AIBU re DH, pub and lack of simple bloody text?

[NotAnotherNewNappy]

I need some perspective as I am steaming with rage.

It was DH's last day at work before Xmas today. I am on maternity leave so am at home with 3yo and 8mo DDs. I've had PND and both DDs are hard work and barely sleep at all durinh the day or night. DH is trying to make more of an effort so had agreed to do most of the Xmas food shop.

At 3pm he text to say he'd left early and was on his way to supermarket. At 6pm he wads still not home so I text him. He replied saying he was in the pub as his boss had decided to take his team for drinks. I was fucking fuming as had so been looking forward to him being home early to help with bath, dinner and starting the xmas celebrations with me. He is home now (with a small bag of shopping) but DD1 is bouncing off the walls and I'm bubbling with anger. AIBU???

What is it with all the twats in pubs today? No, YANBU.

Agree. Not being unreasonable.

No you are not being unreasonable. But I would talk to him about how you're feeling and explain how it came across so he knows exactly how it is to be struggling and then have him not come home for hours and hours. It'd be a shame to fall out so near to Christmas and you might feel better if you talked it through. I only say this because I have an awful temper and when something like this happens I get angrier and angrier until I explode, and discussing it is the only thing that provides catharsis.

Hand the DC over to him and tell him it's his turn and then get yourself a glass of wine and mn for a bit.

urgh everything i cant stand about men (and i suppose some women somewhere) so glad i have an ex this year so dont have to spend those hours when he finishs for xmas wondering if i will lose him to the pub yet again.

YAB a little U- it's a team drink for xmas. In your ideal world he would be home early, doing his bit with DC and that is very little to ask normally but xmas drinks is a one off. I appreciate you're tired and PND is dreadful, but he needs a break too. I would explain that you're upset about not being clued in on a change of plans but then let it go and enjoy your xmas.

OP is saying he could have sent her a text. I agree. He hasn't. He I BU.

YANBU. Hand over DC and go to bed.

Then make sure you wake him bright and early to go and complete the food shopping.

Yes he should have text but to be raging is U. It's one night, it's xmas drinks. PND makes people U - it makes some lose perspective. i think this incident is being blown out of all proportion. DH should have been more considerate and that should be explained to him but no need for real anger here.

I wouldn`t have minded him going for xmas drinks at all - it was the way he left me hanging on for hours, thinking he was just about to walk through the door. DD1 is still up and he has now told me he dreads coming home. Wanker

Maybe go shopping yourself tomorrow and leave him with the dc's tell him youll be back in an hour and then take 3 and go for a nice coffee with a paper or a glass of wine with a friend.
At least hes back at 6 my ex would have been out all nighthe ruined many an xmas.

dreads coming home grrrr. Cheeky sod.

WIBU to piss off to the pre xmas sales tomorrow and leave him to peel spuds with the DDs? Knobhead.

That is a really hard thing to hear. Does your PND make you angry much? I have to be honest, with hindsight, I can see why my own DH dreaded coming home to me when I was ill. PND is a difficult time for both of you. Do you have any other support available? Friends, family, counselling??

He said I kick off every time he goes out. I asked him to name a specific incident, he couldn't. I cited the last 2 times when I'd been lovely (left blankets, water and paracetamol out and helped him nurse his hangover in the morning). Twatface prick.

Yes I know the PND does make me angry, which is why I posted. I've been on ADs and have been doing CBT

Yadnbu! There is nothing worse than thinking you are going to get a break and it doesn't come. It took my dh an unbelievably long time to realise that texting he was going to be late after he was due to be home wasn't acceptable either. Does your Christmas shop still need done?

Having said that I don't think you should let it ruin your Christmas. Why not go and have a soak in the tub? Is he sober enough to take charge of the kids?

YANBU.

I may be slightly influenced by my own twat dh, who also went for drinks after worked and got rat-arsed despite knowing he was meant to be driving to the supermarket this evening so I could get on with other stuff . He has been shouted at told he is going at 6am with both kids while I sleep for hours sew

I know this may not be a popular view - but if he's saying he dreads coming home then you need to listen to him.

To be honest it wasn't the crime of the century. Lots of the working population went out this evening after work, and whilst, yes he should have phoned you - in my opinion you are being unreasonable to be so angry.

I found it so hard being in our situation. We ended up at war- both holding our own pain over the other's, impossible to see another point of view. Does that sound familiar at all? We went to relate which really helped. I hope you can sort it out. To be so angry over this probably means there's more to it.

And good luck with the cbt - I did it and it totally changed my life x

I never seen the dreads coming home part. I would let things go tonight and try and have a chat tomorrow. Pnd can make life very difficult. Have seen you have also been given some good advice below.