to have said no?

[ditavonteesed]

we went to drop a bag of books of in the charity shop that my mum works in today, dc looking through books while I was having a bit of a chat with my mum. dd1 decides she wants a book, I said no because it is xmas in 3 days, she started pulling this wounded soldier face which is usually the precurser to a tantrum and my mum says oh I'll buy it her. I put my foot down and said no way, she gets nothing from sulking and being unpleasant and my first reason of it being xmas in 3 days still stands.
DD had a bit of a strop for 5 mins but then is fine, as predicted, I am just really worried that I may have upset my mum who sufferes quite badly with stress, depression and anxiety problems. she just wants to make everyone happy but I am fed up of dd1 getting whatever she wants without having to be nice to people, and it is 3 days till xmas. so WIBU. as an aside I am going to phone my mum in 30mins when she is home from work and check she is ok.

YANBU.

I do not think you were being unreasonable.

I don't think you were BU at the time, but if you're worried about how your mum may have taken it it's a great idea to phone and check in- it'll give you a chance to calmly explain ('DM I hope you didn't misunderstand, it's lovely that you're so generous with DD but I wanted to check that you understand what I'm trying to reinforce with her' ... etc etc) and put your mind at ease.

How did you say it to her, like a 'gosh that's so kind, but no thanks, I don't want to encourage whingeing', with a big smile, or a snappy, 'no, butt out' kind of vibe?
And if the latter, how come?

definatly in a nice way, I will definatly phone her. Just to gove all the facts dd1 is 8 so not a toddler or anything, her and my mum are veyr close.

8?! - ooh you are even more NBU. I would have given her the look . Your Mum should know the way you do things by now - or does your DD perhaps normally get her own way?

Your mum sounds very delicate!

mum is quite delicate, have phoned all is well and she agreed with me anyway.

Well done! For being firm with your daughter (and your mum, even though I am sure your mum is lovely).

YANBU, you mum sounds exactly like how my mum is with my dd (10), it really annoys me, i am forever telling my mum that we didn't get everything we wanted as children so why should my dd be any different. Unfortunately it goes in 1 ear and out of the other.