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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? DP annoyed at me about visit to his Parents

42 replies

Mercapto · 21/12/2011 10:24

Dp is in the huff with me and said to call the whole thing off last night.

We were planning on going to see his parents over the holidays and they live an hour and forty minutes away. So I was suggesting we arrive at theirs early and leave early so that it would fit in with DD's (15 months) naps and bedtime.

That was when he got annoyed because "he doesn't see his family that often".

I just can't help thinking what a mare of a day it's going to be. We will have to visit atleast three houses. (Parents are divorced) None of the houses will be toddler proof and there are five cats at one of the houses. How do I keep DD entertained and fit in a nap I do not know.

DD is not the laid back type and very inquistive and quite tantrumy just now......

Am I being a gimp here?

OP posts:

Miette · 21/12/2011 10:54

If your dp won't help out on the day, I suggest you arrange a visit to your own family where you sit back and relax and drink and he gets to run around after dd and deal with overtired tantrums.

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 21/12/2011 10:54

'Perhaps if you were a bit more laid back your kid might be too. He wants to see his family at Christmas, and you are complaining. Of course YABU.'

Yup, of course, but also

A truly laid back position could easily equate here to you asking why your Christmas Day should consist of tear-arsing around the family, onus on you to do all the visiting, while they get to sit cosily at home and have a drink. And you're also the one with a baby to care for...

'How do I keep DD entertained and fit in a nap I do not know'

A really good plan which might help get you in the Christmas spirit is to just ask your DH, the other parent, who wants to be tear-arsing around, how he plans to do the above. Because if the plan is that you spend the day child-caring in a series of different houses while he has a jolly time socialising with everyone, then I can see why you're so stressy about it all!

callmemrs · 21/12/2011 11:00

YABU if your life is being dictated by routines. And that applies to whether it's a 15 month old or any other situation really. Christmas is a once a year event. Can you really not be a bit flexible about naps and bed time as a one off? Tbh children are more likely to be adaptable if the parents are. If you are so precious about routine, your dd will probably be a slave to it too. If you chill a bit, then she'll pick up that you are relaxed.
Also, think about how things would be if you have another child. Children don't always synchronise nap times and meal times perfectly. You would have to be a bit more flexible so why not try it now?

ATruthFestivelyAcknowledged · 21/12/2011 11:03

A really good plan which might help get you in the Christmas spirit is to just ask your DH, the other parent, who wants to be tear-arsing around, how he plans to do the above. Because if the plan is that you spend the day child-caring in a series of different houses while he has a jolly time socialising with everyone, then I can see why you're so stressy about it all!

Hear hear! That's kind of what I meant, but Crunch explained it much better!

DoesNotGiveAFig · 21/12/2011 11:04

Lonnie · 21/12/2011 11:09

Why not leave early and commute from one house to the next during nap time? Wont she sleep in the car or??

If you bring pjs etc you can do the usual bedtime routine at the last house and stick her into the car seat with her duvet and begin driving home that way.

slavetofilofax · 21/12/2011 11:10

I meant what crunch said too!

Original poster

Mercapto · 21/12/2011 11:17

I thought I was the laid back, chilled, quiet type. Was shocked when DD arrived! From birth she seemed to be very head strong. I was hoping that was just her way rather than me having a negative effect!

Thank you for the helpful suggestions. Deep down I think she will enjoy herself but will definitely get DP to ask his parents to the clear away sometimes ornaments etc.

Got me thinking actually. I do organise everything to do with DD. He was pissed off last night too when I mentioned i needed both car seats so my mum can take her to her xmas party at nursery. I only just remembered about it last night and told him in bed before sleep? Think I need to address this!

There is one evil cat who hits but I think they will be kept out the way...

OP posts:

ledkr · 21/12/2011 11:19

You are lucky its only a day.I always have to uproot and stay or have pil to stay here.They do nothing to help and are very stuffy (unlike common me)
On new years eve instead of going to a great house party,we will be sat drinking sensibly on best behaviour after struggling to get dd2 10months to sleep in a strange place followed by a night on the bed settee which we can only go to once they have gone to bed as its in the kitchen/diner then probably woken at 5am by dd as she wakes phenominally early if is out of routine.
So would i rather have day of no naps and irritating rellies-hell yes

ledkr · 21/12/2011 11:19

2 NIGHTS BTW

Laquitar · 21/12/2011 11:23

Your dd will be entertained! Gps will chat to her, she will see diffferent houses, xmas trees and decorations and 5 cats. Thats heaven for a 15mo. Try to relax.

Every time i read '2 hours by car' i get . I wish our families were 2 hours by car. No flights cost, no travelling to airports, waiting, queing, crap airplane food, luggage allowance. I wish i could put whatever i like in the car without weighting and just drive off whenever i like it.

Honestly, see the bright side.

redwineformethanks · 21/12/2011 11:25

Maybe you could try to visit more often during the year, then Christmas Day wouldn't be such a big deal.

If your DP is threatening to "call the whole thing off" do you mean end the relationship? That sounds a huge reaction to Christmas Day discussions. Is there a chance that he feels he is in second place now you have a child? If so, I'd say that is something you might wish to address, as that's a biggie

Original poster

Mercapto · 21/12/2011 11:27

Aww Laquitar I will try!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mercapto · 21/12/2011 11:28

I think he was referring to the trip rather than our relationship. If not, then I have seriously misunderstood!

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 21/12/2011 11:30

I'm plenty laid back, has no impact on dd. She would be a raving nightmare without a nap and no fun for anyone. It is your DH's responsibility as much as yours, if he gets to call the shots he has to do half the work.

Fwiw, we tend to time long journeys with naps, it is logical if you have a non sleeping baby.

Laquitar · 21/12/2011 11:33

I read it as 'calling off the trip'.

Deliaskis · 21/12/2011 11:38

I think there needs to be a bit of give and take here. You need to accept that there will sometimes be disruption to your routine, but I do agree with Crunch et al that he needs to do his fair share of the childcare on the day, so it's not just hard work fo you and fun for him. He needs to do his share of not just the 'doing' part but also the 'thinking' e.g. when is DC going to eat (a bit mean to be in the middle of a long journey at a time when she will be starving etc.) and sleep and what will be the best/easiest way to do it for everybody to have a nice day. A bit of planning should do the trick, but then you both have to be on board with the plan on the day itself.

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