To have called my dp a selfish pr£ck on xmas day!

[vix1980]

Plan was this year go to my mums (its also her birthday today too), last year we spent 3 whole days with his parents, not staying over we only live 10 min's away from each parents but mine went away so didn't see them really over Xmas.

We told his parents this weeks ago when they kept asking, and recently told them im also 3 months pregnant, as soon as they found this out they realised it was our last Christmas on our own and kept on asking us round, we said as we usually do to the parents we don't have dinner with we would see them on the morning for an hour to open presents, then visit later in the evening to have a drink with them. this wasn't good enough for his dad who kept having brain failure as he seemed to keep asking dp if he was going to theirs for dinner (there's absolutely nothing wrong with the man's brain more manipulative than forgetful) so dp finally caves in and says yes hell go to theirs for his dinner, i told him what i thought about his dad doing that and him giving in and funnily enough his memory got better and he never bothered asking what he was doing again as he had the answer he had wanted.

My family don't drink so we had our dinner quite early, they left about half an hour ago and i had a lovely day. Dp just rung up to see how i was totally smashed (his family spend all day in the pub and have tea about 5ish) then starts saying in a drunken voice i really did want to spend xmas day with you, so i said well he did have a choice and he chose his family, e knew i was upset so asked me do you hate me, i said i do right now, you chose your family over your pregnant girlfriend of 11 years so for that i think your a selfish prick, he got uppity and i ended up hanging up! sorry but its what i think...

great christmas once again!!!!!

Ah but it will be so so different next year!

Think carefully about how you want Christmas Day to be once you have a child: if you want it in your own house, set the trend from the first Christmas.

We did this 10 years ago, and we've never looked back. No hassle from either side of the family, and DD has the whole day in her own house with her presents.

If he'd been selfish he'd have been with you, what he is is weak and bullied by his parents, just as if he was still a small boy. Hopefully being a father himself will make him realise it's time to stand up to them and be a man and not be dictated to by his dad any more.

I do hope so but i doubt it, hes 34 and has his parents on a pedestal! its definitely time he stood up for himself.

I dont mind having everyone round at christmas i could just imagine their faces if i said no your first xmas with your grandchild wont be under your terms and conditions, oh i cant wait to let them know that if their coming to my house on xmas day it will be at the time i say and not fitting around them going the pub for the whole day almost makes me cry with happiness.

although i am being wicked and extremely hormonal at the moment!

ah hey I feel for you....

I spent over 30 Christmas celebrations with my inlaws... not one with my parents :( because of my 'D'H and his manipulitive abusive ways. Times I will never get back!

I dont blame anybody but myself. I was too weak, too gullible.

I hope you can be firm and make a stand over what you want, how you want your family Christmas to be, because if you dont, no one will do it for you!

I think the drink might be an issue here too, drinkers don't usually like to spend a day with non drinkers unless they can feel relaxed having a drink. Hmmmm Might be wrong.

he needs to man up to his parents

Yanbu

Well its now half 10 and still no sign, I can almost guarantee he's sat on his parents couch drinking everything in sight while they sing their heads off to whatevers on, their drinking is a huge issue for me, I grew up with an alcoholic stepfather and it wasn't much fun, I don't drink really myself so when I see people who have a problem with it (as his parents actually do) it just turns me right off them. I certainly do not want a child of mine being brought up in that kind of environment so I will be putting my foot down, if they don't like it they don't have to come.

Although at the moment I'm more pissed off with the fact the only contact he has made today was to tell me I could pick him up if I wanted, and to tell me he did really want to see me today aswell... Well er you could of you nob!!

YANBU.
But I think you may be disappointed next year.
Your ILs aren't going to let their son out of their clutches just because he has his own family. They will continue to lay down the law, and he will continue to do whatever they want.

I know your all right, he reverts to childlike behaviour when asked by his parents and to be fair it is usually his dad, I went to see them this morning and even his mum said she thought he was out of order for not being with me today.

How do you make a 34 year old grow up and stop seeking approval from his parents? Answers on a postcard pls

He really needs a big reality check if he thinks that it is okay to spend the day away from you, and changing plans.

Maybe his Mum should speak to him if she agrees with you. I would have been livid if DH had done this to me years ago before kids.

God he's come in drunk now having a go at me for not going to see them, he smells like a brewery, things wernt that great lately but the fact he's just left me today and all of a sudden its my fault just makes me wonder why I'm with him let alone pregnant by him! I've never had such a crap christmas as today!

Sorry it didn't get any better last night. Hopefully once sober you can talk to him. As for him having a go at you for not going to see him, well he didn't come and see you. Turn that on him.

I think this sounds like a much bigger issue. He has to understand that his place is now with you and you and your baby are his family.

If he can't see that, it's only going to get worse once the baby is born. Will he respect what you want or will his Dad play the whole 'was alright in my day' card and undermine you?

Blaming you sounds like drunken guilt though so talk to him properly once he's sobered up.

And your parents next year.

Next year will be hell! If his parents were this manipulative before a baby/grandchild comes on the scene then I dread to think how manipulative they will be next year.

Once kids come on the scene every man and their dog wants a piece of you at christmas for about 10 years. After that they drop you like hot cakes.

I Know, I'm dreading next year already, I did tell him what I thought of his parents though last night I know I should of waited till he was sober but I just couldn't hold it in, he slept on the couch anyway and hasn't come up since, thankfully, I'm still in the hormonal place of wanting to tear his head off, I really doubt ill still be with him thistime next year anyway, especially after he's shown me how little he thinks of me to spend xmas day drinking all day with his family, whilst leaving me alone all night, just feel so stupid it would be at least a bit easier if I wasn't pregnant.