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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think boyfriend should always bring me home?

28 replies

Mummyin2012x · 18/12/2011 00:16

hi guys, this is my first AIBU, I'm a lurker by nature.

Had a bit of a row with my mum tonight and just want an outsiders take on things.

Long story short my boyfriend and dad are both cab drivers, my mum and dad both think that when I'm Out drinking after work one of them should bring me home. Now, I don't mind a lift home but am happy to get the train and then a taxi home. My dad has offered a few times recently to bring me home (I've ended up getting train both times as he was too far away and getting the train is more convenient anyway).

My boyfriend, doesn't feel the need to bring me home, nor do I expect it. I probably go out after work once a week and don't feel he should have to bring me back (30 min journey) and then go back again.

Tonight, my ma has had a drink and said both her and my dad think my boyfriend is 'mean'.

AIBU to think that I should just be able to go out and come
Home with no drama.

:-( I hate the confrontation!

OP posts:

zimm · 18/12/2011 00:19

Your user name is confusing me, are you pregnant? Assuming you are not then no YANBU.

AgentZigzag · 18/12/2011 00:20

Your bf is right to leave you to make up your own mind about how to get home, you'd ask if you wanted a lift wouldn't you?

Nothing to do with your parents.

tethersjinglebellend · 18/12/2011 00:23

Why would it make a difference if she was pregnant, zimm?

Does your BF offer to give you a lift or do you ask when you need one? Will he give you a lift if you ask?

Original poster

Mummyin2012x · 18/12/2011 00:32

Sorry guys. Originally signed up when ttc and now not as much!! Should be wannabemum :-)

I think he would but he would be annoyed to lose work over it. Of course if I missed the last train or something he wouldn't mind at all.
We just feel I'm a big girl who can do my
Own thing. Whereas I can see her point that I'm her baby and she worries about me getting home safe. She is always starting pointless arguments and I just don't want to deal with it. It is such a non issue to me!!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 18/12/2011 00:35

If it's a non issue just take what they're saying as them caring for you, give them a hug, tell them you'll be fine and thank them for worrying about you

Then let it wash over you and get on doing what you want.

Original poster

Mummyin2012x · 18/12/2011 00:40

ThanKs for your advice zigzag. It's just now we've had a big falling out over it because she wouldn't let it go. It's annoying because she is my like my best friend we get on so well BUT occasionally have these blow ups. Its always me who bends and apologises to smooth everything over and I won't do it this time!

OP posts:

crazyspaniel · 18/12/2011 08:32

I had a virtually identical argument with my mother a few years ago when I used to work shifts in a hospital and finished at midnight. I didn't drive back then and used to get a cab home, but my mother thought my (now) husband was really mean not to pick me up. But I didn't want him to, as he had to get up at 6am to start his job. She has held this against him ever since and subsequently bought it up as one of the reasons she didn't think I should marry him. My mother has never learnt to drive and seems to think it's the husband's job to taxi his wife around wherever she wants!

EssentialFattyAcid · 18/12/2011 08:45

It's about what you want. If you prefer to make your own way home and don't feel unsafe doing so then nobody else's views should matter, surely?

namechangerbat · 18/12/2011 08:47

Are you 17?

MabelLucyAttwell · 18/12/2011 08:51

A gentleman would assume that he should see his girlfriend home. That doesn't mean that she should accept his assumption though. Men are different these days (although I do know one chap who takes his girlfriend home with no strings attached and then has a half hour drive home) but at least OP has two offers - offers - so it's up to her whether or not she accepts - although she hasn't said how old she is. If my daughter were 15-18ish, I would like her to take up an offer.

meditrina · 18/12/2011 08:55

I assume they are concerned for your safety.

Also, if your cab-driving relatives are willing to forego a paying fare to bring you back (I'm assuming this is free for you), then you are potentially saving the train fare (if not covered by a season ticket) and the subsequent taxi fare from the station. It may also prove quicker (eliminating waits for trains and taxis) and once you're in the cab you don't have to move again until you doorstep.

So I can see why they push it - there are a number of objective positives, all of which clearly bring advantage to you.

I would find your stance pretty mystifying too. Then again, I've never had enough spare dosh for late night taxi fares, and am old enough to have had my approach to night time safety formed by the Yorkshire Ripper.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 18/12/2011 08:59

I am confused. Do you live with your parents or your boyfriend or do you all live together?

When I lived with my parents, if I had a date it was expected that I would be brought home by the boy. If I was out with girlfriends it was expected that we jointly ensured everyone's safe return, ie, the girls from one village would travel home together and girls without a travelling companion would either get a taxi or stay overnight at a friends (pre-arranged). Stuck to pretty much the same rules when I had a flat as a single girl in London.

callmemrs · 18/12/2011 09:00

Your parents sound controlling . You are old enough to work and have a bf so you're old enough to get the train home

FredFredGeorge · 18/12/2011 09:25

A gentleman wouldn't assume that it was there responsibility to take his girlfriend home, the word you're looking for is chauvinist MabelLucyAttwell.

Just do what's safe, having your boyfriend lose money when there are other safe options is pretty silly.

Trills · 18/12/2011 09:48

Your mum is being unreasonable to expect that your boyfriend should drive you home when
1 - you are not out with him
2 - he is working

BertieBotts · 18/12/2011 09:52

I don't understand your question. First you ask "AIBU to think my boyfriend should bring me home?" And then you say "My boyfriend doesn't feel the need to bring me home, nor do I expect it. I [...] don't feel he should have to bring me back."

So do you want him to bring you home or not?

SilentNotViolentNight · 18/12/2011 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dustinthewind · 18/12/2011 10:46

If you don't like your mother being over-controlling and worrying about you, move out of the house and live like an adult.

SantasStrapon · 18/12/2011 10:57

Why is it chauvanistic to see someone you love home safely? It's a nice gesture.

I pick the DDs up when they go out, DD1 is 18 and an adult. I'd still rather know she is home safely. Does that make me some kind of 'istic'?

Dustinthewind · 18/12/2011 11:02

My DS regularly walks girls home from college events after dark, it seems logical to him to make sure a friend is safe.
Yes, he understands that in an ideal world, women and men should be able to walk wherever they like and at any time, but until that happens, they ask him and he says yes.

eurochick · 18/12/2011 11:08

Are you living at home and have never lived away from home? If so, your parents probably still think of you as a child.

I don't think it is unreasonable to see yourself home safely assuming you are 18+, but parents will always worry.

Original poster

Mummyin2012x · 18/12/2011 11:53

Hi all, thanks for all your advice.

I am 22 and live with my boyfriend.

Meditrina - my dad is willing to forgo a fare to bring me home but I feel safe getting a train to where I live and then a 5 minute taxi to where I live. They also think it should be my boyfriends job to do it and it's not!!

I've decided to not tell them when I'm going out so it doesn't cause any arguments. She said last night if anything ever happens to me she will blame him. :-( it's ridiculous!

I don't feel he should bring me home.

OP posts:

Dustinthewind · 18/12/2011 12:12

My DD is almost 21, I do worry about her but i trust her common sense to make good choices about her own safety. On a couple of occasions, I've brought her home in the early hours. She's at uni, so I don't know when she goes out most of the time, but she has a good set of friends, both there and here that look out for each other.
Mothers usually worry, you can't stop that happening.

mayorquimby · 18/12/2011 14:42

will you be taking an hour out of your work day once a week to do him a favour?

mayorquimby · 18/12/2011 14:44

sorry I realise you don't expect him to, I meant to post "does your mum expect that you will be taking....

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