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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a christmas card off my boyfriend

38 replies

ConnorCamden · 21/12/2011 08:59

Been with my boyfriend 3 months almost. I spent a long time buying him the perfect (in my opinion) christmas card. Gave it to him last week. Yesterday I half-jokingly asked when am I getting my card off him. He was a little surprised and jokingly said he'll do me one out of the 50 for a £1 box he'd bought.

Looking around his lounge, I realised that his family don't send christmas cards to each other. In my family, we always have done.

AIBU to be a little upset that it doesn't look like I'm getting a Chrsitmas card off my boyfriend?

OP posts:
Kayano · 21/12/2011 09:00

I have just got one off DH but I haven't got him one yet lol.

Confused
GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 21/12/2011 09:01

I never send cards to family either, they're usually for people you don't see. If you can see the person to wish them a happy Christmas then that's job done.

rainbowinthesky · 21/12/2011 09:02

I never sent them to family.

FrankincenseStellaAndFries · 21/12/2011 09:03

I haven't bought one for dp.

SandStorm · 21/12/2011 09:03

I've never sent/given one to my DH or DCs. Same goes for birthdays. I don't see the point if I'm actually with them on the day. When the DCs leave home, then I'll send them.

Pagwatch · 21/12/2011 09:04

I have been married for 22 years. I have never given my dh a Christmas card.
I give Christmas cards to people I will not see at Christmas.

NinkyNonker · 21/12/2011 09:05

I sent one to my parents this year as we're not seeing them till NY. But I don't normally, and don't do one for DH as a rule. However at 3 months I wouldn't count myself as family as presumably you don't live together? So in your case I would probably have expected a card.

Rudolfsgottarednose · 21/12/2011 09:08

I don't like to give cards because of the environmental damage factor. My DP likes to get cards and the first Easter after we were together complained about not getting a card until Christmas. Now i know that they mean so much to him i do give him cards and others who really like them, generally elderly relatives.

In a way it is a compliment that he sees you as he does his family. He obviously keeps up the social niceties for outsiders but feels close enough to you to not have to.

nizlopi · 21/12/2011 09:12

That's a weird thing to get upset with someone over.

ShengdanRoad · 21/12/2011 09:40

Is it really that important? Really? In the grand scheme of things?

MollyTheMole · 21/12/2011 09:47

ahh YANBU if you have only been together 3 months. I think its all part of the not been together long 'thing' and its your first christmas together, everything is great, you'll love each other forever, never argue, live forever etc etc (am NOT saying that to be patronising btw, its how I felt with DP when we first met). Your both still n with each other if you like so little things like this will upset the 'ideal' a bit.

Me and DP have been together 10 years, I actually get annoyed with him about cards now as he waits until the last minute and goes to a local boutiquey arty farty card shop so ends up spending £5 on a card. Thats £5 on ONE card. Poor sod cant win Grin

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 21/12/2011 09:48

You feel how you feel.

However, christmas cards - imo - are really for those people that you don't see every day! Grin distant relatives, old friends.

Not someone you're sleeping with!

MollyTheMole · 21/12/2011 09:48

*"your're both still on probation with each other" that should say

ViviPrudolf · 21/12/2011 09:52

Welcome to the wonderful world of Two Family Christmas Traditions Colliding that is always inevitable when you get together with someone. Inter-realtionship Christmas card giving or lack thereof is just the tip of the iceberg, OP.

MollyTheMole · 21/12/2011 09:52

ha this has just reminded me of mine and DPs first card to each other. I bought him one of those blue nose bear ones, vair expensive, came with its own little box, wrapped in tissue paper (very poncey) with a heartfelt, shakespearean love sonnet in it.

I got a generic one with a cartoon father christmas and a ginger cat which apparently took him ages to pick out because he was trying to find a christmassey card which also had a cat on it, because I like cats Hmm

melika · 21/12/2011 10:00

YABU, forget the card where's the prezzie!

StandingAlone · 21/12/2011 10:04

YABU, Christmas cards are a waste of money, time and not to mention resources.

I find them pointless TBH and have never sent them. I donate the money I would have spent to a charity instead.

As another poster said, in the grand scheme of things it is not really something to be getting upset about really.

Buttttttt having said that if it does upsets you so much you could maybe talk to him about it and ask him to buy you a nice GF Xmas card.

redskyatnight · 21/12/2011 10:10

Your family "does" cards. Your BF's family doesn't. If you're in a non-card family it is very hard to understand why someone you see all the time would want you to spend a small fortune on a piece of cardboard. If you are in a card-doing family it is hard to understand why people wouldn't do this is they care about you.

Embrace each other's differences.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 21/12/2011 10:10

My first Christmas with one (now ex) boyfriend happened about three months after we got together.

I spent a lot of time picking out a card and a fairly expensive present, and my parents bought him quite an expensive gift as well.

He gave me three jars of boiled sweets that he'd had in his bedroom since before I met him, a boomerang that he had brought back on his trip to Australia a few months before he met me and two of those really cheap classic paperbacks that you can get in The Works at 3 for £5.00 and that I suspect he had bought to read on his college course in the new year.

It's not like he couldn't afford anything decent, he'd just not bothered to get me anything. It wasn't even a last minute thing, he gave me them three days before Christmas to put under the tree at home because we wouldn't be together first thing on Christmas day.

I don't think I got a card at all.

YANBU to want a card, but please don't let it spoil your first Christmas together if he doesn't give you a card, or doesn't get one that is quite what you had hoped for.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 21/12/2011 10:51

There are more important things in life to get upset about. DH and I never send each other Christmas cards. Although I appreciate in a new relationship you can get a bit more hung up about sending cards etc.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 21/12/2011 10:52

Don't worry, I am lucky if I get one from my DH -he hasn't gotten me owt for crimbo either - these things aren't important in the grand scheme.

Selks · 21/12/2011 10:54

I hope you're not actually upset over this - it's so ridiculously trivial.

Pandemoniaa · 21/12/2011 10:59

We don't send cards to each other either. Never have. Cards are for people you don't see that often. If you come from a family that doesn't exchange cards it can be difficult to understand why you are suddenly being expected to make what seems like a pointless gesture. So whatever you do, don't assume this is evidence of a lack of interest in you and certainly, don't get bothered by it.

EricNordmanfirandMistletoe · 21/12/2011 11:10

Yabu

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 21/12/2011 11:12

Don't let it spoil things - the way of the other people is bound to be different to how your family do things. Its still early days so don't get precious about this, and if it really means so much to you then talk about this for next year.

This is second christmas with boyfriend - last year I didn't get him a card as its not something I've done. I got a very soppy one from him that I've kept because I am soppy

This year I actually wanted to get him one - as feeling very loved up and realise it is something that him and his family 'do' so will make him happy and actually was quite nice to write down my feelings about this year and next year.

Also did the unthinkable and have bought a personalised card for his parents and his sister from both of us. Its only £3 for the 3 cards from card factory and I eventually found appropriate ones that weren't too tacky or twee and I know they will be appreciated...

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