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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not get dh anything for xmas...

24 replies

ssd · 21/12/2011 09:35

he's not getting me anything either

money is always tight for us and I've made sure the kids are alright gift wise

I've always wanted what I can't buy - close, loving extended family nearby who are interested in my kids, and a mum who isnt very elderly and frail and needing my care, basically what I see all around me but has never happened to us, family either too far away or wrapped up in themselves

anyway AIBU?

am working up till kids are off school and have no time/money/energy to think of something anyway

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 21/12/2011 09:37

Has anyone said YABU for not buying each other gifts?

I can't imagine it's anyone else's business

skirmish · 21/12/2011 09:37

Yanbu. We've decided just to buy kids this year. Tbh, if we need/want something desperately enough, we'll save up for it anyways...and the fact I'd worry I'd end up with a load of tat!

diddl · 21/12/2011 09:38

We haven´t done presents for years-it´s rare that either of us want anything tbh & we´re both too mean to buy for the sake of it-beyond a token such as chocs, socks...

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 21/12/2011 09:38

Of course not. It's only stuff.

Are you feeling a bit sad about your family situation?

FlossieFromCrapstonVillas · 21/12/2011 09:39

Nah, I'm not bothered, happier to see the DCs open theirs. DH is the same.

OLizzylouofBethlehem · 21/12/2011 09:40

We never spend much on each other, a colleague at work was aghast at how little I'd bought DH. She'd spent £500+ on her other half, about 1 /10 of my spend.
YANBU

Ragwort · 21/12/2011 09:40

I much prefer a 'voucher' type gift - ie: the one thing I would love for Christmas is for my DH to wash my car - it might happen. We don't go in for big, expensive presents, I genuinely don't see the point for adults, but of course, everyone is different and I have a 'frined' who goes into a major strop if her DH doesn't spend 100s of £s on some piece of useless jewellery.

Are your DH happy together - that would be the most important thing for me ?

Original poster

ssd · 21/12/2011 09:42

hecate, yes I am sad about our family situation, have been for years and its something I can't shake off, no matter how hard I try

OP posts:

AdditionMultiplication · 21/12/2011 09:43

That is what we are doing. Too skint to get anything for each other. In fact, as family don't buy for adults, we are getting nothing at all.

hellhasnofury · 21/12/2011 09:46

We've just had a £700+ bill for his car so all presents between us are off It's not the gifts that count though for us, it's the spending time together as a family that's important.

miSaltireandwine · 21/12/2011 09:52

No you are not BU. We're not spending much on each other - £20 limit. We simply don't have any spare cash, in fact, our food shopping has been done at waitrose, courtesy of JL vouchers I won on here.

fivegomadindorset · 21/12/2011 09:54

I have bought DH something from DC's and myself something from DC's, our birthdays are in Jan/Feb so we are off for 2 nights then as a joint birthday and christmas present, hotel nights being my parents present to us.

moondog · 21/12/2011 09:58

I'm not getting anything for mine (and vice versa) by mutual consent.
We have all we need and if i want something i will buy it myself out of what is, after all, our money.

I haven't wanted anything for Christmas since I received my ELO Greatest Hits tape in 1981.

redskyatnight · 21/12/2011 09:58

We've never done the big present thing either. Neither of us can see the point of getting something "just because" (and more so when money is tight), so some years we get each other something, some years we don't - I think it is no big deal if you agree what you are doing.

This year I've told DH I'd rather buy some new pans in the sales than get presents (our old ones are falling to bits) so we are doing that. I'm sure lots of people will be shaking their heads at that but who cares?

mumto2andnomore · 21/12/2011 10:00

We have always done presents but if you and your dh are happy not to its fine. Think I would wrap up his favourite chocolate bar or something if we were skint.

NineStories · 21/12/2011 10:01

DP and I agreed not to exchange gifts this year but we've both gone and done it anyway. Nothing fancy or expensive - just thoughtful items the other will appreciate. For my part I really enjoy choosing (& sometimes making) things for him - and I love love love wrapping gifts!

ssd - my family all live in another country and this time of year I tend to miss them more than usual. The financial reality is such that i only see them about once every year and a half - not usually at Christmas. Because of this, one thing that DP, DSS & I have been doing this year is 'setting' holiday traditions, which we'll continue doing annually. This little bit of effort has brought a lot of joy to our little family of 3! Maybe this would work for you too?

SlackSally · 21/12/2011 10:05

We're not doing presents either. As others have said, as adults, we have the ability to buy ourselves what we think we need or what we want.

We are treating ourselves to a nice meal out, though.

pepperrabbit · 21/12/2011 10:08

redsky we've treated ourselves to a new brabantia bin this year! makes your saucepans look positively glamorous .
I've bought him a bar of chocolate marzipan as well as that's his favourite - he'll probably get me some shortbread, and we'll be quite happy.

ExitPursuedBySanta · 21/12/2011 10:08

ssd I tell DH what I want - this year I am getting a shovel (for the stables). He has asked for a book on trains.

It is just me, DH and DD on Christmas Day, and I bloody hate it. My Dad is housebound so I am taking a meal to him. All my family live either overseas or at opposite ends of the country. DHs family are all 3 hours away. My DD loves Christmas but I look at her and think "You have no idea what it could/should be like". My childhood Christmases were full of daft games and noise and laughter. We will probably take the dog for a walk and watch the tv. One of my wishes for DD as she grows up is that she marries someone from a large family and can get to experience the big family Christmas.

mumeeee · 21/12/2011 10:14

I love giving and receiving presents. DH and I always buy something for each other. We don't spend much £50 is the maximum I would never spend £500 on DH and he wouldn't expect me to, But if you are both happy with
that arrangement YANBU.

squeakytoy · 21/12/2011 10:45

We are not bothering to buy each other presents this year. There is nothing either of us really wants. My husband is working right up until Xmas Eve, and really has no time to go shopping.

It is just me, him and MIL on Xmas day, and I really cant be bothered to make any effort this year. All my stepkids are adults, and we dont see them at Xmas, and since my FIL and my Mum died, (both in same year and this will be 3rd year since they died), it isnt the same anymore and never will be.

Original poster

ssd · 21/12/2011 22:30

thanks for all replies

OP posts:

Original poster

ssd · 21/12/2011 22:31

exit, I know exactly what you mean, I just think, what the kids dont have they'll never miss (hopefully!)

OP posts:

scrappydoodah · 21/12/2011 23:44

I can understand buying gifts for kids, but not adults. I have asked DH for a cuddle and a card. Do whatever works for you, and don't feel pressurised by the other peoples' mad unaffordable shopping frenzy.

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