To think someone can help me for an hour

[TenaciousOne]

This may be long so sorry if it is.

We have a nearly 6 month DS who just doesn't sleep. He will possibly nap twice for half an hour and will be up in the night every two hours to feed. He constantly wants to be held won't be played with must be cuddled and carried around.

We live miles away from my parents, a good two hour drive, longer on the train. They come down as often as is practical they still work and have other commitments but about once a month. On the other hand my IL's live about 7 miles away and are retired but have visited us twice since DS was born. We have begged them to come round. They make excuses or say they will and never come or turn it around on us to make the effort, I'm already exhausted I really could do without driving. I just need someone to help me, I'm really at my wits end is it really too much to ask for an hour every once in a while?

sounds like dd1 who was a horrible baby, i dont remember much of her early months other than the screaming :(
I did battle though, but wish someone had told me about co sleeping,sling carrying and that its ok to have help :(
You could try homestart, they are a great service and also maybe contact local college and see if any students need a placement. Neither of these service, can you leave baby alone with them, but you can be in the house, pottering about, having 5 mintues peace ect.
If your were my friend I would be happy to come and snuggle a LO for an hour.
Your IL are an arse, mine havent seen my girls in 2.5 years, took 2 months to visit after dd1 and didnt meet dd2 till she was 18 months, and not seen her since
Have you tried baby groups? Sometimes having someone else to talk to in the same situation is really nice.
If nursery wont take him, try a childminder or mothers help

where do you live - i would come and sit for a few hours to help you out (and yes I am enhanced CRB checked)

addition to above post- i am southyorks/north notts border

My 7 month old wakes every 15 mins without fail, has done for weeks. I have to go to bed at 7.30pm each night just so I can cope. Every 2 hours? What a doddle!

Between 11pm and 6am thats only waking 3 times, what bliss!

The other night I went to bed at 8pm, on ds's 6th wake I looked at the clock thinking it MUST be 1am at least? 9.33pm it was.

Id love to have your problem.

whitetrash, your post was not helpful at all. Just because you feel like your situation is worse than OP, does not make hers any less of a worry, for her!!

I'm another one that has been there and feels for you! It really will pass!

DS1 was one of those babies that could never be put down, and it was so frustrating to be told by the HV that I should be checking he was wet, hungry etc. I knew that! And I knew that none of those things were the answer! I just didn't know what the answer was.

It all got much much better though when he could have some independance, like feeding himself, play with toys etc. I ended up just coming to the conclusion that he was just a very clever baby who needed a lot of stimulation. He got bored easily. He has turned out to have AS, and is way more intelligent than I am. I know it sounds smug and I don't mean it to, but I do think he just got bored a lot of the time and was frustrated that his mind was growing faster than his body would keep up with. He's 11 now and absolutely fine, he was forced into a good sleep routine at 2yo when ds2 was born and I simply couldn't spend hours lying with him to settle him anymore.

It all works out in the end, it really does. I hope you got to have a nice nap!

I disagree. It gives her the chance to think "Thank fuck Im not her!".

Maybe they don't want to help. YOur post makes it clear that you aren't interested in them visiting to see you or the baby, but to help.

It's your baby.

no your post seems to be "well im in worst situation thean you and im ok, so what you moaning about"! not helpful. People have different levels of what they can manage with and comments like yours only make people feel worse.

Well maybe it was. Its a baby, they wake. Nowt unusual about a 6 month old waking every 2 hours Im afraid! Have an early night or pay a baby sitter. Not really sure why there are such expectations on the grandparents??

Tenacious, me worrying about her crying disturbing others sent me loopy! You can't let other people's comments regarding his crying concern you. Sometimes they are just gonna cry and it's worse for you than anybody else. Whenever I hear somebody's baby crying incessantly all I think now is, 'glad it's them not me!' There is only so much you can do.

If you can swing it, I can't recommend nursery highly enough! Like I said earlier, usually I did housework, but sometimes I was so exhausted I just came home and went to sleep. I did find tho that I was able to tolerate (not sure it's the right word) the constant holding much better if I wasn't looking at a messy house, but that's just me. I have OCD (seriously - I'm on medication for it now) but the disarray combined with just sitting and holding DD made me feel trapped.

Have you tried any mother and baby groups in your area to meet other mums? That might help, although sometimes that made me feel even more incompetent. I think being a parent is a little trial and error and you have to be gentle with yourself. You can listen to other's advice, take what you want and chuck the rest!

Slaveto summed it up when she said that her DS1 was forced into a sleep routine as DS2 had come along. I really think you should try CC for a while, just for your own sanity, or if you are feeling really low, go into the garden or somewhere where you can't hear the DC, just for 10 minutes, to catch your breath. You are no good to anyone if you are feeling so tense all the time.

I know some people hate CC, but I have to say it worked for DD with us, but I did need DH to be there while we were doing it, otherwise I would have given in. It only took a night or two, though.

I really think you have to talk to someone; you seem completely overwhelmed atm.

There's a High Needs Baby Support Thread in Breast and Bottle Feeding. Good luck.

White trash I could think thank fuck but for the fact he is awake for the day between 2 and 3am. No idea if he does wake up every two hours between 7:30 and 2 but I know he wakes at 9 and then again when DH comes to bed at 10 and then again twice between that and 2.
I hope it gets better for you soon and that your DH is helping you because I know I wouldn't be able to cope without him.

Mollymole. It's a shame I'm down south. DH is home early today so he can have DS for a couple of hours or so while I get a bath and some sleep.

You poor thing. Lack of sleep changed my personality to comeone who was over anxious, grumpy and snappy. Walking round with a head full of cotton wool is awful. Definitely think you should book him into nursery, maybe 2 mornings a week or 1 full day. Don't feel quitly as lots of women go back to work full time at 6 months and don't give it a second thought. Putting him on solids is a great idea and giving him a bottle of Hungry Baby milk before he is put down for the night might work.

Sorry about your inlaws. You'd think they would be interested in your llittle baby. I think it is very nasty behaviou but some grandparents take the view of been there, done that and do not want to do it again.

whire trash, perhaps you need your own support thread that too sounds dreadful :)

tenaciousone, no advice, just sympathy. Millions of women have felt like this, do feel like this, andwill feel like thisin the future. There are no easy answers, even if people telll you there are! There are plenty of suggestions here though, and one may work for you, Things will improve, and hopefully very soon.

Have a lovely christamas.

Whereabouts are you? I'm down south, pm me if you like.

You have my sympathy, it's just awful when you have a baby who doesn't sleep - being so knackered all the time distorts reality.

I wish I could give you a magic answer but I can't, DS2 is 21 months and still feeds 2/3 times a night, and up a few times in-between. There's some good suggestions here, I just need to find the strength to deal with some crying, at the moment I'm so tired I just do anything to get him to sleep!

Whereabouts down South are you? I'm in Kent and always happy to lend a supportive shoulder to a fellow sleep deprived mother!

forget the in laws .

speak to hv,. there may be sleep clinic you can be referred to for phone support.

try osteopathy -www.occ.uk.com/

look into home start /sure start/ student placements etc .

check all possible causes of waking up including discomfort. refluxing, constipation.

start on solids

have your h take baby out to visit in laws for a whole day on the weekends so you can stay home alone and sleep

My DD was exactly the same. I do feel for you OP - when I look back at that stage I still wonder, 10 years later, how the hell I got through it. It seemed there was no longer day and night, just 24 hour shifts.

Give up on hoping for help, it's obviously not going to be offered until your son is older - if at all. Just reduce everything to the basics. Don't be too ambitious or try to do too much. You already have a full-time job.

If you've had a rotten night, have naps co-sleeping with your baby. If you both get a bit more sleep, together, things might seem brighter even if they don't change much! Sod the chores, your OH can deal with that.

You might try your baby on a little solids - I found it did make a difference to my daughter - even though we carried on BF too.

And things will evolve - some things get easier, and other challenges take their place. It changes though - you won't be locked in to this cycle forever.

Lots of hugs, you are doing a brilliant job, even it feels lonely and thankless at present.

Hi, I also feel for you OP, it's really grim when there's not enough sleep.

My toddler now is sleeping but has only done for last 10 months. First year and half was hell. Between six months and a year were the worst due to teething primarily (I think), he had to be held an awful lot or he just screamed. I don't have the heart to ignore anyone's tears so I just held him.

Only way I coped was went on my own sleep programme - so I cancelled all arrangements and got any sleep I could at any time of day or night. Toddler in our bed as he slept better there. Didn't give a toss about feeding through night whatever as long as he went back to sleep with minimal fuss. I told everyone they could either help or not come round and I dropped right back on everything I usually do - cheese on toast with an apple became a family teatime favourite!

I agree you would in an ideal world get some help from relatives but I would sack them off, my own mum was just like this. I scraped together enough cash to pay for a doula to come two hours per week to give me a break.

It will pass. I know it doesn't feel like it but I promise it will. Our elder one was a good sleeper, younger one wasn't.

I know someone who maintained for years all babies need to sleep was a good routine. She used to drone on for hours about calm times, baths, comfy pyjamas, bedroom temperature etc. her first two slept like Gina Ford's dream babies. She shut up when baby three came along and didn't sleep til 18 months whatever the temperature of her bloody bedroom! Sometimes we can tweak routines and it has an impact, sometimes it's and underlying health problem, but sometimes they just don't sleep and it's a grind. Good luck and I promise it will not always be this way x

I too would ignore people who talk about old school shit style parenting and keep holding your baby. Whereabouts are you? I can recommend sn excellent cranial osteopath who works wonders with babies. My first born was the same, bf so would feed a LOT and lots of carrying. Has the HV ruled out colic?