to think Xmas is only stressful if you make it so?

[Bogeyface]

DISCLAIMER: I am talking about a normal Xmas, not if you have illness/money problems/family feuds etc which do make things difficult.

I have a large family of my own (6 kids inc baby) and a large extended family to shop for. I am hosting dinner for 12 on the day and DH will be working until the last minute on Xmas Eve so no help there (thank you new area manager )

But I am not stressed, and we do have a few money issues actually (again, thank you area manager)!

What would be the point in getting myself het up to boiling point about it when its going to happen anyway and I just need to get on with it?

There have been alot of posts recently where people have talked about getting stressed about Xmas and I genuinely dont understand it. "Got to do this and that and my stress levels are going up...." but surely getting wound up just makes the whole thing harder to do? If I went crazy about cooking the lunch then I would be more likely to forget something and more likely to make a mistake. If I got antsy about making sure everything was perfect so everyone was happy then I would be more likely to bite someones head off and cause a row! I have seen my mother running around like a headless chicken when she has been shopping and has always forgotten something important because instead of calming down, focussing and being methodical she flaps and get in a state!

I wonder if some people actually like being seen to be stressed out as it means that they are putting more effort into the perfect Xmas!

YANBU. The moment I start to feel my stress levels rising, I think of my MiL and how her frantic, put-upon, martyrs demeanour spoils everyone's good time and how I'd rather serve Mcdonald's for Christmas dinner and regift used toiletries from around the bathtub than subject everyone to the horror of a woman turning herself inside out to create the perfect Christmas.

YANBU OP - I wonder if people try to fit too much in which is why they feel stressed - I've got a lovely relaxing week with not much planned am getting the housework done at my own pace. Have done all my shopping apart from food, but I have it planned when I will go. Last year I had the flu for the whole 2 weeks the kids off and stuff still got done - Christmas dinner went out the window and we defrosted some spag bol sauce for the kids instead (DH and me too sick to eat) the kids were just as happy with that as they would have been with the full roast dinner

YANBU - I'm pretty sure DH (who is insistent on wanting to try 5 different time consuming recipes on Christmas day for dinner) is going to be stressed - I'm doing lunch and going down the tried and tested route so will be v relaxed...

YANBU!
Our Christmases are never stressful....they're about time off work, great food, chilling out and prezzies - what's not to love?!

If people want to get their knickers in a knot about what should be a lovely family day, then that's their own fault.

Chill out and enjoy!

Yes I think sometimes it's like the people at work who are supposedly always super-busy and stressed and wanting everyone to know it, because it gives them a feeling of self-importance or something. When actually they just need to calm down a bit!

I don't get stressed about Christmas, mostly because I don't do anything I don't want to do. None of it is actually compulsory!

YANBU, I work full time and will finish Friday until the New Year.
I am just looking forward to the break and spending time with DH and my boys.
I never get why people stress about the Christmas dinner, it's just a pimped up roast dinner. Mind you, I'm not cooking this year

YANBU

Some people try to do everything at Christmas and they end up making themselves and their kids miserable or on edge.

Oddly enough, you'll hear people say "Christmas is all about the children"...then they'll stress themselves out to ridiculous levels over a roast dinner that many kids wouldn't be fussed about if they never had.

YANBU, I think TBH some people like to pretend they're stressed so they get sympathy for being such a good person doing everything for everyone else~!
Christmas is supposed to fun and magical and special, let's keep it that way

I personally love cuddling up on Big Red (our sofa) and reading lovely Christmas books to DD (6) and enjoying the smell of Mince pies, and the christmas tree!
Ho ho ho x

I do mostly agree with you but there are few families / in laws / step family arrangement that don't get a bit fraught at this time of year, especially when access to the grandchildren is involved - I love christmas and all that goes with it and am totally fine with present buying, cooking etc but the thing that gives us a headache is co-ordinating the in-laws, especially the divorced ones who resent having to arrange anything with some concern / cooperation with the other! We get caught in the crossfire of what THEY want and no-one seems to give a stuff what we want. But other than that its all lovely

I'm a perfectionist too, Jajas, and also want it to be great for everyone. I'm not really serving Big Macs or wrapping up half-full bottles of Tea Tree Original Source. The trick is being hyper-organised and not letting irritations show. Which I'm sure you are brilliant at. Unlike MiL

See Jajas, I have learnt my lesson and would never invite a lot of family to stay over Christmas. Never again.
Once had my Dad's family up. They didn't leave until 29th December.
I just have my Mother up for a few days.

And I am so not a perfectionist. Takes the pressure off.

It depends on the work load - for the last 15 years I have had family / friends staying with us from the 22nd / 23rd to after New year - partially our choice but people came to expect us to host it all - and it is a lot of hard work getting food in for the number of people over an extended time period. I seemed to spend 10 days going from preping, to cooking, to serving, to clearing up to preping again.

Came to a head last year when my brother turned up without even a bottle of wine to say 'thanks'. Then huge family argument over something that it was probably best not to discuss over dinner.

So this year we have put our feet firmly down - we are not doing Christmas for everyone - we will visit my parents on Christmas Day and have a quiet time to ourselves. Only issue on horizon is that DSS and girlfriend have asked to come and stay with us if they can get time of work - and have yet to confirm (only for 1 night but would be nice to know!!).

So this year I am unstressed - but I have not got the workload I usually have............

YANBU - I've learnt this year (at last!) that Christmas is as stressful as you make it!

I'm preg with dc4 (plus dsd) and due on Thursday, we're a bit tight financially knowing that SMP will kick in in Jan and dh is self employed and work is a bit patchy at the moment. So we've cut back! Less shopping to do is great, and I don't think I've paid full for anything except vouchers for ds1 and ds2 (they're adults so get them something they can use with their oh's).

I'm taking full advantage of either being overdue or having a tiny newborn and we haven't made any firm plans at all. It'll be just me, dh and dd (5) for Christmas Day and dh is cooking as his roast is far better than mine .

All the baby stuff is ready and presents are almost wrapped...... it's been a very calm build up to Christmas this year, and I'm really looking forward to it!

I think it also helps to recognise that one's perfectionism is generally only actually appreciated by oneself. I'm still trying to come to terms with that

Oh jajas, I'm sorry, I was insensitive.
My parents are twice divorced abnd Christmas growing up was always so complicated and stressful going from house to house (even one year my Brother and I eating two Christmas dinners so we didn't offend either parent) that I now make a conscious effort to have laidback Christmases.
My Mother always comes up as she's alone, and we have ILs here every other year as well, but I rope DH in. Plus, as I mentioned, I am no perfectionist and have low standards. As long as the children enjoy it, there is good food and good wine, life's good.

but Jajas who is to say what is "perfect"? Why not stop worrying about it being perfect and just do your best - above all, enjoy it!

YANBU at all, OP. I'm having four people to stay for Christmas and there'll be ten people for Christmas dinner. People keeping asking me if I'm stressed, and while yes, there is a lot to do, I'm not really stressed at all. They're family, which means that they can sort themselves out for cups of tea/drinks and if there's something missing I'll just pack them off to the shop. They'll all help out with Christmas dinner but I'd imagine DH will do most of it and DS will be mightily entertained with all the people wanting to play with him. I'm not responsible for everyone having a good time - I'll provide food (which they can help themselves to) a TV, beds and a cute baby and that's it, they can look after themselves after that. If everything goes wrong and Christmas dinner ends up in the bin, who cares? We'll have fish finger sandwiches and stuff ourselves with cake.

Im taking the laid back approach this year.

In the past I set myself utterly unachievable targets, well not totally unachievable but not doable without stressing myself out.

A few years back my mum said to me 'none of this really matters you know' and she was right, although I have to say it was her high standards that influenced me!

As long as the presents are ready, food is sorted and the house is reasonably tidy I am ok.

Its certainly much easier since its just the kids and me, not that my EX was that fussed but when he lived with us I tended to feel the need to do it all to a certain timescale, now dinner is served 'when its ready'

On the day I find that a liquid brunch helps smooth things out somewhat.

YANBU
What is the point in having a stressful Christmas? If it's stressing you out then do it differently.

YANBU. I am feeling very unstressed about Christmas, we haven't yet done a list of food/meals to eat or gone food shopping, but I have presents for the dc and for any friends or family we feel we have to get presents for, and sometime between now and Christmas day we'll think about the food. we will probably organise to see friends and go out to places too but we haven't done that yet.
We rather like going with the flow.

Disclaimer though, my parents just visited for the last couple of days, because we find it too stressful to see them at Christmas itself, so I can quite understand the relative-stress aspect of Christmas for many. i was a gibbering wreck on Fri at the thought of my parents visiting for 2 days, and so it was good to get that over with.