to expect people to realize that if I am having something as serious as a hysterectomy then its not something I can just "change my mind about"

[BumptiousandBustly]

I am in my mid thirties and was due to have my womb, cervix and both ovaries out on Friday.

a lot of people send me good luck texts, so when the sodding operation was canceled - after waiting for six hours in the ward, because they ran out of time - I texted those people to let them know it was all off.

What I am so cross about is the text I received from a friend saying - "Maybe its, dare it say it, a change to change your mind!"

I am so Sodding angry about that - yes I haven't given her the full information - no she doesn't know that the reason for the op is a hormone imbalance so severe I would probably have killed myself if they hadn't resolved it. But how can anyone assume that you are having this kind of operation as a "choice" and that its something you can "change your mind about!"

Sorry to hear you're going through this OP. However, the key bit is in your last paragraph "yes I haven't given her the full information". Yes, she was probably wrong to speculate about the reasons and put forward her opinion, but she probably doesn't understand the seriousness of the situation. If she's a good friend, why not just talk to her and explain.

People are often idiots. People often can't understand why anyone would do anything different from what they woud do. Or even comprehend that other people may be in a situation they can't begin to understand. Deep breath, and I hope they rearrange it soon and to a convenient date for you!

I'd reply along the lines of "Sadly given my personal medical history it needs doing, so no it's not a chance to change my mind".

I am sure if she had known the full reasons why, she wouldn't have said that to you.
It is often an elective surgery, and people can change their mind about it. I had one, I would not have died had I not, it wasn't cancer, however it did improve my quality of life hugely. But I could have changed my mind.
It was a dumb comment for her to make, but I wouldn't loose any sleep over it. Not worth it.
Good luck, I hope when you do have your surgery that it resolves your difficulties, and you have a full and speedy recovery.

Yanbu.

They wouldn't have said it about another organ that was causing you problems!

MardyBra - she is not that good a friend, and someone who I really don't want to have to explain to how bad I really felt. but AIRBU to expect someone to assume that i am having that serious an operation for good cause?

Amuminscotland - that was very well put - I think its just that this has put me and my family through so much stress - and for someone to assume it was a "choice" and something I can just choose not to do, really upsets me.

I know that other people have asked things like "have you really considered the alternatives" - which again assumes firstly that there are many (or indeed any) alternatives, and two that I haven't really thought about this! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

It's because you're a WOMAN and have a brain full of kittens and knitting. So obviously just rushed into a major operation without really thinking about it. [heavy sarcasm emoticon]

iscream - I am on treatment that replicates the hysterectomy at the moment (but is only short term - hence why I have to have the op) and it has transformed my life! I seriously don't think that my marriage would have survived, god knows what my kids childhoods would have been like and I am really not sure for how long I would have made it if i wasn't having this treatment.

anothermincepie - the thing is I have said to her - I have to have this operation - so she is assuming that I don't know what I am talking about - or something - I just don't get how she can go from "I have to have this operation" to - "dare I say it, a chance to change your mind!" - this assumes that she knows better than me about MY hysterectomy - plus the "dare I say it" says that she KNOWS its a crap thing to say, but says it anyway!

nethunsreject - you know thats absolutely true - then it would be assumed to be a proper medical problem - but a hormone imbalance can't possibly be proper or serious!

Mardy - thats IT - thankgod I have other people to tell me not to do it (as opposed to consultants and experts!)

Sorry to hear about your health problems Bumptious, - I hope you get a new operation date asap, and it all goes well.

IIWU, I would text my 'friend' straight back and explain the situation. Firmly. Her comment was patronising in the extreme, and she deserves to get pulled up on it.

Do it now, and then tell us what she replies

YANBU. I would never assume a hysterectomy was being done on a whim which is what this woman seems to have assumed!

Hope you get a new date soon Bumptious, good luck. And make sure you have someone round for at least a week after to make all your cups of tea x

iscream - hysterectomy is no longer an "elective" procedure. Almost all gynaecologists follow NHS protocols for both their NHS and private patients and the protocol now is to avoid hysterectomy at all costs. The aim is to get UK hysterectomy levels down to Scandinavian levels - i.e. only used in life-threatening situations such as cancer, haemorrhage etc.
There are so many alternatives now for problems that would in the past have been treated with hysterectomy and almost all of them are cheaper and have better outcomes long-term.

YANBU. The person who texted you is a [insert expletive] of the very highest order. Do you have a particularly ferocious relative or friend to set her straight?

Bumptious - yes. she was tactless, but she's not a mind-reader. "If in doubt, say nowt" is my motto, but it reflects on her, not you

Really sorry it has been cancelled. That must be horrible.

People can be very insensitive. Put her straight on the matter.

Carabos - exactly - it has taken nearly a year to get to this point, from when they realized it might be a gyne problem to where I have seen the various specialists - it has been signed off by a psychiatrist, the gyne and the expert at the big London hospital - all that before they would even put me on the waiting list.

Unfortunately there is no ferocious relative to put her straight - wish there was - and I agree that it reflects on her - its a sodding stupid thing to say - but it just really wound me up. I think especially because I now have another date in about three weeks time, and have to go through the whole thing again!

I've had a hysterectomy, and now life is brilliant. I went privately and found that the consultants drop their guard and don't toe the party line.....I was told by two consultants separately that the 'better outcomes long term' of other treatments is bollocks because they are relatively new treatments whose effects cannot possibly have been tested really long term. Most of them might work or might work only for a certain time, or have side effects. The alternatives are all to do with being cheaper.

OP I hope you get a new date soon.