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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not really get why we would "legitimise" our DC?

71 replies

SenseofEntitlement · 20/12/2011 22:29

Me and DH had our DDs before we were married, but when we went to register DD2 and mentioned that we were getting married soon, the registrar made a fuss about how we should come back after the wedding and, for a fee, we could "legitimise" the children.

Why?

I can only think it would be useful for maybe inheriting titles or something, and there is no danger of that in our families.

OP posts:
1Catherine1 · 20/12/2011 22:55

I don't think so SenseofEntitlement. The registrar implied that to me but I googled it and found that all children are equal in the eyes of inheritance as long as they have the dad on the birth certificate. I could be mis-informed though

Original poster
SenseofEntitlement · 20/12/2011 22:56

I say "if the girls were boys" because, tbf, being girls puts them at a disadvantage anyway for this imaginary title.

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 20/12/2011 22:56

There's no intestacy issues with the children being "legitimate" or otherwise... so I don't know what Finallygotaroundtoit or HoBloodyHo are saying.

I believe before the PR rules were changed, then PR was gained if you were married after registering the birth, however that would no longer be relevant.

1Catherine1 · 20/12/2011 23:01

Here I found it, An example showing whether parents are married or not does not effect inheritance, quoted from here

For example: Alan and Grace were married and have two children, Tim and Annie. Alan and Grace get divorced. Alan then has a child, Mark, with his new partner Beata. Alan and Beata do not marry. Alan dies. Grace does not inherit under the intestacy rules because she is divorced from Alan and neither does Beata because she has not married Alan. Tim, Annie and Mark inherit all of Alan's estate in equal shares.

mrsjay · 20/12/2011 23:06

IF we were all royalty then i think it would matter as its all about titles isnt it , but to mere mortals i dont think it really matters unless the legitmate children get greedy when we die ,

Pandemoniaa · 20/12/2011 23:07

I thought the very concept of illegitamacy had been consigned to where it belongs, back in a less tolerant past!

As it happens, ex-h and I were married when we had the dcs so not an issue.

However, ds2 is on dgd's birth certificate and the registrar took great care to explain that this meant he also had parental responsibility. Which wasn't any sort of a problem because, as dgd's father t he wants to be a responsible parent despite him and ddil not actually marrying until 2012!

I really didn't think it was necessary to legitimise a birth when both parents are on the birth certificate.

kellibabylove · 20/12/2011 23:25

When we registered dd2 we re registered dd1 at the same time she was 6 months old when we got married. They're both in the register as twins now lol even though they were born 16 months apart which is kinda nice. I didn't see the point either tbh as she already had DH's surname but did it anyway while we were there :)

RillaBlythe · 20/12/2011 23:28

I think this is utter bollocks too. What, now we are married we can wipe out the stain of dd1's illegitimacy? Hmm I'm illegitimate myself - all the best people are (like you sense my dad was still technically married to someone else!)

lisaro · 20/12/2011 23:43

It's one if those archaic things - a child born out of wedlock is illegitimate. At one time divorced women were not received in polite society. Luckily these things aren't frowned upon any more. And did you know, if you're not baptised you technically can't get married in a church. That should save us some money on the youngest lol.

MarTURKEYSTEWart · 20/12/2011 23:46

Was I meant to re-register DS when we got married then? Confused

That's the first I have heard of it.

mrsjay · 20/12/2011 23:46

I was born in wedlock (JUST ) it seemed to be the thing to do back then as there was a stigma of being illigitimate , my dad turned out to be a right loon and they seperated by the time i was 2 , Im kinda glad there isnt that shotgun wedding thing anymore ,

SocksandRugsandRocknRoll · 21/12/2011 00:21

It's a legal requirement to re-register the birth if the natural parents have married, under the Legitimacy Act 1976, so not all that long ago. It is probably just an oddity to most people, unless you have a complex inheritance or things like titles, it will hardly affect you or your children.

But you don't have to pay anything (just a fee for a new bc if you want one but that's optional) and it is the law, so I don't see why you wouldn't just go ahead and do it really.

Original poster
SenseofEntitlement · 21/12/2011 00:30

I don't see why I would tbh. It's an afternoon out of my and DHs lives, and serves, even in a small way, to perpetuate things that I don't want to perpetuate. If it makes no positive effect, and in fact has a negative effect (that of somehow continuing the idea that children of unmarried parents are somehow inferior) then I'm certainly not going to catch three buses to sit about waiting in a register office to sign a form.

If we happened to be in the register office for some reason anyway, and the forms were just sitting there, I would probably sign them, just on the off chance that DH is secretly the heir to the throne or something. Or I might not, and go all over the internet and write to papers and my MP about it. Depending on how arsed I was at that time.

OP posts:
1Catherine1 · 21/12/2011 00:32

Mainly because it is an inconvenience Socks. It is just one of those jobs you do when you get around to it. Like phoning the electricity company to set up that direct debit and change the name on the account to someone who actually exists not the made up person they invented to bill us. It has to be done but is not immediately important so it gets left, and left, and left.

youngermother1 · 21/12/2011 01:03

Unfortunately it is a legal requirement www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1976/31/section/9.

However, not registering does not prevent ligitimisation, the marriage automatically means that the children are legitimate, even if the parents were married to someone else before.
Oh, and there is a fine for not doing it - it cannot exceed £2.

DiddyMary · 21/12/2011 01:56

Lisaro,
"And did you know, if you're not baptised you technically can't get married in a church."
At least in the Church of England that's not true
www.yourchurchwedding.org/faqs/i39m-not-christened-and-i-don39t-go-to-church-can-i-still-have-a-church-wedding.aspx
That said, there are some circumstances in which being baptised makes it easier to get married in a parish you don't live in.

lisaro · 21/12/2011 02:13

Oops - I really thought that was correct, Diddy. Thanks for the info.

sashh · 21/12/2011 05:54

It's the 'being children of the family' part.

I have a friend whose mother had to go to court to prove that all three of her children were 'children of the family' - ie the soon to be ex had to pay maintenance for all three not just the one he fathered.

There can be other issues re medical care, if the parents are unwed the mother can dictate medical treatment the father can't. Technically this carries on after marriage, although in reality medical staff have no idea when you were married and will include dad in descisions (most do if the parents are unmarried but legally they can ignore dad's wishes)

Again with custody, if the parents split the father has no rights of access to an illigitimate child.

MabelLucyAttwell · 21/12/2011 08:20

To ensure that all your children, illegitimate or legitimate, receive equal shares from your estate (if you are the surviving /spouse/partner), all you have to do is make a Will.

Make a Will once you are 18 and change it when you like or when your circumstances change eg marriage or spouse's death. It works. I don't know why you are making things so complex when it's so easy.

And those of you who have or are planning to have children and are not married, marry your parters. Someof us were 'brought up properly'.

MabelLucyAttwell · 21/12/2011 08:21

partners

TheRealTillyMinto · 21/12/2011 08:39

Dps family have a small trust fund set up by a distant relation with an obsession that his alcoholic son would have lots of random children. So it was set up for 'children of the whole blood' meaning legitimate. I wonder if legitimize would make them them of the whole blood should the need arise.

he was such a moral man. He drank whiskey for breakfast in front of the children and brought prostitutes to the family home. No wonder his poor son drank himself to an early grave

Groovee · 21/12/2011 08:46

Apparently it's required by law to re register your child's birth to add your marriage date. My bloody parents never did it and it annoys me. My friend's registrar did it all automatically for her when she got married.

RillaBlythe · 21/12/2011 08:49

sashh I think your info is out of date. Unmarried fathers named on the birth certificate of kids born post 2000/200-something (can't remember) have full parental responsibility.

I Totally agree with sense on this thread. 40% of children are born out of wedlock aren't they? So let's update our systems & scrap this old fashioned 'shaming'.

I was born out of wedlock in the early 80s & the only way my dad could have parental responsibility was if my mum accused him of fathering me so there's this great document in my papers where my parents plead guilty to said bastard child Rilla.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 21/12/2011 08:58

It is a requirement under the law and whilst it remains a requirement the registrar is obliged to tell you to do it. Whether you go and do it is up to you, no-one will come and cart you off to prison.

The wording 'to legitimise' is old-fashioned. I used to say to make the child 'of the marriage'.

RillaBlythe · 21/12/2011 08:59

grovee when has it come up? I wasn't re registered & I have got this far in my adult life without any comment whatsoever.