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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have not bought teacher a present and sent cards to classmates?

14 replies

FunkyChicken · 19/12/2011 02:37

DS is 4. Had one term at school. Didn't enter my head that we should buy his class teacher a gift or send Christmas cards to other kids - they can't even write yet! Yet we saw others taking in teacher presents and he came home with a whole bunch of cards from kids in class (most obviously written by parents).Seems a bit odd to me but he's our first at school so we're new to all this, whats the norm?

OP posts:

Wongamum · 19/12/2011 02:48

I never have. And my DD's got educated just the same.

tigerlillyd02 · 19/12/2011 02:51

If your DS wasn't bothered about writing them I don't think it's a problem. I also personally don't think the gift to teacher is neccessary either, although some do. It's entirely up to you and I think these things should always be kept optional rather than an added pressure.

I thought the majority could manage to write a Christmas card. My neice managed to do about 25 children without much help other than asking what letters come next in a few of the names (Niamph totally threw her but Jessica was unaided) and managed just fine (she started in Sept). All that she received had obviously been done by the kids too. If they can't do their letters yet then it's very good practice and time spent together learning if nothing else although I probably wouldn't make them do it if they weren't interested.

Mind you, in saying that I don't think my younger brother (now 12) could have managed to write a card until he was about 7. He wasn't interested in learning at all and I doubt he sent many cards at all in primary school.

Original poster

FunkyChicken · 19/12/2011 03:15

Thanks folks. Tiger was your neice just 4? Now I'm worried DS is at a substandard school cos they can't all write after their first term! Time for some sleep for me or I won't be able to write my own name at work in morning.

OP posts:

tigerlillyd02 · 19/12/2011 03:23

Sorry Funky, perhaps it was just me assuming! My DS has just turned 2 so don't have any personal experience of what children are like at 4! I was there when my DN did her cards so made the assumption they all could, perhaps wrongly. Her sister is 18 months older and I really don't know whether or not she could after the first term but remember my DB not being able to for quite some time. Perhaps most can't and their parents told them which letters to write in their cards or they copied from another piece of paper or something. I honestly don't know. She did attend the nursery at the school for nearly 2 years before she actually started which perhaps helped? Did your DS attend nursery too?

Have you had a parents evening yet? I'm sure if there are any concerns the teacher would highlight it. I'm convinced now though it was probably just me assuming rather than being a general "most children can". I'm sorry!!

sunnydelight · 19/12/2011 05:29

There will be a huge variety of abilities in a reception class so I really wouldn't worry about the writing thing. We have never done the Christmas cards for the class thing - none of my kids ever wanted to do it. I have noticed this year that there are a lot less cards being handed out (DD is in Y2 now) than there were in kindy (reception) so I think the enthusiasm has worn off!!!

I do generally give end of year gifts to teachers (which just happen to coincide with Christmas now we're in Australia). I think when we were in the UK the kids used to make cards for teachers and leave it at that.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 19/12/2011 07:30

My DD could only write the first letter of her name - so she did that and I wrote the rest of it - but she WANTED to do the cards - don't worry if your LO isn't bothered

2BoysTooLoud · 19/12/2011 07:38

Writing a load of cards at age 4 tough- don't worry about that!
As for presents to the teacher- this seems to provoke strong feelings in some on mumsnet. I don't do presents as feels odd. However, on last day of term when the teacher was laden with presents I did feel a bit Scrooge like with my breezy 'Happy Christmas'!

pinkyp · 19/12/2011 07:42

My ds (4) wrote his name (attempted) in all his cards and took them to school, he enjoyed opening his. I got his teacher a gift but he's had her for 18 months now. After 1 term I made a Christmas cake for them. You don't have to buy gifts. I dont buy end of year gifts, but I know some who do

RedHelenB · 19/12/2011 07:43

My ds in reception loved opening all his cards & was happy to sit & write them which surprised me!!! But some were written by parents. Don't think you need be worried though, do what you want.

stinkingbishop · 19/12/2011 07:44

My DP is 41 and still hasn't done his cards and usually when he does they're utterly illegible ;)

Echo what people above say: two different issues. I think it's nice for you to get something (small) for the teacher; cards for the kids from your DD can come when she's willing and able.

CalmaLlamaDown · 19/12/2011 07:47

YANBU, your choice.

However its not odd if other parents want to either. We gave some wine to class teacher and TA as they have be so kind and supportive to out shy 4 yo. They also had ofsted in Nov, the report was outstanding so they had a tough term

staylucky · 19/12/2011 07:55

DD is year 3, year R I wrote all her Christmas cards, since year 1 she's done them herself. Sometimes school will provide a registration list, sometimes not. This year I think she managed to remember everyone. I've always said if we send them we send them to all classmates but do know others just send a few or none at all.
Tbh if it weren't for the cards DD brings home from school we'd prob have about 4 up on our walls!
Have never bought teachers presents.

mrsscoob · 19/12/2011 07:58

We bought a present, (rec) it never would have occured to me not too, we also got one for the teaching assistant and my son wanted to give the dinner lady a present too (lunches are his favourite part of school )so we got her a box of roses to share with the other dinner ladies.

We also sent cards, I think all the kids did, there was a post box by the office and you'd see the kids running up and down there in the morning, it was fun more than anything, I think he got roughly the same amount back as he sent, although obviously I have counted so I think it was pretty much the norm in our school and judging by the amount of presents under the tree for the teachers I think pretty much everyone else did the same as us

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 19/12/2011 08:00

dd1 (4) has done cards - her choice, she's a bit obsessed by the novelty of writing at the moment. the ones for the teacher and TA are homemade.

we've not done presents though, as we're a bit skint and cutting down on present giving in all its forms. i would have chipped in a quid or so if someone had done a collection for the teacher and TA though, so perhaps i need to moot this for next year.

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