To claim that we have infection in our house so 'd'm shouldn't come for Christmas

[Cristiane]

My mother has never been exactly supportive. She displays many if the characteristics of narcissism that I have read about in here.

She is coming to ours for dd1s birthday(23rd December) and for Christmas

Dd2 has been in hospital for three days with asthma and chest infection And is only just getting better. My mother has never been that 'into' dd1 but always seemed to like dd2. However, when I spoke to her at the weekend she wanted 'to drop everything' (her words) to come and help. I said it would be brilliant if she would come because with dh and I at hospital on twelve hour shifts and trying to look after dd1 too. Then she called me back (this the kind of thing she does) sayings I can't expect her to 'drop everything' and it is not worth driving 1.5 hours here to chuddle dd2 for a few hours in hospital.

Anyway, she hasn't called since to see how d2 is, apart from one time. Dh is so pissed off. She seems want To avoid us or anything that is to Do with us but her guilt doean't let her admit it. We were wondering. Is it out of order to pretend dd2 has a v infectious throat swab result and not to come to us?

I'd do it. The idea of family is that they are there through thick and thin. If she wants to pick and choose then I think you get to pick and choose too. But I would definitely make something up as it isn't worth being honest with people like that as they just don't get it.

Why not just be honest? The truth will come out one day and cause no end of issues if she's as 2 faced as you make out. Plus lying this year won't solve the problem, which will still exist next year.

However, it's a bit late for her to make new plans for Christmas, so if I were you I'd have her over as planned, then talk honestly about it and don't invite her next year.

If you lie this year then talk to her, she'll catch on and it'll be even more awkward.

Thank you. It is difficult. I have been so worn down by her I find it hard to get perspective.

She doesn't call and doesn't seem to care but as I am now a mother who cares so much about my children I can't quite get over the attitude. I think most people care so much about their children they can't quite believe me, when I say what she is like.