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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not want my visitors to overlap?

22 replies

KDK12 · 20/12/2011 15:22

Disclaimer: I am 8 months pregnant with gestational diabetes, and sick of watching everyone else eat all the quality street.

we invited my PIL down for xmas, as we have the only grandchild and a spare room. i don't like having house guests anyway, because i am a miserable get. plus, MIL's snoring has woken the baby in the night on more than one occasion - it's an ungodly racket, even from the next room. it drives me insane.

skip to the end - i thought they were coming down on the 24th so i invited my bro and his wife for the afternoon/dinner on the 23rd. now it turns out PIL have decided to come down on the 23rd, even though they know we have guests already. i only see my bro twice a year if i'm lucky.

should i ask PIL to come down on the 24th instead? or shall i just suck it up and stop being a knob? they are really really nice people but for some reason i still find them irritating because they are also extremely dull.

oh dear. that doesn't look good written down. fire away! i now have to go to the doctors for the millionth time this month.

OP posts:
Earlybird · 20/12/2011 15:24

Brother and his wife are not spending the night, just visiting?

What does your dh think?

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 15:26

"now it turns out PIL have decided to come down on the 23rd,"

You've skipped over essential details here, OP. Did they phone/email and ask you and your DH if they could come on the 23rd? or (as I suspect) they have mentioned to your DH in passing that they will be coming on the 23rd and he's just gone 'oh ok'. Your reasonableness or lack thereof depends on the context of this change of plan.

DeeOfTheNorthPole · 20/12/2011 15:28

So your PIL have invited themselves for an extra night? That seems a bit rude to me. I'd politely say to them (or even better get your DH to do it) that's it's not convenient and you'd appreciate it if they could come on 24th as originally planned. At 8months pg everyone should be listening to your needs first imho!

Sirzy · 20/12/2011 15:30

You say "I thought they were coming" that's the problem you (or your dh) should have confirmed the details before planning something else.

EssentialFattyAcid · 20/12/2011 15:30

Tell PIL they can come on the 24th and the 23rd is not possible
Have no guilt

zipzap · 20/12/2011 15:40

Did they tell you they were changing the plans or did they tell your dh?

If it was the latter then ring them up and say that you think dh is talking nonsense, that you know they are arriving on the 24th, it was all organised that way and that you've got your bro here so you know you wouldn't have invited them then as you can't cope with two sets of guests while pregnant. And then see what they say - hopefully they will take the hint, say dh said it was ok and then you can explain that he screwed up and you're really sorry but you made the original plans for a reason and that you'll look forward to seeing them on the 24th but not before.

If they told you and you didn't say anything straight off then you need to get your dh to ring up and explain it won't be possible for them to cone until the 24th. Or if he won't you need to take a big breath and blame pg hormones for making you a bit doo-lally and that your brain wasn't in gear etc, you're frightfully sorry but you have other guests so need to stick to original plan.

Just keep on about original plan and organised like that for a reason if they try to talk you round.

Do you know why they are coming early - traffic, see your bro too, extra time with you, scrounge off you for longer, etc?... If you know it's easier to counteract their reasons for coming early!

Original poster
KDK12 · 20/12/2011 17:05

hmmm. well i suppose the problem is that it was never arranged what day the PILs were to arrive, i just ASSUMED (hoped) it would be xmas eve. then i suppose i was hoping that they would realise it sort of wasn't convenient to come on the day before because my brother was coming. my brother's not staying the night, they'll drive back late after dinner.

PILs want to come on the 23rd cos of traffic. if i tell my OH that i mind the overlap, he would ask them if they could change their plans, because he's nice like that.

it's just i don't really know about the reasonableness of such a request, since the original 'plans' were so vague. ughhhhhh.

OP posts:
mynewpassion · 20/12/2011 18:21

Assume makes an ass out of you and me. You should have firmed it up with the ILs when you invited your brother to visit so that you would not have this problem as you stated that you don't like having houseguests.

ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 18:23

It IS a reasonable request. Untwist your knickers and ask OH to have a word.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 18:29

I don't like visitors overlapping, either. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask your ILs to come in time for lunch on Christmas Eve.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 20/12/2011 18:59

I think it is entirely reasonable to want to have the day with your brother and his wife. If I was your brother I might think you a little rude to invite other guests on the same day, actually.

And I think your dh should talk to them, and say that unfortunately they aren't invited until the 24th (as opposed to asking them if they could change their plans). And he should apologise for not being very clear about the dates in the original invitation, too.

BerthaTheBogBurglar · 20/12/2011 19:00

Your dh should talk to your PILs, I meant. Not to your brother and his wife ...

squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 19:00

surely visitors overlapping like this is how family get to know each other.. :)

look on it as a blessing, even more people to make you cups of tea while you put your feet up! Grin

FabbyChic · 20/12/2011 19:01

Id tell them you have plans on the 23rd simple.

Rhubarbgarden · 20/12/2011 19:06

I would hate to have guests overlapping like that too. In fact I'm cringing at the very idea of my own brother and in-laws mixing. I think it's perfectly reasonable to admit to making assumptions, apologise and ask the in-laws if they'd mind terribly arriving on 24th instead so you can have a really good catch up with your brother and then give them your full undivided attention on 24th.

Original poster
KDK12 · 20/12/2011 19:22

done! OH has phoned his parents and asked them to change their plans. that's one extra MIL snoring-free night, and some uninterrupted bro time in the bag. thanks all!

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 20/12/2011 19:23

Excellent, OP Have a good one Xmas Smile

G1nger · 20/12/2011 19:30

It's not an entirely reasonable request. In fact, if I were your in-laws then I'd think it weak.

Rhubarbgarden · 20/12/2011 19:32

Pleased for you! Smile

Ungratefulchild · 20/12/2011 19:39

You're allowed to be unreasonable at 8 months pregnant. Glad it's sorted.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 19:55

For god's sake, g1inger! I hope you're more tolerant when you're a MIL.

G1nger · 20/12/2011 20:45

That's a very long way off! Unlikely, though ;)

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