For not sending Christmas cards and thank you notes yet?? I've been nagged already and it isn't technically Christmas yet

[al88]

So I've decided not to send Christmas cards anymore. I didn't send any last year. I've received far fewer this year and I'm happy with that.
However, its both my DDs birthdays in late November. A few of our relatives send them small cheques or presents through the post. They then also send a small gift for Christmas. This has happened since my eldest was born (She's 5). I ALWAYS send a thank you note. I am intending on sending thank you notes in early January to cover both presents.
Today I got a phone call from my Mum as an aunt is concerned that I have not received any of the presents she sent. This is code for 'Why haven't I received a Thank You note'.
Grrr.... AIBU? Should I have already written a note for the birthday gifts and then do a separate one for Christmas gifts?
The main reason I haven't done any of this is that, like everyone, I am massively, massively busy. However, I always have a bit of a quiet period between Christmas and New Year as DH is back at work when I get time to catch up on these things.

YANBU about Christmas cards.

I think gift for November birthdays probably should be thanked separately from Christmas presents tbh. Sounds like your DC are fairly young so a nice picture (drawn by them) with "thank you for my doll/game/toy" at the bottom should be sufficient?" (shouldn't take much time)

My middle dd has a birthday in early December, we always do her Thank yous written and sent before Christmas.
I think if people are kind enough to send separate presents, it is polite to say Thanks. Especially for the older generation!

YAB a bit U, although I do understand that it is a busy time of year if the birthdays are in late November you have had almost a month to do quick thank you notes, my DD's birthday was a couple of weeks ago and thank yous have been sent out separately from christmas present thank yous which will get done next week.

YABU I'm afraid to not at least acknowledge receipt of the birthday gifts prior to Christmas. People such as your Aunt have taken time & trouble to think about, choose, find, wrap, parcel up and post gifts for your DDs, and if you haven't even acknowledged receipt, that could be quite disheartening for them - and she may genuinely be concerned they didn't arrive.

DD1's birthday is in late November & I have always sent her Thank Yous out before starting on our Christmas cards.

It is a bit of a pain, as my birthday is early November, so I finish mine then start hers, then do Christmas cards & gifts to post, then do the Thank Yous from Christmas for both DDs. Plus, this year, DD2 was born in July, had her Christening in Oct so I feel like I have been on a constant cycle. I can't wait til I can get the DDs to at least do a bit of the legwork!

YANBU to not send Christmas cards though - that is a choice that more & more are making these days.

I agree with you about Christmas cards.

My dd has a December birthday and we always send thankyous out right away, separate ones for Christmas. It's a pain but I think it's important to acknowledge those gifts in a timely way.

YANBU about the CHristmas cards - your choice to send them or not.

YABU about the thank you notes - I was always taught that a thank you not should be sent immediately and at the most within a week of the event. It has been almost a month since the birthdays - surely your DDs could have drawn a picture in that time and you could have added a 'Thank You' and posted it.

This thankyou notes thing for kids presents is doing my head in. Is it new?

I've been giving kids presents for years and never expected or got a thankyou note until the last year when I got one. I was quite baffled, it's just adding an extra layer of obligation onto people.

What's wrong with a verbal thank you?

How would you feel if the relatives ignored their birthdays and just did a joint present for Christmas?
Irritated?
They bothered to see th two events as separate, so should you.
Send the thank you letters.

I think you are being a BU about the thank you cards. It wouldn't necessarily need to be a card but a call to confirm receipt and say thanks would be better than nothing. If I sent something by post and hadn't had any acknowledgement I would be wondering if it hadn't arrived.

YANBU about the Christmas cards though - that's just a personal preference.

'This thankyou notes thing for kids presents is doing my head in. Is it new?'

No, it is old fashioned manners.
I remember being nagged to write them almost 50 years ago, and my mother remembers writing them in the war.
No doubt grandma did them too, but I'll have to break out my ouija board to ask her.

scarletforya I don't expect thank you cards either (although we do send them, mainly because it's the done thing in DH's family), but I'd be miffed not to get a verbal thank you. I may be wrong, but it doesn't sound like the OP's aunt has had a verbal thank you.

If you don't do a verbal thank you it is entirely possible they genuinely were worried the gifts hadn't come, I would be. I prefer a verbal thank you at the time for that reason.

Scarlet - I don't think it is U to acknowledge receipt of the gifts in some way. It does not need to be written, but a text, email, phone call or face-to-face convo should be manageable. I personally always have some to write, as it's often old Aunts/Grandma's who send things in the post, and aren't into electonic methods of communication. I also try and put in a photo of or picture by DDs to help the giver feel included in some way.

I just continue to feel guilty for not having sent thank you notes for my wedding presents and have been married for over two years. I guess it's too late now.

Eek. OK, guess I will try harder next year.
I do always send them, I guess not in a very timely fashion though. These are definitely note sending relatives rather than verbal thank yous.
Thank you for the alternative perspective.