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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think she could have actually bought me something?

25 replies

ConnorCamden · 25/12/2011 10:42

I live with my mum, it's just me and her.

I have had 5 presents "off" my mum

-Slippers
-Watch
-Socks
-DVD
-Bag

I bought them all and asked her to put them away for me for christmas.

She hasn't actually bought me anything herself. I have spent over £100 on her presents

AIBU to think she could have actually bought me something herself?

OP posts:
Dustinthewind · 25/12/2011 10:45

Why did you buy your own presents?
If she's very short of cash, you could have given her money to purchase gifts of her own choosing. How old are you, to be still living at home?

FabbyChic · 25/12/2011 10:49

why did you bother?

Seriously she is a meanie.

runningwilde · 25/12/2011 10:50

Erm, why did you buy your own pressies off her?! How old are you?!

WorkingClassMum · 25/12/2011 10:53

Does she have the opportunity to buy you something?

Was there anything left that she'd know that you'd want?

Why buy all that stuff, ask her to put it away for Christmas if you wanted her to do the buying?

I think we'd need a little more information about her age, her mobility, her financial position etc before we can make a judgement really

I think next Christmas you give her a list of what you'd like and hope she gets the right colorful/size/brand/author etc

Original poster
ConnorCamden · 25/12/2011 10:57

When I've seen things I've bought them and asked her to put them away for me. Something both of us have always done.

She has had plenty of opportunity, she has bought everyone else in the family something.

She's in her early 50s, doesnt have a great deal of money but has managed buy other people things including work colleagues. She has never not bought me anything before.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/12/2011 11:01

Perhaps she has got you something but just hasnt given it to you yet. It is only 11am.

I dont understand the reasoning behind buying things for yourself and then asking her to put them away for you. that is just a bit odd.

SucksToBeMe · 25/12/2011 11:05

Hope your xmas improves conner
I recieved nothing either! I am a single mum and DS is two (he's off the hook) But i got my mum a Mac Pro for a grand and my dad a box of scratch cards for 300+ quid.
But my mum has my DS while i work and my dad is is great at helping with childcare. I couldn't cope without them. Can't moan really (sniff)

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 25/12/2011 11:08

Yes your mother should have brought you a gift at xmas, of course she should.

Can I just say that that thing about buying something, putting it away and asking your mother to present it to you on xmas day is a bit, well, not normal really.

Definition of a gift here

thinkexist.com/dictionary/meaning/gift/

A1980 · 25/12/2011 21:28

Do you pay her rent and contribute to bills and food?

If not, then I don't think you need Christmas presents, living rent and bill free is enough.

If you do pay rent then it's a bit mean. A littel token gift would be something.

ImperialBlether · 25/12/2011 21:45

Oh A1980, for heaven's sake! She is her daughter, not a bloody lodger! I'm sure she pays rent, but surely as a mother you'd buy a child a Christmas gift, no matter how old the child is and no matter what the relationship is like, within reason.

changingnicknameforxmas · 25/12/2011 21:50

My mother and father haven't bought me a gift since my first DC was born.

They do buy my brothers Hmm just not me.

ImperialBlether · 25/12/2011 21:56

Why not, changing? Do they buy for your children instead of you? What's your relationship like?

changingnicknameforxmas · 25/12/2011 21:59

They buy for my kids, but they also buy for my brothers children - although I was the first to have kids, so I suppose it could have started then.

I struggle with the relationship tbh - they treat me and my kids so different to the rest of the family it's very difficult especially now my kids old enough to know the difference between a scarf and an ipod Hmm. And it is very very hard to sit there and have everyone else open presents and I have nothing to open.

I may do the MN "do you realise how rude that is" this year - but would it be worth the hassle?

But at the end of the day, it's their choice, I have this year taken a huge step back and had as little to do with them as possible, and I'm only going tomorrow to show my face (and the kids) for a few hours.

changingnicknameforxmas · 25/12/2011 22:00

PS Sorry for the hijack Blush

GooKingWenceslas · 25/12/2011 22:11

YANBU.

you should have had something. That is sad.

Changing, I don't get bought presents now, my DCs do, it doesn't make me sad. But I am shocked that they treat you and your DCs so differently to your brothers. I would definitely challenge it, when the DCs out of the house, and distance yourself from them :(

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 26/12/2011 00:20

My mum bought me some socks for wellingtons and tucked twenty quid in them. I am still laughing now. Random!

A1980 · 26/12/2011 00:58

Oh A1980, for heaven's sake! She is her daughter, not a bloody lodger! I'm sure she pays rent, but surely as a mother you'd buy a child a Christmas gift, no matter how old the child is and no matter what the relationship is like, within reason.

Untwist your knickers love!

I don't see the point of buying grown adults presents in any event. If they needed something they'd buy it themselves. I never ask for anything.

My best freind moved back in with her mum after she split up with her partner. She is living with mum, paying no rent, bills, food and get lifts to the station in the morning to work, her packed lunch made for work, her dinner cooked, her laundry done, etc, etc, etc.

So when it came to Christmas, my freinds mum made her a list of presents she wanted but bought my friend nothing. My friend was a bit put out but she's keeping every penny of her salary while her mum does everything. My freind also spends £300 getting her eyebrows tattooed on, hundreds of pounds on botox she deosn't need, lazer hairtreatment, 3 long haul holidays per year..... she doesn't need presents from her mum.

changingnicknameforxmas · 26/12/2011 07:59

Goo - the thing is, me getting presents and the kids getting doesn't make me sad, but it makes me sad that my kids get vastly vastly less than their cousins, and that my brothers get and I don't.

It's the "difference making" that upsets me, not the actual gifts, does that makes sense?

GooKingWenceslas · 26/12/2011 09:04

Yep, I understand that completely. I think you missed a 'not' but I understand anyway

A1980 I think your friend is ripping the piss out of her mum. I wouldn't give her a gift either.

sweetsantababy · 26/12/2011 09:13

Its very sad to read about posters not getting any presents. Its christmas, yes as an adult you may be able to buy things you want but its nice to have a little something to open.

ThreeNine · 26/12/2011 09:18

YANBU, she could easily have bought you a small gift.

Buying stuff for yourself and asking someone to put it away til Christmas is just weird though. Why not put it away yourself? Or (and this is a bit crazy) just use the stuff you bought yourself when you buy it?? If it's not a gift why put it away at all?

ThreeNine · 26/12/2011 10:07

YANBU, she could easily have bought you a small gift.

Buying stuff for yourself and asking someone to put it away til Christmas is just weird though. Why not put it away yourself? Or (and this is a bit crazy) just use the stuff you bought yourself when you buy it?? If it's not a gift why put it away at all?

Rhubarbgarden · 26/12/2011 14:46

My Dad didn't buy anyone anything last year. He and my brother and SIL came to stay with us over Christmas, and after lunch we sat down in the lounge to open presents and he said 'oh we're not bothering with presents are we?' and sat there opening all his presents from the rest of us and contributed nothing himself. Not even anything for dd - his only grandchild's first Christmas. I just shrugged - it didn't surprise me really, but my brother was pretty pissed off that he hadn't even turned up with a box of chocs or something.

Perhaps your mum considered the presents you'd bought yourself to be enough? Maybe she was making some kind of point?

My poor SIL once got given a bottle of fabric conditioner from her mum for Christmas. That was all. A bottle of fabric conditioner wrapped up in Christmas paper.

lottiegb · 26/12/2011 14:56

If you are choosing your own presents as part of a mutual arrangement, so that you'll be get something you like with minimum fuss, then asking your mother to 'put them away' as presents from her to you, then she would need to reimburse you for the cost.

Otherwise you are just buying yourself things and putting them in a cupboard for a while, which has nothing to do with gifts at all.

Heleninahandcart · 26/12/2011 14:59

FFS anyone trying to put up a rationale for the OPs Mum not buying her a present has completely missed the point of this post. Also sadly, I suspect the OP puts these things by so that she makes sure she gets a present at all. It would either be that or nothing.

The OP would just like her Mum to get her a present. Not something she has chosen herself and put by. She wants to feel her Mum cares, wants to feel she is worth buying a present, Its not about the money, its not about the actual goods its about feeling acknowledged.

OP YANBU

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