...to be really annoyed with ex-MIL with presents

[saladsandwich]

ex-MIL will spend absolutely loads of money on ds yet again for christmas (more than i do) but all the presents stay at her house. he already has last years and the year before thats christmas presents so she isn't lacking in toys there, she will spend more than i have.

i'm also really really annoyed with her for holding money back the ex had given to ds for his christmas/birthday (ds's dad is away), he gave £90, £45 for a christmas present and the other £30 for a coat because he really needs one and £15 for a toy on his birthday, i found the perfect toy for ds, show it MIL she goes to town decides it's crap and buys him a £30 present for his birthday and tells me after.

she knows we aren't good for cash at the moment, its been ds's birthday, christmas and i'm moving house if i'd have known she was going to do this i'd have put some money to one side to get ds a new winter coat but now i'm going to have to borrow one.

i gave her a copy of ds's nursery photo but because there was some other images she wants copies of them all so i can't hand the others out as presents now.

sorry for the long winded post but shes really annoyed me lately AIBU?

I'm wondering where DS's dad is - is he in prison - it's just that people tend to say "he is away" when they are in custody. And can it be that he can't be trusted to care for your son without supervision. Sorry if I'm on the wrong track. But doesn't sound like he would have that much money if he were in prison. Anyway regardless of where he is why can't he send the money directly to you?

My kids have never really had thick coats even in Scotland, apart from the all in one snow suits they had as babies. We tend to go for layering. Long sleeved t shirt then thick fleece or two then waterproof top layer that rarely gets washed to maintain waterproofness. Helly hansen type thermal vests underneath when really cold. They have had thick skiing jackets since being older, but son is now a boarder and they are more into lots of layers than bulky stuff. I've never washed coats alot and am surprised they are getting that grubby, maybe stains just don't stick to waterproof jackets as much.

She's his gran regardless of whether or not you are still in a relationship with her son. I'd not dream of making her pay for the photos, give the rest as a gift from your son for xmas if you have spares.

If she chooses to keep her gifts at her house then theres not much you can do. Perhaps she thinks its easier to have some there rather than having to bring playthings when you visit or when she babysits as you said she does.

Im on the fence re the coat money, if its maintainance then set it up to come to you direct, if its money he left with his mum in case his son needed anything then perhaps she thinks two coats is plenty. I'd be speaking to nursery if they were coming home so dirty that they need washing every couple of days.

Its quite sad to see numerous replies stating shes the ex-mil so doesnt need to be treated well or to cut contact as your father suggests. She will always be your sons grandmother whether you like it or not.

He should be leaving the money with you, the mother, not his MIL . I would be having a talk with him tbh.

ds's dad isn't in prison or broken the law, i can't say too much or it could reveal who i am but where he is he cannot just come to us at the moment he can't leave where he is. he is trying to sort him self out so when he went he left the money with his mum, £45 for a christmas present which we both agreed on then £45 for his birthday, it was agreed with him to get ds clothes including a winter coat with his birthday money he even told me the shop.

well ds has money for a winter coat :)... my dad as kindly offered to get him one, i'm going to give him the money back though as soon as christmas is over because i feel terrible on my dad.

i wasn't trying to make her pay for photos, i'm giving her a big 10x7 photo of ds but because she wants copies done of every single image i can't give other people their copies if that makes sense, i dont want to cut contact with her but its difficult, she does babysit but only for the odd 30mins, hour maybe and that is if i beg her to take him i only do it if i'm desperate. i dont expect her to have my ds but if i ask her if she'll mind ds while i say go for interviews/appointments she wont give me a straight answer so i'm left waiting till the day not knowing if she'll watch him or not. it's easier now to not ask her and just try arrange anything i need to do while ds is in nursery.

i've rambled on enough about her now though lol god i needed to get that out though