy at the in-laws myself right now and I'd go home if I could so you have my sympathy.

spartafc · 25/12/2011 21:42

I think I'd go home, at least you wouldn't be hungry.
Just want to say, I think you're amazing for restricting your diet so much for the benefit of your DD, it can't be much fun. You should be given a medal, not 3 potatoes and some carrot!

Original poster

Bubandbump · 26/12/2011 08:12

Hi, thanks for the replies and sorry for not responding. DH came up to keep me company and sorted some food out for me. I didn't want him to see this post as I wanted him to have nice memories of our DD's first Christmas to the extent possible. Ditto the same reason for not going home in the end, it would have looked like a bit of a strop (and although I feel entitled to it), I'd rather just leave quietly this morning.

DH did have a conversation with them before we came about the seriousness of making sure there was nothing in the cooking. It was a conversation with his mum and although his dad did the cooking yesterday, we thought it would have been communicated. In the end DH literally stood guard over the potatoes and carrots to at least make sure there was something I could have of Christmas lunch.

DH is going to cook me a lovely dairy free Christmas lunch this week.

DD is also wheat intolerant so whilst I would normally bring all my own food, I genuinely didn't think it would be a big deal to leave dairy out of the turkey cooking and then I could have had leftover turkey with salad etc which is what I envisaged.

I am sad as it is normally a big family gathering with all the grandchildren and children but I think next year I will have to insist on us staying at home.

ATruth we went privately to a gastro paed who diagnosed silent reflux caused by intolerances. Typical symptoms are explosive poos and a clicking noise followed by a swallow, it is worse at night whereas 'normal' reflux tends to be worse in the evening. I then did an elimination diet.. Urghh.

OP posts:

Catslikehats · 26/12/2011 08:25

So you wanted your DH to have a good memory of your DD's first Christmas at the expense of your own memories and the well being of your DD?

I hope you are having a better day today but you need to remember that just because you are BF doesn't mean the responsibility for feeding your DD should fall only on your shoulders. It is one thing you DH being apparently unconcerned you are going hungry but quite another thing for him not to be more proactive about his DD's health

Your pils sound difficult but I assume they are of that age that they simply don't believe In allergies. Your DH has no such excuse.

I hope you have a much better day today

seeker · 26/12/2011 08:30

I am prepared to be shot down in flames and it's not really relevant to this thread, but did you do the elimination diet under medical supervision?

Because it does seem a bit unlikely that you having the tiniest trace of dairy in your diet would give your baby reflux for weeks. And if it does, that sounds like a really really severe allegy, rqther than an intolerance. Should you go back to the doctor, possibly?

BastedTurkey · 26/12/2011 08:32

OP your pils sound like arses. I'm glad you got support from your DH but think ywnbu to have gone home

Original poster

Bubandbump · 26/12/2011 08:35

TheQueen, I heard the conversation DD had with his mum and it was emphatic about what I couldn't eat. I asked him to double check everything yesterday morning with his dad even though we both believed that everything would have been fine after that conversation, only to discover it was not.

Neither he nor I would put our DD's health at risk and would not have come if we thought there was any risk of them not being careful, which is one of the reasons I am so shocked.

Unfortunately there was not much that could be done at that point, so to the extent we could salvage some memories for one of us, I thought it was best just to keep quiet. Didn't stop me feeling crap though especially as no one has seen fit to apologise or mention it at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bubandbump · 26/12/2011 08:39

Seeker, yes it was under supervision from one of the leading paediatricians in this area. She is severely intolerant in the respect that any trace will take 3 weeks to get out of my breastmilk and then out of her system. We have another appointment in the new year but thankfully she is not that bad this morning, just didn't sleep a lot last night.

OP posts:

Catslikehats · 26/12/2011 09:02

I understand that your DH was clear prior to the day about what you could and couldn't have but when it came apparent that they had chosen to ignore the information that had been given to the I just can't comprehend how your DH was able to sit through a Christmas meal where his DW only ate potatoes and carrots. It just doesn't make sense to me.

My DH would have made sure I had something appropriate to eat even if it was beans on toast on had necessitated a visit to the nearest 24 hour garage. And there is NO WAY, even if I had remained quiet, that he wouldn't have noticed I must be starving.

Sounds crap really. Sorry you had such a rubbish day.

brighthair · 26/12/2011 15:17

Hope you're feeling better
I was so severely allergic to egg that when my mum ate a chicken Kiev (breadcrumbs bound in egg) and then breastfed me I stopped breathing. She had to be so careful and some relatives made it out to be nothing

Flip

1 2