to feel a bit hard done by?

[GloryandSoap]

So today was DH's first day off work for Christmas and he goes back on 4th Jan. I was off work today as I always am on a Wednesday and then I am working all day tomorrow and Friday and until 1pm on Saturday. I am then back at work on 29th Dec. I am 17wks pg with DC2 and DS is 2.7yo.

I had expected today that with DH being off I would get a bit of a rest, especially since I won't be getting any rest until at least Boxing Day and I've been suffering with a lingering cold. As it happens, I was the one that got up with DS this morning (admittedly not too early as DS didn't wake til 7.15am) and DH didn't appear until 10am. I then took DS off to meet up with friends for soft play and when I got back, DH was out and the house was as I'd left it including DH's breakfast things still in the living room, nothing done with loaded dishwasher or washing machine, etc. So I cleared all that up. DH came home about 4pm and said he'd met a friend for coffee and then gone into town. At about 5pm, he then disappeared upstairs to bed and is still there!

I understand he needs to unwind from work which has been stressful the last few months but he will have tomorrow and Friday when I'm at work and DS is at nursery!

AIBU?

No. Why's he in bed?? Was the coffee in town too strong?!!

YANBU. If you hadn't said DH then I would have assumed he was your teenage son. Why didn't you say to him yesterday "Ok, DH I need a day off tomorrow as I'll be busy for the whole of Christmas so you'll be getting up with DS, I'll take him out for a while and then you'll take over when I get home." ?

I should have said that to him yesterday! I think I'll be preparing him for 26th and 27th especially as I'm catering for 8 on Christmas Day!

You're catering for 8? Is DH doing nothing? It sounds to me like you're not really a team at all.

Sounds like he could do with a kick up the arse! Perhaps let it go for today, first day off and all that. Tomorrow when you go off to work, leave him a list!

Well, you had plans for the morning so fair enough for him to go and meet a friend. Did you explicitly arrange for him to have DS in the afternoon....?

Why did you tidy up?

Anyway he has all day tomorrow and Friday to get the house all clean and tidy for Christmas. All he needs is a list and a bit of motivation which I'm sure you can supply.

Actually it's not that bad - he has ordered the turkey and a goose and he's picking them up and the veg from the farm on Saturday morning whilst I'm at work.

He's also just reappeared downstairs and DS promptly filled his nappy and DH is dealing with that :) He's also said he'll do DS's bedtime whilst I cook us dinner. Maybe he's got a touch of the guilts!

Why did you strange to go to softplay on his first day off?! You could have spent time as a family

I didn't arrange anything for today - I obviously presumed too much!

I have made a list of everything that needs doing the next few days so maybe tonight I'll share that with him and share it out

We were meant to be going to a local farm to go round their Winter wonderland and see the animals with friends. I asked if he wanted to go and he said no. By the time we got there it was raining so we went in the soft play barn there instead.

I always find that the first few days that DH is off from work and we are all around is a bit stressful. Yes I believe your dh he was a bit (very) lame today but put him straight and move on...

its a shame you have to work but it might be good to get some time away. Meanwhile pull the pregnancy-need-for rest as much as you can...truly - a 20 min lie down is much needed for you and number two.

Best of holidays!

do you tell him this?

cos i find a lot with DP that this happens often and it's because we just both have completely different ideas about how the day is going to pan out.

your dh thinks "great, no work, i can chill out"

you think "great, dh will be here, i can chill out"

it's just a lack of communication.
I will admit that had it been me i'd have said "dp can you get up with ds this mrning? i'm knackered/pg and it'd be lovely to have a lie-in"

or i'd have gone up and said OI YOU time to get up i'm off for a shower and left the toddler with him

it's not unreasonable of you to expect some extra help from him and to be able to get a rest, but you DO need to tell him and ask for help as well

Why on earth did you get out of bed? I wouldnt of got up I would of stayed in bed until later and then we would all of gone out as a family as your working tomo and ds is at nursery. There is no chance I would of got up first

He is offering to do bedtime while you cook dinner..? Er...why can't he cook dinner. And do bedtime?
You looked after ds all day and tidied up.
Do I not get this because I am not married? Is this why I am not married?

DS was calling for mummy and DH was snoring so I got up.

thisisyesterday - I agree in future I need to set out my expectations and not expect DH to be a mind reader!

I am shocked that he was like that tbh so he wouldnt spend time with you as family on one of the only days you have to do it, your cooking an xmas dinner for 8, you got up first, he had a sleep til 10, went out for coffee, didnt clear up and then went back for a nap. I would be kicking right off tbh