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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If your name's not on the list, you aint coming in

21 replies

lililolo · 18/12/2011 21:31

WIBU to refuse entry to the two children whose mothers haven't bothered replying to my daughter's party invite?

Obviously, I am not going to turn them away should they show up, but I am annoyed. Help me think of some pithy remarks to let the mothers know how annoying it is. FGS, I have pass the parcel layers to think of and everything ;) ;)

The were reminded last week btw.

OP posts:

MenopausalHaze · 18/12/2011 21:33

Get bouncers. Don't let them in. Set the dogs on them. That'll learn 'em!

missorinoco · 18/12/2011 21:33

"How nice to see you. I wasn't expecting you to come."

roastparsnipsandbrusselsprouts · 18/12/2011 21:34

YANBU, especially if they were reminded and therefore definitely know about it.

My dsil hosted a party last week and spent a fortune on extra food and party bags for dcs who didn't reply and didn't turn up.

It seems to happen every single time.

Very rude IMHO unless there is some sort of problem at home which means they can't commit or their minds are totally elsewhere.

Fuzzled · 18/12/2011 21:40

One of my friends did a brilliant thing on her DSD's party invites...
Can't remember her polite wording but it basically said "I know you have busy lives and time slips away, so to save you some effort, if we don't hear by xxx date, we will assume that your DC isn't coming and thus no provision will be made for them"

She actually had a full compliment of replies...

rogersmellyonthetelly · 18/12/2011 21:47

I'm with the "hello x, how lovely that to could come, we weren't expecting you at all" this is normally met with blushes and mumbled apologies about lost invitations/couldn't remember mobile number etc.

FlightRisk · 18/12/2011 21:48

Make a sarky comment like "ooh I thought you wasn't coming I hope I have enough food for you" then glare at the mothers

sunnydelight · 18/12/2011 21:55

I like your friend's style Fuzzled! Let's face it, you don't even have to pick up the phone to reply nowadays, how hard is it to text "X will be coming to Y's party, thanks".

Original poster

lililolo · 18/12/2011 21:58

Frazzled. That is an excellent idea! I will definitely find a way of saying that from now on.

I don't know why it makes me feel so livid. It's just so fecking rude. I don't think this happens with adult parties does it?

I think I'm going to 'Oh, DD will be SO PLEASED YOU could make it, she was so disappointed when I said I wasn't sure if you were coming'

OP posts:

soandsosmummy · 18/12/2011 22:01

YANBU I had SIX people who didn't even respond turn up to DD's party. Luckily it was at home and not a pay per head event and I'd made extra party bags as I like to have a few to hand out to siblings at pickup time, i only just had enough though

ImperialBlether · 18/12/2011 22:03

No, OP, it should be:

'Oh, DD will be SO PLEASED YOU could make it, she was so disappointed when I said you mustn't be coming as you hadn't sent a message confirming it.'

Original poster

lililolo · 18/12/2011 22:22

ImperialBlether - that is right! Spot on.

Soandsomummy - 6 is really bad, did you bit your tongue? The thing that annoys me about this is that I have only invited 7, and it's not a birthday party it's a little Christmas get together. I thought I was doing something nice for the children (and the mums who get the morning off during the holidays ;))

I am going to FORCE myself to mention it after the hols if they don't turn up 'oh, was everything OK, it was such a shame your daughter couldn't make it to the party'.

OP posts:

AnotherMincepie · 18/12/2011 22:52

How about "I was annoyed that you didn't reply to our invitation"? :o

pithy remarks to let the mothers know how annoying it is

ChaoticAngel · 18/12/2011 22:56

From previous threads on here this seems to be quite common. There was a post on one such thread were the poster said that someone they knew put the date/time of party but not the location on the invite. Instead they said that the location would be given when the people RSVP'd yes.

Original poster

lililolo · 18/12/2011 22:59

Maybe I should just rough them up a bit at the school gate. That would ruffle a few feathers. Excellent idea re the location. I will remember that!

OP posts:

MrsPennySworth · 18/12/2011 23:03

I like anothermincepies suggestion

Original poster

lililolo · 18/12/2011 23:07

I'd probably do that ifI'd had enough mulled wine

OP posts:

missorinoco · 18/12/2011 23:35

If you rough them up before said party for not replying you could save on party bags.

Original poster

lililolo · 19/12/2011 00:00

practices menacing face

OP posts:

auntmargaret · 19/12/2011 09:18

I work on the assumption that if I haven't heard to the contrary, then the kid is coming- works well. And it's not the child's fault if the parent hasn't replied so seems a bit unfair to make a sarky comment to them. Yabu.

Molehillmountain · 19/12/2011 09:34

I'm with aunt Margaret. This has happened for all three of dds birthday parties. Essentially, I want to be a good host so I'd never make a sarky comment on arrival. If they apologise, it's "gosh, don't worry, lovely to see you". If not, welcomed like everyone else. I was taken aback by the person who asked for a party for the sibling they hadn't checked could come, but I think from their party, they'd accepted siblings as norm and accommodated them there, so weren't being rude as such. It is rude, I'd shrivel up if it was me, but parties are about making everyone feel comfortable. If numbers are critical, then I would chase and check.

Molehillmountain · 19/12/2011 09:37

That sounded a bit holier than thou-reading it back! It is very annoying, especially doing party bags, and I would never do it but my point was that at the party would not be my venue to tackle it.

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