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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how can I get my daughter to allow me to do her hair

57 replies

BlissfulMistletoe · 18/12/2011 19:30

Not so much to put bobbles and clips ect...... Just brush it without the drama and more important to check for nits as she goes to playgroup every afternoon and I would hate to think I am responsible for other children catching them.

Dd is 2.5 years old

OP posts:

GoingForGoalWeight · 18/12/2011 23:11

How about trying one of those Dragon's Den, Tangle Teezer combs? Take a look on Ebay, they're supposed to glide painlessly through knots in hair :)

meditrina · 18/12/2011 23:24

If she's normally quite compliant, then perhaps she is oversensitive about having her head/hair touched. As well as all the brilliant suggestion about detangling spray and distractions, I would also touch her head and hair a lot at other times to help normalise the whole experience. So run you fingers through her hair at odd times, stroke her hair - generally make the head touch something that happens without drama at times other than combing.

Let her comb your hair too, and style it (remember to take random clips out before you go out though!).

Similar for washing - wet her hair in the bath without full washing (unless she's got very sticky just a water rinse will probably be enough anyhow). Try to let her be in control as much as possible: perhaps hold her really firmly and let her control the rate at which she tips her head back. Stroke her head in the water. Only start to shampoo and rinse when she's happier about positioning her head conveniently. Perhaps suggest that in tipping back, she's making her hair "mermaid hair", and have her feel how it fans out in the water?

needanewname · 19/12/2011 07:15

I on e worked at a hairdressers. A mum bought in her little girl who's hair she claims she had never been able to brush. This poor little girls hair was completely matted and we had to cut so much out as there was no way you could have a got a comb or brush though. I still remember her screaming an crying now. She probably has a terrible fear of hairdressers and it could have been prevented if her parents had persevered and did her hair properly at home or bought her tithe Salam sooner.

Btw my dd2 gets into a real state sometimes when I brush her hair. I just gently explain to her that if i don't do it now, it will be worse later and she has to have it done. Sometimes it works, sometimes
It doesn't, but I won't out her through the experience of having matted hair cut off.

Op your dd is young enough that you could have a bath together, you could put a load of conditioner on and brush whilst in the bath and then let her do yours.

Has she ever had her hair cut? If not that could be making it worse, I notice withy girls that their hairs more knotty when it's not been cut for a while.

Good luck, you need to get Thai sorted ASAP before it gets worse.

TheHumancatapult · 19/12/2011 07:22

Tangle teasers are fab . I have waist length thick hair that can get badly tangled over night . Let alone when had surgery so nothing be dine for a couple of weekd or so

Nurse brought one in as I was going to get it all cut of and she said could jot bare the thought of it

I'm now a convert to them Amazon do them

lolaflores · 19/12/2011 07:26

same prob with both offspring. eldest is 18 and still won't let me near her beautiful flowing chestnut locks, I ache to blow dry it properly, but she washes it and shoves it into a top not and walks around looking like Compo. DD2 has finally given into my gritted teeth determination to brush and wash her bloody curly hair. we use the iphone method too. there are days where the sweat flows off me and I have to leave the room as she behaves like I am the Child Snatcher with a big stick. I fucking hate it. I see kids with their hair in corn rows or tight tight pig tails and wonder at how they ahve happended. Befuddled.

EssieW · 19/12/2011 07:37

Tangle teazer brush. Have just got one for 2.3 yr DD who now happily has her hair brushed. Other brushes pulled too much.

nooka · 19/12/2011 07:39

My dd has hair that tangles incredibly easily and the best solution for us is a really nice short bob. When she did have it longer we plaited it up at night because it tangled terribly in her sleep (I think she is quite a restless sleeper). Otherwise we've used anti-tangle spray and at it's worst lots and lots of conditioner. It's sometimes taken an hour or so to detangle if she's not been good about brushing it (dh just gets out the scissors).

Otherwise experimenting with hairbrushes has helped, some really do pull much more than others.

mumblecrumble · 19/12/2011 07:42

We had similar issues and we made sure DDs hair was cut short in a bob. We bathed together till she went to school and played hairdressers where we washed each others hair. In terms of nits again we played hairdresser and she checked mine too...

seeker · 19/12/2011 07:42

Not worth any stress. Keep it short until she's old enough to get thŵt if she wants it long she has to put up with the brushing. Honestly. Pick your battle.

Thinknback to your own childhood for a moment, and remember how much hair brushing hurt!

LovesBloominChristmas · 19/12/2011 07:44

The voodoo that is a tangle teezer, tge best tennerI have spent in my life!

Theas18 · 19/12/2011 07:48

Try tangle teaser and lots of conditioning spray- maybe in her Xmas stocking?

If that doesn't work I'm with seeker, get it cut, really short and maybe layered so there is barely any brushing to do. This is a battle that isn't worth fighting, she had have longer hair when she can do it herself.

stayformulledwine · 19/12/2011 07:52

Ah the dreaded hair brushing my older two girls have curly hair. My eldests in particular is a total nightmare. I let them do it themselves now, always hurts a but less when it's you doing your own hair!

When I was young I had hair so long I could sit on it. My SM used to love to brush it, hurt like hell! I begged to have it cut, she refused. In the end I tied it up in a pony tail then hacked the pony tail off. later that day I had a lovely bob and no more hair brushing agony!

I agree, let her do it herself and consider having it cut shorter until she is old enough to either cope better or manage it more herself.

maydaychild · 19/12/2011 07:53

Agree with tangle teasers
Is her hair wavy or curly? My dd has dead straight hair and it's long glossy and beautiful. it's regularly trimmed every 8 weeks.
My nieces have a wave and curl. My sis doesn't cut their hair, it's straggly and torn. They frequently have matted bits and knots.
When she does tackle it, it breaks and rips.
I think she wanted to get it long ASAP whereas my dd took ages.
I think hair type plays a factor too.
Regular trimming
Good brush
And watch together one you tube
Cute girls hairstyle .com
I think this helped my dd as she could see the little girl sitting still for her mum as well as me learning loads of great ways to do her hair.

lolaflores · 19/12/2011 08:22

mayday child, that is aces. I now mine will love that. shall do it this avo. am still recovering from the Brechtian nightmare that was the hair for school episode. and am going to get a tangle teaser. have been meaning to for some while now. will use it on both of tem

boohoobabywho · 20/12/2011 20:25

sorry for the late response...

a tat... you know when you comb your hair and it stops... its hit a tat. i think its a local variation of 'tatty' meaning knotty.

MissHonkover · 20/12/2011 20:42

My DD is a grumpy git at the best of times, so I praise the lord for her curls. No brushing, just washing, conditioning, and chopping off of bits that I can't get the Weetabix out of.

lolaflores · 21/12/2011 08:27

Result with the tangle teaser. I nearly cried with relief. Got one for the 18 year old for xmas too. deep joy all round

CoffeeDog · 21/12/2011 08:32

Tangle tease ... stopped SOOOO may tantrums and is the sole reason DD still has thick hair down to her bum!!

mummytime · 21/12/2011 08:38

Another vote for Tangle Tease, also we used Aussie leave in conditioner to help lubricate the knots. But otherwise 5 minutes of sounding like you are torturing the child, we live next to a path and no one ever reported me to SS.

lolaflores · 21/12/2011 08:43

yep put in the leave in aussie conditioner too. i used to dread the task but honestly, we don't know ourselves and even she admitted it was much nicer than before.
A Merry Tantrum Free Christmas to you all

JjandtheBean · 21/12/2011 10:05

Where can you buy a tangle teaser?

And would it work on very fine thin shoulder length toddler hair? My brush is just too big so I have to comb which of course occasionally causes a strop --this morning--

SaintBelle · 21/12/2011 12:37

Tangle teezer can be bought on amazon or in boots JJ

Fennel · 21/12/2011 12:43

Another vote for keeping it short. I only let my dds have long hair if they are happy to brush it/have it brushed. If not, they have short bobs. I like bobs anyway.

nativitywreck · 21/12/2011 13:27

Do it really short, in a pixie cut. Stick a bow headband on it. Cute! (Can you tell I have a boy?)

AngelDelightIsIndeedDelightful · 21/12/2011 13:35

My dd has beautiful long blonde hair. She HATES having it brushed. She begs to have it cut off, but it's me refusing because it's just so lovely and I'm jealous of it.

We have to put it in a bobble for bed, otherwise she wakes up looking like she's spent the whole night backcombing it.

We've tried everything - the rewards, the treats and none of it works with her. Every morning is a daily battle.

She's getting better at doing it herself (she's 5) which has helped enormously, but will get a tangle teaser after all the recommendations.

Hope you find something that works because it's awful when you're having to deal with it daily!

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