to think that - at 47 - I should stop trying to be beautiful?

[kylietokaren]

I used to look nice once. Really, I did. I was slim, always wore make-up and did my hair and wore nice clothes. At 37, I looked like Kylie. Not boasting, I don't mean that I looked as good as her, but I had her figure, hair and as I said, I always looked nice.

Ten years later, and at 47 I have really let myself go. I am overweight, never bother with my hair or make-up and live in frumpy clothes. I caught sight of myself in a mirror the other day, and I realised who I looked like... Karen Matthews.

WTF happened to me in 10 years??? Can I do anything about it, or should I just resign myself to the fact that I am middle-aged and just embrace it?

I am almost fifty (I know, I know, you can't believe it) Last year I decided that looking at my parents who are now in their eighties, that if I was going to live that long I didn't want to be struggling weight wise, or health wise as they have never looked after themselves and they're both struggling now.

So, I joined the gym and started to go a couple of times a week. It keeps the weight off and I find I can eat what I want most of the time. I've always kept my hair nice and try to wear decent clothes. I also couldn't go out without a small amount of make-up.

I just think if I've got another thirty plus years to go I'm not going to be a slob for the whole of it.

I don't think it's a question of either 'giving up' or trying to be 'beautiful' - I aim for somewhere in the middle.

I don't consider the unrealistic, airbrushed photos of slebs as something to aim for, but neither aim to look like Hyacinth Bouquet. Never going to ask Gok to slap my naked butt and give me style tips, girlfrien', never going to spend money on having things lifted or stuffed, but happy to do some moderate exercise 2 or 3 times a week, eat moderately well, shove a bit of make up on for work or special occasions, and not beat myself up about the ageing process.

Would be lovely to look like an eighteen year old again (any eighteen year old!), but it's either grow old or die, and I prefer the former.

I am 51. Up to 15 years ago I was reasonably slim, not unattractive [I'm trying not to sound big headed here], then I let myself go, bit by bit. I probably looked worse than Karen Matthews, TBH. Until 7 months ago, until I started to make an effort, have lost 31/2 stones, exercise do my hair and make up, wear nicer clothes etc. It's not really to make myself look beautiful [which in any case is completely subjective], it's just for my own benefit. Firstly and most importantly for my physical health but also for my self esteem.
I always like to see 'old' people who are healthy and energetic and who obviously still want to make the most of themselves. I want to be like that myself, and that is why I have started to make more effort to take care of myself. It may be a little vain to some people but I am so much happier than I was.

I like what Nicky Haslam (uber snobby interior designer) said about his face lift.
He claimed those who don't make an effort are selfish and vain, inflicting themseles upon other folk in all their unadorned glory as opposed to prettying themselves up a bit for the sake of humankind.

Actually, you CAN polish a turd. Those Mythbuster chaps did it once.

Never embrance frumpiness.
I am 52 next year, and have never felt better.....I have made a real effort the last 6 months to exercise, and found that I love it. Have lost 10 lbs, dropped 2 dress sizes, Feel great.
I refuse to end up wearing pinnies and zip up slippers.

OOh zip up slippers - they sound nice comfy...

44 coming up very fast...

It's always worth the effort. Not to look young, but to look fit, healthy and groomed. I'm no beauty, and don't spend a lot of money, but I do feel so much better when I have a decent haircut and some makeup on.

My younger ds was talking about of of his grandmas the other day - he was describing her as the "smart" one who looks "tidy". His other grandma would be mortified if she knew, but grooming does make an impression.

I looked great at 37 the best ever, a size 10. Now at 47 Im a size 14 and my eyes look old.

I think you need to accept how you are now and make the most of it. I don't mean just sit back and accept it, but don't try to look different or younger as that just doesn't work. A well groomed older woman who knows how to play to her strengths is really gorgeous I think. Look at <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=jane+fonda&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1680&bih=935&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnso&tbnid=8-c4049WCoJP4M:&imgrefurl=en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jane_Fonda&docid=Qkf-0Xw5gudDSM&imgurl=upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/56/Jane_Fonda_Cannes_nineties.jpg/220px-Jane_Fonda_Cannes_nineties.jpg&w=220&h=295&ei=OYHzTqbVDYjo8QOyl62hAQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=192&vpy=153&dur=2633&hovh=236&hovw=176&tx=102&ty=146&sig=104935278113315792746&page=1&tbnh=163&tbnw=120&start=0&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Jane Fonda a lady much older than you who still looks fab without trying to look younger than she is.

Jane Fonda has had a bit of extra help though

Lauren Hutton is a similar age and looks fantastic...totally natural.

I hope to stay young looking , I am now (for my age) but...I think it comes from energy and the way one approaches life.

My DH is 52 ...he is like a kid...that is what keeps him looking 10-15 years younger...

God I will never give up and I'm 43. Saying that I saw a photo of me 6 years ago and I just looked so... young. Indefinably young, I can't even pinpoint it. I don't have wrinkles and only a few grey hairs (dyed anyway) so it's not that... I think it's under eye bags , or worse, beginnings of jowls!

I am 37 and very overweight. After i sort that and when i feel i want to, I shall have some work done :)

I find that when i wear nice clothes and make up (nothing much, just the basics) i adopt a different posture, am i mad the only one? I stand straight, head up, move in a sexier way, and smile. Its just makes me feel better.

I think that you just need to aim for a different look if it's your age that's dragging you down. Don't try to look like Kylie (who resembles the bride of wildenstein more each time I see her) but look for some older role models. At 47, you probably shouldn't be dressing as you did in your 20s (unless you want to - but we are talking about the way most people will perceive you favourable, yes?) but that doesn't mean you should dress like Karen Matthews FGS. What about these as inspiration?

Don't give up on yourself, you sound sad about it and you aren't obliged to become invisible