Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Sister's wedding

22 replies

CuriosityCola · 22/12/2011 14:42

My sister has announced that her wedding will be held in Las Vegas. She isn't fussed about any traditional wedding ideas and doesn't want many people to attend. She has said that it doesn't matter if our parents attend, but would really like my dh and I to go. It's an expensive holiday, but I agreed we wouldn't miss it.

Her dp and her have decided that September would be the best time to go. I mention that it will be my 30th and my ds's 1st birthday around then. Got a sharp reply that it won't overlap those days so not to worry. However, I am worried. My family won't be able to afford to travel for her wedding and my ds's birthday (if they can even afford wedding).

Aibu to think that she could have her wedding anytime and not in the middle of these birthdays? Oh, she moved it from earlier in the year as she didn't want her wedding and future anniversaries to overshadow her own birthday.

OP posts:

slavetofilofax · 22/12/2011 14:45

She will only have one wedding, you and ds will have lots of birthdays.

If it's not a good time for you, just don't go.

Haziedoll · 22/12/2011 14:46

I think if people choose to go abroad to marry they have to accept that they might end up with no guests.

A word of caution Las Vegas is the worst place in the world to take a baby/toddler. I would seriously think about whether you actually want to go.

A little confused about your comment regarding your ds birthday, why would that prove to be an expensive time for your family?

MamaLazarou · 22/12/2011 14:49

I think YAB a little bit U about this, and quite self-centred, too. Your sister will (hopefully) only get married once, wish them well, go if you can, and don't try and make it all about you.

Catslikehats · 22/12/2011 14:49

I think it is totally reasonable not to want to be married on or near your birthday.

I also think it is entirely reasonable to get married near to your nephew or sisters birthday, although possibly not actually on your Dsis's 30th.

I think you are being precious TBH.

SilentBoob · 22/12/2011 15:03

Yeah, yabu.

Original poster

CuriosityCola · 22/12/2011 15:20

Thanks for the comments. I am finding it hard to think rationally about this for some reason. Glad I posted on here rather than saying anything.

I had hoped that my parents would be here to celebrate my ds's first birthday. They both live quite far from dsis and I. I know they won't be able to visit and go to dsis wedding. I suppose he won't remember anyway and I'm being a bit precious.

Ds isn't invited to the wedding so would have to stay with my amazing pil's for a couple of days.

OP posts:

fuzzypeach1750 · 22/12/2011 15:22

it's still ok to be precious though! I'd be a bit miffed! it's almost like she wants to steal your thunder isn't it?!

ViviPrudolf · 22/12/2011 15:30

Ok 2 responses

AAARGGGH at people having expensive, inconsiderate overseas weddings. If you were a random friend, you'd be being massively precious, but you're her sister, she's made it clear its important to her that you attend, yet she's given no consideration to your circumstances.

I felt precisely like you for half of 2011 before my best friend's ridiculously expensive overseas wedding that I was hugely reticent about attending and I bitched and moaned about it pretty much every day . I spent the latter part of 2011 eating my words after having the best week of my life at the wedding, and am so thankful I sucked it up and went.

HTH

minciepie · 22/12/2011 15:42

YANBU to be annoyed that she's getting married in Las Vegas and expects you to attend. Like Vivi I think it's pretty inconsiderate when couples expect other people to spend lots of money and take holiday to attend their wedding.

However YABU to be annoyed about it meaning your parents might not visit for your DS's 1st birthday. A wedding is a far far bigger deal than a 1st birthday - your DS won't even realise it's his birthday or what a birthday is...

nizlopi · 22/12/2011 16:04

If it wasn't your sons first birthday, I'd think it was unreasonable, but I dunno, I think 1st birthdays are important, because its you know, the first, and you only get one first birthday with your child.

Saying that, first birthday in Vegas at your Aunts wedding? Thats a pretty cool story to tell when he/she's older.

ginnybag · 22/12/2011 16:05

Oh, good God. A Vegas wedding?? shudder

It depends on what she means by 'not overlapping' as well. If you're talking her wedding one day and then a week till your DS birthday, then that's fine, but if she wants you to be flying in the day before, maybe not.

She'll only get married once, yes, but you'll only get one 1st birthday for your son. It needs to work for you as well as her, if you're going to be spending all that money, especially since, presumably, you will now be trying to save whilst on Mat leave!

Original poster

CuriosityCola · 22/12/2011 16:19

I don't mind the travelling part as it's her day and her choice. Trying not to out myself. If we keep our trip short we can fly out just after ds's birthday and make it back a few days before mine. Ds isn't invited and don't want to leave him too long. I feel I have to go as she is my younger sister and I am more like her mum.

I don't think she is trying to steal thunder. I had more been thinking that if I hold something for my 30th she might be put out. Not sure I will be able to afford to do something for it anyway.

OP posts:

Original poster

CuriosityCola · 22/12/2011 16:21

ginny money wise it is definitely going to be our holiday for the year.

OP posts:

startail · 22/12/2011 16:32

Why is las Vagus the worst place to take babies and toddlers?
I was there, Pre DCs, and I can't see it's any different to any other big city. Plus it has loads and loads of pretty lights and out door attractions to look at for free. Hotels have huge buffets so feeding fussy toddlers would be easy.
I was there on fathers day, so kids every where (local Hispanic families have meals out mostly).
I'm sure the atmosphere would be very different during a major boxing match.
But I liked far more than I expected too. I was only there to go to the Grand Canyon.
It is unbelievably hot, you need a hotel with a pool and to research indoor malls etc.

startail · 22/12/2011 16:36

Sorry dyslexic biologist, spelling vagus like that is a nerve - not a city.

mynewpassion · 22/12/2011 16:48

If you are that concerned about the cost to your parents and other family members traveling up for both you and your child's first birthday, why not just celebrate it all at once if they are only a little more than a week apart. Make it mainly about your child but they can bring you gifts and wish you a happy birthday too.

Geordieminx · 22/12/2011 16:54

I would celebrate your sons birthday, fly out to Vegas, go to your sisters wedding, then onto somewhere else to celebrate your 30th. Miami? new York?

newgirl · 22/12/2011 16:59

I realise ds not invited but i think vegas would be a very easy place to take him, if you decide to. Sure you won't be taking him casinos but loads of great hotels with pools etc, everything air conditioned, good food, loads of places to walk with buggy etc.

im thinking too that your son is very young still so you might be feeling bit tired etc? Just thinking that by next Sept you might be well up for a trip to vegas! Really hope parents do go, Id be gutted to miss my kids weddings

Original poster

CuriosityCola · 22/12/2011 17:03

mynewpassion I had already thought it would be more about ds.

geordie that would be lovely if we could afford it. Don't want to take advantage of mil either. She loves spending time with her gc, but I know she finds it tiring.

I think I am just going to suck it up. I can maybe do a meal with friends for my birthday. Ds will still have my dh's parents there if I hold a little party. I think I am just being precious because the ideas I had in my head have changed.

OP posts:

Original poster

CuriosityCola · 22/12/2011 17:06

newgirl I think you are right. Tiredness does not come with rational thinking.

OP posts:

Haziedoll · 22/12/2011 18:33

Startail the reason that I said Vegas is the worst place for toddlers/babies is because it's so bloody hot and everything revolves around casinos which you have to be 21 for. The op isn't planning on taking her ds anyway.

pingu2209 · 22/12/2011 19:41

I LOVED my sister's Vegas wedding. When she told me she was getting married in Vegas and wanted me there I smiled and said 'how nice' and all the right things.

I was horrified.

I was wrong.

I had a fabulous few days.

However, you really need to bottom out any child care as the experience is not great with children.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread