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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For me ( dad ) to take dd to party..

25 replies

MrGingleBells · 22/12/2011 20:31

I'm an nrp. Dd is a toddler. I live an hour or so away from dd and her mum, we do alternate w/e.

The issue of b'day parties came up. I don't want dd to miss all her friends birthday parties, so I said to XP that if there is a party to go to on my w/e I'd travel up to XP's to see dd so that dd can go to the party.

Maybe not every party if they're every week, but said we could work it out.

This will mean I travel up to XP's and leave when they go to the party. I then return the next day to take dd out.

Do you think it's unreasonable to ask if I can take dd to the party ? It's likely I wouldn't know the host, and only a few mums by sight....

Last time I mentioned this XP thought it was 'weird'.

OP posts:

LittleMissHumbuggery · 22/12/2011 20:34

My ex takes the kids to parties if needed. It's part of being a parent. You're not unreasonable to expect to be able to do the same.

troisgarcons · 22/12/2011 20:37

You should be taking her to parties etc - why should you miss out on watching her? Plenty of Dads do the party-runs, whether they are FT or NRP

Cherriesarelovely · 22/12/2011 20:39

Why would this be weird? It is perfectly normal. Absolutely you should do it.

LittleJennyRobyn · 22/12/2011 20:40

No yanbu, My Dh takes and collects from parties, he is not known to other mum's as is usually working and i tend to do all the school stuff.

It shouldn't make a difference just because you are no longer in a relationship with your DD's mum.

You are her dad and thats what dads do!!

Not weird at all.

worldgonemad72 · 22/12/2011 20:41

i think you should be taking her to parties if the occasion falls on your weekend, although i dont understand why you wont be taking her home with you after the party.

lurkinginthebackground · 22/12/2011 20:43

I don't think it is wierd at all. Plenty of dads have brought their kids to my dcs parties.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 22/12/2011 20:44

Yes of course! Your her dad.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 22/12/2011 20:46

Well to be honest, if it's your weekend, I'd just take her to and from the parties from your house - bit of a long drive but such is life.

Given that she's a toddler though, it's likely that at this stage she doesn't actually have friends of her own and her party invites aren't really for her - they're for your Ex - in which case it's up to her really whether she'd rather you go and take DD or whether she'd rather just go by herself if there is a party on a weekend DD is at yours.

Hope that makes sense?

DeePanCrisPandEeeven · 22/12/2011 20:46

MrGB - another nrp here - it isn't weird at all. dd is 11 now but I always took her everywhere IF something fell on my time with her. Her mum and I do have a good rel. ( though sometimes it's jolly hard work) and she would think it odd if I didn't take her when she was much younger.
is there a back story to this at all?

duvetdayplease · 22/12/2011 20:47

God, I'd love it if I didn't have to take mine.

Maybe your ex doesn't want anyone getting to know you too well, as if your DD lives with her then it's kind of her patch?

I don't think it's weird. If you carry on with the alternate weekends it'll have to happen with school friends anyway.

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 20:47

Not wierd at all. My ex does it, and so do lots of Dads that are still with the Mums. Especially on Saturdays.

DeePanCrisPandEeeven · 22/12/2011 20:48

duvet - the 'patch' thing was a bit on an issue tbh, but given that we live 10-15 mins apart it was a bit of a thin one.

IndianOcean · 22/12/2011 20:50

Parents (whether Dads or Mums, nrp or rp) usually stay at toddler parties. If you take her to a party (which I think is fine and good) , why not stay and then take her back home with you? Because otherwise the party takes precedence over your night with her. And your system means that her Mum picks her up and has her overnight, on your w/e? That seems a bit weird, rather than the party bit.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 22/12/2011 20:51

God I would love it if my ex offered to take ds to a party.

goatshavestrangeeyes · 22/12/2011 20:52

My ex will take dd to parties if they happen to fall on same day as him seeing her. I also make him pay for the card and present

DeePanCrisPandEeeven · 22/12/2011 20:53

oh yes the staying bit is quite important if she is sooo young. She will need a parent as a point of reference and she could become upset and anything there and so it's good for you to be her parent who she turns to. I always stayed and chatted with the mums. All seemed uncontroversial.

MayaAngelsFromTheRealmsOfCool · 22/12/2011 20:54

I agree that it makes total sense. The weird bit is you not taking her home with you - whose idea was that?

chocolatchaud · 22/12/2011 20:56

Definitely not weird - a dad is a dad, whether you live with mum or not.

It wouldn't be in any way strange to see a dad at a party under these circumstances. Good on you!

ballstoit · 22/12/2011 20:58

Not weird but I think Tewe may be right, the invites will be from ex-P's friends rather than DDs at this age. I also suspect that ex-P may not be 100% honest with her friends about how hands on you are with DD.

Wouldn't it be easier to just swap weekends if she has parties that your ex-P wants to take her to? Until she starts getting invites from her own 'friends', probably when she goes to nursery or pre-school I mean.

Original poster

MrGingleBells · 22/12/2011 21:10

Thanks for the relplies.

Yes there is some back story. Or a context rather, banged on about before so won't here other than to say XP can be tricky. If I suggest I take dd to the party it'll likely be met with statements about it being 'weird' , I got the same when I asked the nursary about going on dd's days out with them. I'll have to argue the case.

As for dd staying here.... My reasoning is I don't want dd to travel down to mine one day and rush back in the morning. It's possible though.

OP posts:

heliumballoon · 22/12/2011 21:13

Not weird at all.
My DH took DD to a party last weekend. He didn't know a soul. TBH it seems to be mostly mums who go, but I personally think that is daft.

DeePanCrisPandEeeven · 22/12/2011 21:15

if it's of any use, dd's mum was quite selctive at times re organising things between us in the early years. Lots of lips being bitten at times.
but she recognised the value of her having a total day off no matter what the 'event' for dd when it was in 'my time'. It's really tricky to get all assertive as I didn't want an argument which would not be in dd's interests.
I guess I am saying that you have to play the 'long game', and know that it won't always be like this. Things will improve over time, ime.

Original poster

MrGingleBells · 22/12/2011 21:16

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete / ballst

Yes that's a very good point. Or points rather.

I think there's some truth in both.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrGingleBells · 22/12/2011 21:32

DeePanCrisPandEeeven

Yes that rings true too...

OP posts:

RosemaryandThyme · 23/12/2011 00:13

I think you being very generous.

On your weekends it's for you to decide what to do with your child, XP can pass on any party invites that co-incide with your weekends and then it's over to you.
You'd need to phone host to say ya or nay, buy and wrap gift, take and stay/collect child, simple.

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