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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Give the same advice as you would to a first time mother"

31 replies

Cathycomehome · 22/12/2011 23:23

This is what my midwife told the student midwife at my booking in appt the other week. AIBU to wonder why?

I am not a first time mother, but my son will be twelve when the new baby is born (all being well - I am ridiculously worried about jinxing it by saying "when")

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2011 23:25

Because advice changes I suppose. If they assume you know everything, you may not know the most up to date stuff. Whether that matters to you is another issue but they have a responsibility to make sure you know all the information. Congratulations btw :o

WorraLiberty · 22/12/2011 23:25

I suppose because in medical terms you may as well be a first time mother

The advice and guidelines will have changed a hundred times over since you had your first.

I have a 7 1/2 year age gap between my first two...and even though there's only a 3 year age gap between my youngest two....the advice was so different again.

Congratulations by the way Xmas Smile

thisisyesterday · 22/12/2011 23:25

i think what she means is "don't assume people will know everything, or not want all the information just because they've done it before"

and quite right. it should be that way regardless of how big an age gap you have. a;lthough obviously in the case of very large age gaps it is very likely the case that a lot of information and advice has changed and as such they need to ensure that they tell you everything they'd tell anyone else who hasn't recently been through pregnancy/childbirth

AgentZigzag · 22/12/2011 23:26

I have 9 years betwen DD1 and 2, and it's amazing how much has changed and how much you forget over a decade!

I was ridiculously worried about jinxing anything too, and whether I could love another DC as much as my PFB.

Normal and completely unfounded as it turned out Smile

StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2011 23:26

oh sorry, just seen you are worried about jinxing. My congratulations was for your wonderful 12 year old.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 22/12/2011 23:30

Grin at stealthpolarbear, thanks!

I suppose you're all right - I had sort of forgotten you are not supposed to eat anything nice. Except nuts. You weren't allowed nuts last time...

OP posts:
TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 22/12/2011 23:31

Yes the nuts are a big plus. You can have stilton now too.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 22/12/2011 23:32

the NHS says so

WorraLiberty · 22/12/2011 23:35

I seem to remember being told to eat lots of liver and anything high in iron for the first few months with one of mine...then it changed to don't eat it when I was preggers again.

Not that I would have had the stuff anywhere near me!

Shenanagins · 22/12/2011 23:35

As a first time mum to a 9 month old, if I was pregnant again and they said that, I wouldn't be offended as it would mean I would get the same detailed level of information as a first time mum.

Wish I had known about the stilton thing though last Christmas!

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 22/12/2011 23:37

Excellent! Grin

I really didn't need all the info about childbirth/postchildbirth though. I have not forgotten. Any.Of.It.

There are reasons for twelve year age gaps

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2011 23:37

as of 3y ago you were allowed nuts! As of 5 years ago, you weren't, who knows what it is now. You maybe have to exist entirely on a diet of nuts.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 22/12/2011 23:39

(I type slowly. Missed posts there ! Excellent to stilton!)

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/12/2011 23:42

On the plus side

Despite having a large age gap between my first two, when I couldn't be arsed to get out of bed to watch the MW demonstrate how to bath a baby, she wrote "Confident Mum" on my notes.

I was expecting "Lazy bitch" Grin

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 22/12/2011 23:47

Last time I had a baby, a health visitor read the back of a tin of formula to me and explained that alot of "teenaged single mothers need a bit of help" I was 22. I was not a single mum. And I could read. (Not anti HV, my mother is one. Just anti THAT one).

At least I look old and haggard nowadays....

OP posts:
AnxiousElephant · 22/12/2011 23:47

Human beings, not just babies are not designed to feed 4 hourly Smile

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 22/12/2011 23:51

(Disclaimer: was NOT suggesting teenaged single mothers WOULD be incapable of managing formula, or that there is anything wrong with being one, just that HV obviously did, and obviously never read my notes - just realised how my last post read Blush )

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 22/12/2011 23:54

Before all this internet sharing of info I thought grow bags were for tomatoes and leaving them to feed themselves at six months was me being lazy letting them have a go rather than a parenting choice.

BaronessBomburst · 22/12/2011 23:57

I found that by sticking to current advice, but by changing country, I could do pretty much want I wanted. I read the NHS advice because I'm English, the Dutch advice because I live here, and the German advice because that's the nearest hospital. Mind you, I was so sick I could only eat liquorice allsorts, and only if I sucked them. Hmm

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 22/12/2011 23:58

Until the internet, I didn't know that baby rice was evil. Still unsure what baby wearing is. I have a friend who is a real fan of this, she runs a group on FB. I dare not ask. But it conjures up all sorts of images in my mind (could google, but like the images Smile )

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 23/12/2011 00:02

That's interesting BB, getting advice from each country.

Were there a lot of differences?

How did UK advice fare compared to Dutch and German? (like do other countries give out advice about formula feeding?)

startail · 23/12/2011 00:09

With the exception of extra care with milk powder and nuts I haven't seen anything here that's very different.
Fortunately, I don't like any of the banned cheeses and no way was I going to bother about nuts.

Original poster
Cathycomehome · 23/12/2011 00:09

I don't know if UK gives advice for formula feeding, unless they feel they have to if it's definitely going to happen? I breastfed for a short while and it really really didn't work out well - hopefully it might be better this time round. That's what I could really do with advice on actually - and expressing, as I will have to go back to work pretty quickly.

OP posts:
HoneydragonAteCliffRichard · 23/12/2011 00:13

Babywearing is newfangled speak for chucking baby in a sling so it shuts up and you get your hands back Wink

AnxiousElephant · 23/12/2011 00:15

Most of the NHS are aspiring to the Baby Friendly initiative and all HCPs involved with babies including midwives, health visitors, paediatricians, nursery nurses etc are now updated annually on breastfeeding, including practical teaching of hand expressing, latching and positioning techniques, identifying problems such as mastitis, thrush, engorgement and knowing when to refer for a tongue tie.