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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be a bit annoyed with my friend???

50 replies

bloodychildishifuaskme · 20/12/2011 18:23

this has irritated me all day.

First thing this morning my friends son came to call for my son, he wasn't allowed out as we had other friends coming round.

Anyway friends DS then says you have a flat tyre.

Great, I needed the car to get my friends from the train station later.

I text my friend and asked if possible could I borrow her car for 10 minutes whilst I whizzed to the station to get my other friends.

She text back that no I couldn't as hers funnily enough had a flat tyre too and couldn't be moved.

I ended up getting my dad to come over to fix it for me, luckily (!) my friends missed their connecting train, so were running late, and gave us time to get the car back on the road.

On the way back from the train station, I went past first friends house, no flat tyres!!!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed with her for lying to me??

I never ask for favours from anyone, she has borrowed my car loads when hers was off the road.

I ask once and get lied to!
She could have just said no!

OP posts:

IneedAChristmasNickname · 20/12/2011 18:41

MY SIL says she is insured to drive any vehicle, is this not true then? (I don't drive and genuinely assumed she is?)

Original poster

bloodychildishifuaskme · 20/12/2011 18:41

"Driving other cars is an extension that can be found on some policies. Its aim is to allow the driver to have cover whilst driving a vehicle, which is not the insured one

Restrictions - Cover is third party only, you must have the car owner's permission to use it, you cannot own the car being driven on the extension, and the other car must be a private vehicle"

Taken my insurerers website Littlest Light.

OP posts:

TrinityRhino · 20/12/2011 18:41

I would have offered to drive your too op because I wouldn't have wanted to lend my car but I would have wanted to help

whatstheetiquette · 20/12/2011 18:44

emsyj

IME, the "not my problem" attitude has been generated because people ask for a favour, it is willingly given and then the asker proceeds to ask for many, many more favours, totally taking the piss. The original, willing giver is then much less inclined to do anything (for anyone) again. I have been crapped on in this way and I don't want to let the same thing happen to me again. (Not suggesting this is what the OP has done, BTW).

Having said that, a car is a pretty big/expensive item to borrow. If you have your own car insurance (fully comp), it is likely that you are insured to drive other peoples' cars with their permission, but only 3rd party. So if you smashed it, you'd be responsble for paying the repair bill. But then, the crasher ends up not paying because they don't want to. It's just a minefield and I wouldn't lend my car without fully comp insurance, even though it is only worth about £1500, it's worth far more to me and I couldn't really replace it for that amount.

GypsyMoth · 20/12/2011 18:44

Thanks! Didn't know that.

lolaflores · 20/12/2011 18:44

emsyj well done you. no need for that. and if there were more people around to put themselves out and touch of compassion for folk now and again, well, i think the world would spin a bit easier on its axis. Sure some stuff isn't our problem, but in this case, there could have been some way to get things sorted. Telling fibs is not helpful.

emsyj · 20/12/2011 18:44

No, it wasn't an attack at all. I said most people have the attitude that you do. If you look at your own post, you said "Your transport difficulties are not her problem and she does not have to lend you her car". So, in essence, it's not her problem and she doesn't have to. I have simply commented that most people think this way and that I don't like it and prefer personally to do favours for people if I can. Not because I have to, or because I am responsible for other people's problems, but because it's nice to do people favours. It feels good and gives you a nice glowy feeling. You should try it sometime. It might make you a less angry and unpleasant person.

4madboys · 20/12/2011 18:44

you can get full insurance to drive any car, my dp has it but he has business insurance for driving as part of his job he often has to drive other vehicles.

op its annoying your friend lied, but maybe she got her tyre fixed? i would simply have said no as your third party insurance would not be ok for me to let you use our car. full comprehensive insurance then maybe, but she didnt have to. i would probably have offered a lift to help out tho.

Original poster

bloodychildishifuaskme · 20/12/2011 18:45

oops sorrys too many "ers" there!!!

said friend was waiting for her H to fix her car tonight.

Its not the not being allowed to use the car (a 15yr vw btw, so not a brand new 61 plate posh thing), it is the lying. that has irritated me.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 20/12/2011 18:45

Funnily enough, I woke on Sunday morning to a flat tyre!

I need to learn how to change one myself, assume it's not difficult.

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 20/12/2011 18:46

I was stating a fact, not an opinion.

You should try reading properly.

Original poster

bloodychildishifuaskme · 20/12/2011 18:48

Littlest, now I've helped do it, I am confident I could do it again, getting the spare from under that car was a mission in itself!

OP posts:

lolaflores · 20/12/2011 18:48

Littlelight I would be snookered if there was a flat tyre round these parts. and yes, I must have a little lesson on what to do. I am not too big a diva but will happily let others do my shit work for me. thats a new year resolution

lolaflores · 20/12/2011 18:49

Katie no need for the muppet comment though was there? That wasn't a fact really?

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 20/12/2011 18:54

It was a spectacularly inane and stupid post. Your incredible assumption about "people like me" and the statement about how I am "an angry and unpleasant person" as a result of a post stating a fact?

Muppet was quite kind and affectionate I thought.

TidyDancer · 20/12/2011 19:01

I think she was probably uncomfortable saying 'no' (some people are) and thought she'd buffer it for both of you by giving you a reason. My guess is she didn't expect you to stalk her car and inspect the tyres!

emsyj · 20/12/2011 20:10

I think you'll find that my comment saying you are angry and unpleasant came after yours saying I am a 'total muppet' and need to 'grow up'... So not exactly a response to you stating a fact. Rather a response to your rudeness and needlessly offensive posts.

You stated the fact that it isn't the friend's problem that the OP has no transport and that she doesn't have to give the OP a lift/lend her the car. I agree with you. What I have said is that I personally like to do favours regardless of whether I am obliged to. I am not sure what is 'spectacularly inane and stupid' about that.

I haven't made any assumptions about you either. It was you who said that it wasn't the friend's problem and that she doesn't have to help. I am just saying that I don't like the idea that you shouldn't just help someone anyway, to do them a favour, regardless of whether you own the problem or have any obligation to offer help.

Your personal insults directed at me indicate very clearly that you are unpleasant. You also sound quite angry - your replies are rather frothy. So that led to my conclusion (not an assumption) that you are unpleasant and angry.

festi · 20/12/2011 20:21

how do you know she lied? and what is the relevance that her son knocked your door asking for your ds.

I actually find that a bit strange that wouldnt have her son in your house, yet you call her to borrow her car.

Triggles · 20/12/2011 20:26

To be fair, it doesn't sound like you would have been very accepting of her saying no anyway. But it hardly takes any time at all to fix a flat anyway, so she could have fixed it herself.

A bit puzzled why if it was only 10 minutes away, your friends couldn't have just gotten a taxi? I'd have rather paid for a taxi myself for my friends rather than borrowing someone else's car last minute like that.

bamboostalks · 20/12/2011 20:31

Is she the mother of the boy who you said your son could not play with? Is that the problem? Do you think she took offence? If you lend your car then yes she should lend hers back. YANBU. Do not know why so many disagree?

Cherriesarelovely · 20/12/2011 20:33

I don't think YABU but, and maybe it is just me, I wouldn't really think of asking to borrow a friends car and I would be a bit surprised if they asked me. I don't know why I just would!

ginhag · 20/12/2011 20:33

Friend's DS said you have a flat tyre. I imagine friend's DS also said she had a flat tyre. Did either of you actually check?

Also, I don't think 'hahahaha!' counts as a personal attack, unless things have changed A LOT in the time I've been away.

Cherriesarelovely · 20/12/2011 20:36

And I have always driven old bangers so it's not me being precious!

ginhag · 20/12/2011 20:39

Go and look at your car now. I BET it doesn't have a flat tyre.

BandOMothers · 20/12/2011 20:42

You ought to be able to fix your own tyres.

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