To wish mil didn't get my children presents

[BlissfulMistletoe]

My mil is really struggling cash wise, struggling to pay the mortgage.

Today she turned up with presents for the children......... Now I am not being ungrateful but I just wish she didn't leave her self sort to get them

YANBU, but it probably gives her more pleasure to be able to get something for them, than to worry about a few quid more of debt.

YANBU - your MIL has decided for whatever reason that part of her priorities is to buy her grandchildren a Christmas gift. It is her decision. I know what you are saying but she obviously wants to.

Invite her round a lot more this Winter for meals with your family if you feel horrible about it. Then she'll save money on food, electric and gas.

My MIL is in mountains of debt but still buys DS crappy magazines at £4 a pop and similar stuff.

Drives me mad as he only wants them for the tat on the front and for a few quid more you can buy a small lego set which he'd play with far more.

Your MIL is lovely for buying presents but I do understand EXACTLY how you feel - uneasy/guilty.

Not much you can do though.

She's an adult and assuming she still has all her marbles then you have to let her get on with it.

I feel awful reciving them, but I guess it brings her happiness

You're lovely OP

And being unreasonable in the nicest way

If she is struggling it probably makes her happy to give the gifts

yanbu MY MIL WAS EXACTLY THE SAME she struggled to feed herself and pay her mortgage but gave the kids presents , but it made her happy that they had a few things to open , she used to go to poundstretchers and the like so the gifts wernt expensive but she still liked to give , I know you are uncomfy with it but its what she wants to do

Ahhhh bless her. Maybe you could buy her a nice hamper or something, or even a delivery of some goodies for the new year from tesco or come thing?

*something, sorry, iPad corrected it!

yanbu, but it's gotta be her decision. Can you coax her into sticking to a limited budget?

DH's step-mum sent pyjamas.... fine, except the 3yo won't wear PJs at all and the other sets are all at least 2 sizes too big.

Oh well, at least we have room to store them for a few years.

Good idea from ilovesanta about the hamper. Bless your mil but I can see why you worry - my Mum's the same, would buy expensive presents for the grandkids even when she's struggling.

It is the ultimate humiliation to not be able to buy your grandchildren anything for Christmas - that is prob
ably how she feels anyway. f you feel so bad and if you can afford it give her some cash or pay a bill

It gave her joy to give those presents to her grandchildren. You ARE giving her the gift of happiness in receiving them. I am with Pancakeflipper in having her around often for meals, at least you will know you saved her a bit of money each month to help make ends meet.

Iscream, How true, "The gift of Happinesss".

My DM gave each of her children a beautiful card with a substantial amount of cash (which she can afford).

One DBIL promptly gave it back to her and said "We can't take this, we don"t need it".

My DM said was most upset. She told me it was because she couldn't afford much when we were children and she is making up for it now.

We had enough fresh fruit and vegetables, enough clothes to wear and shoes on our feet. We had all the basic necessities and lots of love.

You are very nice to think of your mum's finances, but believe me, giving a grandchild a gift and seeing the look of joy on their faces would have given here all the happiness she needed and perhaps taken her mind off her worries for a while.

Sorry, just reread and realised it is MIL not Mum. Which makes your concern even nicer, when half of MN don't seem to have much time for MIL's