About Neighbours and noise - to say something or not to say something

[BumptiousandBustly]

We live in a semi and the adjoining neighbors are perfectly pleasant but a bit thoughtless about noise. the father shouts upstairs to the kids a lot which we can hear - they slam doors a lot and every couple of months they will have a really noisy evening - where DH and I can't sleep for hours (NB we have young children so go to sleep fairly early - theirs are about 8 and 12 - so go to bed later)

The question is, is it worth having a quiet word or just think that they could be much worse?

Reasons not to say anything: I am not sure they will really care or that it will change anything - they had a big birthday recently and they hired a DJ and he played in the garden till 2 in the morning - in the middle of the suburbs in a row of semis. - also they are very sociable - so obviously on the nights there is all the noise they have been drinking - so even if they mean to keep it down, they will prob forget when they have had a few.

Reasons to say somthing - after it happened till about 11 last night - I am not stressing about this and about christmas - They woke DS2 up (1.10) who wouldn't go to sleep for ages - and they seem to be normal nice people, who might be mortified to know they are being that noisy.

I am also worried that it will get worse as the kids get older - and stay up later. - MN jury - what should I do?

Somtimes people don't realise how noisy they are being.

A couple of days ago one of my neighbours asked if I could ask my girls not to stomp up the stairs after 9pm. I didn't mind at all, I hadn't realised how much they did it.

Could you try saying something like 'I'm sorry if my DCs are too noisy, I know the walls are paper thin!' Or something along those lines?

I wouldn't say anything- it's normal to hear noise from adjoining houses. The 2am party was rude of them though.

The thing is that DH gets REALLY stressed about it, which stresses me out - but then he looks at the idea of saying something as a "last resort"!

Whereas I worry about not being able to sleep at night - they are fine during the week but like having people over ALOT at weekends, specially in the summer when they will sit outside for hours in the evening drinking.

AARRRGG - I am just worrying about the next few days now - and whether they will be really loud over christmas.

I think you need to be a little more tolerant. I expect when, after they have had a late boozy night they can hear you and your LOs early in the morning, and that disturbs their lie ins!!! You admit you go to bed quite early, just because their routine doesnt tally with yours, isnt really any ones fault.

Either ask them nicely, or buy some ear plugs.

I feel for you OP. we are in a terrace and our neighbours on one side are especially loud. The have 2 young boys and they are all loud. Stomping, door banging etc. we even hear them unloading dishwasher, dog barking, bathing etc. they have wood and stone flooring do it echoes and we live in Barrett Hines which are shit for soundproofing and general build standard. They are loud though. When they have guests (most nights) rather than leaving they all stand out side talking very loudly and wake up my dc. However, they are nice people, just thoughtless.

i don't think it warrants a complaint. Going up and down stairs, shouting to someone upstrairs closing doors is just normal everyday noise you expec when living close to someone.

I think the Doors slamming and calling upstairs come within the range of 'normal'. Loud parties in the garden and shrieking and laughing till the early hours is selfish. They may be nice in some ways but they are obviously inconsiderate . To the poster who said 'it's not really their fault their routines don't tally with yours' - I think that's missing the point. Very few People are going to adjoin neighbours with the exact same routines and kids same age. Being considerate is precisely about recognising that your neighbours may be at a different stage. My kids are teenagers but it would be really selfish of me to think Tough shit on our neighbours with young ones (one side) and elderly (other side) . I remind my kids to try not to slam doors and stomp and I tell them to use headphones if they want to

Oops if they want to play music lOud enough to carry next door.
I would have a word with the neighbours about the parties and late night noise

I have to say, it doesn't sound that bad to me.

They sound like a family living a fairly normal life.

Now and again we have to be tolerant of things like the odd party too...and 2am isn't that be either imo.

It sounds like normal family noise, if you say something they might think you are being funny with them just moaning about nothing - tbh if i was them i would. The parties is one thing but moaning about them calling up the stairs and that kind of thing just cant be taken seriously. It may make them feel quite uncomfy that you are complaining about every little every day noise. For the sake of good neighbour relations just try to ignore it if you can, they are not really doing anything wrong

It sounds normal-ish, but I would try to have a friendly chat about how thin the walls are, and try to agree a noise cut-off time during the week. 11pm is generally regarded as reasonable, by the way.

I've done this with my neighbours, both sides. We all make quite a racket during the day and evening, though - but that's the fault of the stupidly thin walls really. We can hear each other's toilets flushing, FFS!

I have a toddler in a flat above someone so always conscious of any noise we're making. I make sure noise is kept to a minimum after 9pm in the week (when I know she goes to bed) and I spoke to her a few weeks ago and she said she's never heard us at all. The only time she did was when I first moved in and was having some laminate flooring put down and she came and complained about the noise saying she'd had the previous people evicted! Talk about feeling uncomfortable after that!

It surprised me that she hasn't heard us since though as I often hear them! She has a teenage son and on Fri / Sat nights he has them round and I can hear shouting and music, all sorts of banging, laughing. Sometimes at 5am when mom leaves for work I can hear him playing rap music and singing. There was an argument one night - a load of blokes shouting which was quite scary and I almost called the police!

Otherwise, they seem OK and quite normal though. The teenager offered to carry my shopping up the stairs once because I was struggling. I doubt I'd complain about any noise - unless she had the cheek to complain to me again when I know I try to be quietish. I think it'd cause friction which is harder to live with than a bit of noise.

Thankyou very much for all the responses, I think for the moment we will leave it, and try and be more tolerant - I do think they could be more thoughtful and considerate, but I also agree that mentioning it might well cause lots of stress - so at the moment we will be quite and see (NB it appears they have gone out for new years eve - so fingers crossed we don't hear them tonight)