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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be depressed over a birthday that was actually perfectly nice?

12 replies

flyingspaghettimonster · 19/12/2011 20:48

This is pathetic and please no hugs, huns and brackets - I am not after that. I am 31 and it shouldn't bother me - I never have high expectations for birthday or Christmas as they are so close together and we are always broke by the time it arrives. Usually because I spend every penny on the kids and DH, leaving nothing for DH to use on my gifts. Every year though I hope he might have secretly snuck some money aside to buy something, or bothered thinking about it a bit earlier, like I do for him.

This year I did leave money aside for him to use for our usual birthday meal, movie and gifts. Only he didn't keep track of it, and used it on different bills, prescription meds and dentists. So come the day before my birthday and we realise there won't be a meal out with friends, or Robert Downey Jr fix, or a gift. Not really his fault, but annoying.

I shouldn't care. I had a great day - I went out with a girlfriend who spoiled me with a meal out, British comedy at her house and even some cake, bubbly and a pressie. She made it a lovely day.

But my DH not even bothering to get a card really just fouled it up for me. He helped the kids make cards, but he used to hand paint me ones from himself before we had kids. He knows a simple card from the shop with a nice personal message like 'sorry your birthday sucked, we'll celebrate when we get paid - love you' would have cheered me up. He said he would clean up all day while I was gone, but the house is still a shitehole (I am not a domestic goddess so we run on the 'big clean up before holidays and high days' approach to housework) and my daughter's card said:-

'roses ar red and vilets ar blue, hony sweet but not as sweet as you. You hate eing green but you ar too meen so I love you more than enything'

Apparently it was meant to say AREN'T TOO MEAN (the green thing must refer to the fact I always tease her about not wanting to recycle), but I am sat here crying about the mean comment even KNOWING she meant not mean... even though I think it is funny it is making me tearful. And I feel angry at myself for being weepy today and not just being fecking grateful that somebody bothered to make the day special. And I am mad that I care, and mad that I probably upset my husband by crying as it isn't totally his fault he failed yet again to make it a special day...

Sorry that was so long. IABU. I know I am. Maybe I am PMSing or something. I just wish he realised that it makes me sad when I put so much effort into his birthday every year (this year it was a surprise party with friends from different states coming along, specially designed cake and cupcakes and gaming, pressies etc) and he always moans that he won't be able to do the same for me, but he fecking could if like I do, he planned it before the day of the freaking event.
Rant over.

OP posts:
ConnorCamden · 19/12/2011 21:00

YANBU

Happy Birthday

corlan · 19/12/2011 21:04

Happy Birthday Wine 31 eh? You don't look a day over 30 Xmas Smile

Secrecy · 19/12/2011 21:07

Awwww... YANBU. Happy birthday! Thanks

BCBG · 19/12/2011 21:08

Hey, sweetheart, YANBU, because you want it to be a big deal for him, and its not - but IME that's quite a lot -all- men Grin. I really suggest you do the same when its his birthday, even though you will find it tough, just to see if it has an effect!

BCBG · 19/12/2011 21:08

Pah! all-

whackamole · 19/12/2011 21:09

YANBU. Proximity to Christmas is not a reason for the person who you share your life with to forget and not get you anything. I mean, not even a card?

Earmark some of next month's wages for yourself, buy yourself something you really want not need and have a nice glass of wine.

MerylStrop · 19/12/2011 21:18

yanbu
i'd be pissed off too.

i would tell him, clearly, another day, when you neither have pms or are not too emotional about it, that his lack of effort hurt your feelings.

sertraline50mg · 19/12/2011 21:24

I blame PMT and I know what you mean because it was my bday last week (30th) I wanted a fuss I planned lots of things, put money into DH's account, I dont like having my birthday so close to xmas either, everyone is always skint and I always feel guilty for spending money on my birthday as well...

(So heres where I'm going to sound like such a spoilt cow) I had a party on the friday (dh took half a day off work to prepare for it) I went and had my nails done while he sorted the house and food, on the saturday we went shopping and I got new boots, in the evening we went to the casino with a few close friends with my best friends staying over at mine, a family meal on the sunday where my mum announced they had a suprise planned for the monday (turned out to be a wonderful spa day)............

I was my birthday on the Tuesday and I spent it crying mostly! Why??

PMT! Very severe PMT which the doctor has now put me on anti depressants for! I was snappy on the fri and sat without even realising, cried on the sunday for what seemed like no reason, I was so anxious and on edge about my suprise (have OCD issues) for monday I rowed with DH and spent the day upset because he was so fed up with me that he had said he couldn't wait to have a few hours away from me as I'd been mardy for days......I came home from the spa and didnt speak to DH Blush he woke me at 2am to talk so we could make things right for my birthday but we ended up arguing til 5am Sad I put on a smile when dd's woke me to give me presents then lay in bed crying until 2pm Blush We have made up now and it's all fine but PMT is such a bitch!

So I think it goes to show it's not because your birthday is near xmas, it's not just because your DH didn't put more thought in (though he bloody well should have imo but I am a bit mad about bdays!) it's mainly because of your PMT, tomorrow you will wake up and realise it's just another day and it's not so bad and that PMT is a PITA!

troisgarcons · 19/12/2011 21:25

Angel - you're are still with him? he's a muppet and you know it. WTF you bother I don't know x

Secrecy · 19/12/2011 21:27

Sorry - just realised flowers and aaahs were sort of exactly what you said you didn't want!! In which case, MerylStop is making good sense, plus a bit of see-how-he-likes it a la BCBG.

flyingspaghettimonster · 19/12/2011 21:31

lol troisgarcons I knew I knew you from FHG but still not positive you are who I think you are.

I just ate something and feel a lot better. He is an insensitive muppet and I am a grumpy mare. I just remembered I have some secret wispas hidden upstairs from the last trip back to Blighty... mmm

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 19/12/2011 21:35

Always loved you Angel x x

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