FIL I know I am BU

[bluerememberedhills]

So - PIL always wanted Christmas at their house - all DCs there = they have done it for years .

I like Christmas at my house .(DH + 1 DS ) So - this year FIL is bereaved (and to be honest that is sad , my MIL was a nice woman ) Due to family circs we are living in a teeny tiny flat & going to FIL for Christmas.

I almost dont need to ask because I know I am BU but is there a little way I can put my foot down and say - Next Year would you come to us ?

The problem is - he will say No and so everyone has to rally round so he is not on his own . He will not travel (50 miles) or sleep in a bed which is not his own ......

I know this sounds trivial - and I do. But AIBU to put foot down ahead of time , or should I just leave it . (It won't get better)

BRH

I think as it is his first year without mil you should not say anything and just be there to help him get over this Xmas. You can mention next Xmas in about another 6 months or something.

shutupanddrive Agree, leave it this year. Start talking about it next summer/ autumn.

Shut up - good advice - that is my inclination - I said I BU - I am just looking too far ahead but I can see it becoming a problem - every thing we do becomes *think of my father - he is on his own" I know that - but (and I don't want to sound unkind - but

• we need to live as well ......

I feel dreadful even asking

Leave it this year, then come the summer announce you'll take over all the hassle of Christmas and he can come to you. Do it as if it's a favour to your FIL.

Don't worry until the Summer. Don't discuss it with DH until the summer.

I agre with everyone else wait a good few months before thinking about next Christmas.

Then if christmas at home is what your dh wants aswell why not suggest to you fil alternating so you spend one year at home and the next with him?

Kitty F

Thank you . Good Advice .

As has been said don't mention Christmas 2012 yet - it will only reflect your disappointment at doing it "his way" this year and you will end up looking unkind and mean spirited.

Enjoy Christmas this year. Support your fil who has lost his wife and your DH who has lost (presumably?) his mother. Cross the 2012 bridge later.

Thank you all

(and Sirzy )

You are all making sense - it is just that Christmas is an emotional time and we dont all think clearly

My inclination is to discuss it - in truth think you are right to just leave it for a while

SBH

I hope I made it clear I was being UR. Your words are very wise. Thank you

Thank you all - how lovely to have a forum where one (you) will get such kind and sensible comments . Thank you all again.

BRILL
brh

we used to have this but now its set that boxing day is my family's Xmas day. win win situation as we get two Xmas days! it was my sisters in laws who caused the issues as my bro in law is the only one of his siblings living in the uk. my dh and I just go with the flow

You would be surprised how much someone can change after their spouse of many years dies. Next year he might want to go off on a cruise and leave you all to it.. but now is most definately not the right time for you to say anything at all.