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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm grumpy and it's my neighbours fault but AIBU?

50 replies

CheeseAndBunion · 19/12/2011 16:53

Right... Mumsnet jury please decide whether my grumpiness is reasonable or not - I'm in a bit of a huff.

My neighbour two doors down has a lodger. I think she might be a mature student but I'm not 100% sure. I don't know my neighbour very well but he seems nice enough, I don't know his lodger either but she seems nice enough too. Over the summer the postman tried to deliver a parcel to her but she was out. He knocked on my door and asked if I would sign for it instead which I did and that evening she came by to collect it. 'Thank you very much' she said, 'No problem' I said and that was it, she went on her way and we've had no contact since.

Last week three delivery men knocked with parcels for her from Amazon and the like. I've signed again and my DH has dropped them round to my neighbour later (she's not been there). I thought it was just chance that meant I was the only person in when the deliveries arrived but after another 2 deliveries this weekend and one today I've discovered it's because on all her delivery instructions she's written 'If no reply at lodger's house please leave at cheeseandbunion's.' Now, I've got the hump slightly about this because a) she's not mentioned it to me or asked if that's ok, b) she's not popped over to say thanks for the 5 packages we've already dropped round to her and c) I'm currently in a full cast to my knee after a foot op so hobbling to the door for her gubbins is getting right on my tits.

Am I just being a miserable Victor Meldrew of a neighbour though - or is she in fact a cheeky mare?

Thoughts please!

OP posts:

littlemisssarcastic · 19/12/2011 17:31

I refuse to take any parcels for my neighbour. Have had nothing but problems from her this last year which there is another thread about somewhere so when delivery man turns up and asks if I'll take the parcel for my neighbour, I say No.

Gets me a few funny looks and rolled eyes from delivery drivers but hey ho.

Original poster

CheeseAndBunion · 19/12/2011 17:37

Thanks all. Seems like general consensus is that I'm not unreasonable to have the nark so I shall wallow in my huffiness for a while longer. I might wait for her to collect them and then ask how many more she is expecting? BluddyMoFo I get your point, normally I take in anything for neighbours and it would never cross my mind to be arsey about it. I guess it's just the sheer volume and the fact that she has neither mentioned it to me or just said a passing thank you in return. There have now been 7 parcels of various sizes for her (one more has arrived since this thread began) in less than a week all of which she has specifically asked to be left with me. I have taken in furniture for neighbours before and would never hesitate to sign for something if the postman knocked when unable to deliver (that's how I came to take in the first item for her this summer). For some reason though, maybe the blatantness of it, this feels a bit different and has got my back up slightly.

OP posts:

goingtoofast · 19/12/2011 17:38

SHe really should ask you and not assume you will do it. I don't mind doing it for my neighbours especially if it's occasional but I know them pretty well.

I would be tempted to take in any more parcels that arrive but not tell her. The woman knows she has listed you as an alternative adress so she knows where to find them. Then leave her at the door for ages while you hobble very slowly to another room to fetch them - then complain about how difficult it is for you to move around!!!
I would however probably just refuse, she will eventually get the message!

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/12/2011 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristinedePizaTinsel · 19/12/2011 17:40

YANBU - I wouldn't dream of treating a neighbour like a depot unless I'd asked them first. If she's out at work all the time, why doesn't she get them delivered to work?

redwineformethanks · 19/12/2011 17:41

Would be a shame to refuse to help her at all, as some people are suggesting. That seems like cutting your nose to spite your face. Might be helpful for you to stay on good terms with her.

suburbandream · 19/12/2011 17:45

well, I think you are being very kind to accept the parcels, but I wouldn't be hobbling round with them! Hold on to them until she comes to get them, then sweetly tell her not to do it again because you aren't meant to move your leg much so you won't be opening the door to delivery men!!

ratspeakeratsolstice · 19/12/2011 17:47

Ah but redwine they aren't on "good terms" are they. Good terms implies respect which the neighbour is lacking in totally. Not only has the neighbour not asked if the OP was Ok for her address to be used she has not even thanked her

I take in parcels and deliveries for neighbours and they for me but I would never just assume they would agree to me giving out their details willy nilly
And we always thank each other, thats just good manners

ratspeakeratsolstice · 19/12/2011 17:49

Oh YANBU OP

and dont get your DH to drop them off, let her come for them

clam · 19/12/2011 18:21

YANBU. I have a good relationship with my neighbours and we do this and more for each other. Next Door One Side lends the ladder and I put up 2 or 3 houses's Xmas lights. I stored some furniture in someone else's garage recently, they help themselves to the holly from my tree. Mrs Next Door The Other Side mows my front lawn as she's "out there anyway." She repotted my rhododendron for me as it was looking poorly and brings Hallowe'en sweets round for the kids, even now they're way too old. That's why I love living round here. Even the grumpy old sod two doors round will take in parcels.

But no one likes being taken advantage of. And this woman is just being plain rude. Don't take the current parcel round. And if she comes to collect, ask her if it's right that she's listed you as a recipient, as you would have appreciated a discussion about that.

lljkk · 19/12/2011 18:23

mmm... maybe she's stressed out & was making the orders in a hurry, or doesn't have very good life skills. If you don't like it then just ask her not to include that instruction in future.

cecinestpasunepipe · 19/12/2011 18:45

Some years ago DH took in a parcel for a neighbour who we didn't really know (we lived in an area of short-term lets with high turnover of neighbours). About 10 minutes later there came a knock at the door- a young man saying we had had a parcel delivered to our address, and could he have it. DH handed the parcel over, and the young man thanked him and left. About two hours after that, there was another knock at the door, and the real neighbour holding the delivery card, asked for her parcel. Of course we had to explain that we had already given it away!! She was very understanding, but I wonder if we would have been liable? Any legal eagles out there? We are very wary about taking in parcels for other people now.

GooKingWenceslas · 19/12/2011 20:10

YANBU

Stop taking them to her though!

HolyCalamityJane · 19/12/2011 20:18

Just pop round with the parcel and say to her with big smile " Can you believe those cheeky gits at Amazon have just added my address onto your delivery instructions what a bloody liberty!!!! Can you please ensure it is removed for me and if I was you I would complain I mean they made it look like you had just added me without asking my permission!! I'm afraid it is not convenient for me thank-you Happy Christmas

redwineformethanks · 19/12/2011 21:17

But ratspeakeratsolstice I don't think OP is saying she doesn't like this woman at all, she's just saying she feels that she's taken a bit of a liberty (which we're all agreed)

That's why I think it would be a shame to let this become too big an issue

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 19/12/2011 21:21

I would wait for her to come and collect them and at that point I would ask why she added your name and address to the delivery options without asking.

herbietea · 19/12/2011 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CocktailQueen · 19/12/2011 22:09

She's a cheeky mare! Agree - suggest the delivery driver puts a note thru her doo so she has to come to you to get her pressie. You could also say that it's not convenient and she shuold have asked you first.

festi · 19/12/2011 22:14

I bet she has not put you down at all. I had a delivery note today saying my parcel has been left with "safe appointed address" or something along those lines, my next door neighbour, I ahve never ever declaired to anyone they are my safe appointed address. I get alot of deliveries from amazon as Im a student and buy my books from them mostly. sometimes they are left with my neighbour. I suspect amazon have put you down or the postoffice themselfs.

festi · 19/12/2011 22:17

if it is not convenient for you I would just say no to delivery driver. I did a few days ago for a neigbours parcel as I was going out untill late and then up and out again in the morning. I wouldnt mind taking in parcels but if they are not getting picked up, I would then just decline.

Original poster

CheeseAndBunion · 19/12/2011 22:46

Thanks for all the replies. I know the two deliveries today both put cards through her door so I'll sit tight till she comes round to collect - DH out tonight so couldn't have dropped them over anyway. I will ask how many more there are likely to be and see what she says. I don't want to fall out with anyone so I'll be as polite as possible whilst trying to drop the hint that I'd rather not be her personal sorting office from now on.

Festi, sadly I don't think this is of Amazon's doing as the deliveries have been from several companies and all say the same thing. There's also an awful lot of exclamation marks used on the delivery notes in a 'If not in don't take this parcel away just leave it at CheeseandBunion's!!!!!!!' kind of way so my Miss Marple instinct is telling me the instructions are her's.

My huffiness has now died down slightly thanks mainly to me eating half a Yule log whilst watching the 'King of Christmas Lights'. I wouldn't mind it if all the parcels were from Thorntons - then I could just sign the slips Bart Simpson scoff the lot and deny they ever arrived.

OP posts:

festi · 19/12/2011 23:07

cheese. just say NO do one next time they knock.

your name has slightly cheesed me off as I just went to raid my christmas cheese and discovered I have no biscuits untill asda delivery thursday and I dont even have any bread...Grrrrr. should I cook the croissants for tomorrows breakfast?? no that would be wrong!!!

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 20/12/2011 07:43

I have no problem taking in parcels ad hoc as it were. I would be pissed off if someone put me down as the alternate address without asking though.

DuchessofMalfi · 20/12/2011 08:57

We don't take parcels in for our next door neighbours on one side because of all the trouble they have caused for us (evil bastards). We used to take stuff in for the neighbours on the other side - they were nice, but they've since moved out, and no-one else has moved in yet.

silverten · 20/12/2011 09:43

The simple thing to do is to hang onto all the parcels for a good long while. Say til Christmas Eve.

Either: she will want her stuff, in which case she can damn well come and get it, allowing you to struggle theatrically with your cast whilst explaining that is why you haven't dropped them over yourself

Or: your DH can drop them round at about 9.30pm, explaining that he's only just had the chance to do so what with being so busy in Christmas week.

Minimum fuss for you, maximum opportunity for her to say thank you for being such a nice neighbour. And you aren't being an arse by refusing a parcel.

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