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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

....dh wants FIL to spend xmas day with us!

38 replies

crazygal · 20/12/2011 13:09

we have had a hell of a year.....
and i want xmas day on our own!!
the 1st 3 xmasses we had together we had dh father with us and others from his family,the next 3 xmasses we spent it with my family.
we agreed weeks ago that we would have xmass on our own this year,
now dh wants FIL to be with us...grrrrrrr!!
FIL is bi-polar,and at the moment is in the depths of depression,(he saddly lost his sister this week to cancer)
when he is down like this he is hard work,he talks of killing himself etc,we have being there for him threw thick and thin....
2-3 times a week i send him over a plate of roast dinner and he calls over once a week,

our year has been hard,our son was dx with adhd,as,odd....and things are difficult,and i just cant cope with FIL aswell!! its too much,i cant pick him up on xmas day aswell as ourselfs,i want to have a happy day!
i want my son to be able to talk when he wants on this day,shout when he wants,and not to be told off for interupting ....

dh wants his dad with us.....dh has 3 other brothers that have never had him and FIL also has 2 brothers and a sister,all divorced,why cant they have him....
im feeling very bad about it as he has just lost his sister...but why us...again!
we are the only ones who bother with him anyway,and dh says no one will have him unless we do! he will be on his own :(
FIL is 65 so not very old.
what should i do?

OP posts:

FahQuenelleItsNearlyChristmas · 20/12/2011 14:31

The day will be spoilt for your DH anyway if he knows his dad is at home on his own.

You both sound like very good people by the way.

Original poster

crazygal · 20/12/2011 14:31

grograg,i know we are very lucky to have him,and completely understand were your coming from,and thats really sad that he died in such a way!!on his own,does make me sit up and think!! i wish his other children would do that same,id love to show them your post,x

OP posts:

FatGoose · 20/12/2011 14:52

i always think of it like this

imagine you were the parent alone on christmas day, just lost your sister a few days ago. and your childs partner says oh bloody hell, i dont want that old bag here again fgs!

yes , you would feel fab wouldnt you

Original poster

crazygal · 20/12/2011 14:59

yes true! i do agree....completely...but dont understand why the others dont feel the same,like i said,i wouldnt and couldnt leave him on his own,when dh comes in from work i will mention having him from 2.30 in the afternoon till evening,i wouldnt mind but the brother that i asked got divorced afew weeks ago and hes on his own,i asked if he could be with his dad?his say no bloody way!!!id sooner be on my own then with him,which is really horrible of him,now that..i cant understand!

OP posts:

noonar · 20/12/2011 15:45

I dont think that anyone who has correctly read the tone and content of the op's posts could suggest that she is at all lacking in compassion. all the comments from people who're saying 'how would you like to be alone at xmas' blah de blah... i dont think the op would for one second leave the fil alone, its simply that she wants to share the responsibility for him with other family members. totally understandable, imo.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 20/12/2011 16:49

watch out the brother might be wanting an invite for christmas day as well . I can really understand why you wouldn't want him but you know you have made the right decision to have him .

WilsonFrickett · 20/12/2011 20:27

Actually (sorry OP!) would it be easier to have the brother as well? (just for lunch) Going on the basis that it's more of a crowd, so FIL may stick out less IYSWIM?

Original poster

crazygal · 20/12/2011 20:43

thank you noonar,
and wilson thats a good point,i know i wanted us to have it on our own,but it would probably be easier if the brother came,as hes on his own to!
at least ds can say what he likes and do as he pleases,as ds is aspergers,i want to have a stress free day,or at least try! and the brother could help with fil....i am alot less stressed about having him over now,dh is pleased that he can come over for the other half of the day,we are all happy now,we get the morning with ds and fil in the afternoon till late eve,and we have the nite together again,thats not so bad,
the brother over is a good idea,im sure he will come aswell.i wont mind that as its only a small part of the day,x

OP posts:

WilsonFrickett · 21/12/2011 00:56

Bless you OP. you'll get your reward some day

sunnydelight · 21/12/2011 06:34

You've done the right thing, but I really feel for you. It's shit when some family bury their head in the sand and won't do their bit. SIL used to refuse to have MIL for Christmas, always having her family instead and leaving MIL to us. I quite enjoyed watching reality dawn when we announced we were emigrating to Oz

tigerlillyd02 · 21/12/2011 07:20

I feel for you, but you are doing the right thing. Good on you!

Original poster

crazygal · 21/12/2011 07:46

thank you everyone xxx

OP posts:

BornToBeRiled · 21/12/2011 08:12

We have this. Some of DH family refusing to help out. I just accept it now, it's easier that way. Sometimes, you just have to do the right thing, even when others don't. Hope you have a lovely time, and you will, knowing you are entering into the spirit of christmas.

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