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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I ask for more in this divorce?

17 replies

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 17/12/2011 23:25

DH and I have agreed quite amicably the marriage is not working and we should separate. We have 2 DCs.
So he has 2 flats he rents out and we have joint mortgage on our family home.
The agreement so far is he will sell one flat, give me the equity and i Will buy my own house needing a mortgage and the equity as a 40% deposit.
Child maintenance agreed at £600 per month.
To me this sounds entirely reasonable.
The mortgage on family home is large (330k)and if we sold now and split the equity, it would amount to the same as what he is giving me from the proceeds of the flat he is selling.(60k hopefully)
With me so far?
Do you think this is fair? He will take on family home mortgage alone and will still have one flat left he rents out.
I will have mortgage of about 80 k and regular child maintenance.
Some friends think I should ask for more?
WDYT?

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 17/12/2011 23:29

Speak to a divorce lawyer before you agree to anything.

How long have you been together, how long has he owned the flats, do you work, do you need childcare for the DC or are they at school.

slavetofilofax · 17/12/2011 23:34

Sounds fair to me, but that does depend on more details. Did he have the flats when you got married?

It's worth bearing in mind that your relationship with him is going to be a long and significant one, and you can't put a price on having a good relationship with the person you co parent with.

Original poster

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 17/12/2011 23:35

I work part time and earn about 1000 a month. We would split child care between us but we do use a child minder for one and a half days a week.
There is also swimming, dance etc to pay for both too. He earns 3 x as much as I do.
We have been together for 7 years :((
He had both flats when I met him. Living in one and renting the other.
I had my own house which I sold and we used the quite to buy the family home. (70k)
Thanks for you response. X

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 17/12/2011 23:36

Exactly slave. We are very civil and I don't want to be a money grabber but I also want what is considered fair?

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 17/12/2011 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foreverondiet · 17/12/2011 23:38

So when you met you had a house and he had 2 flats?

Are you asking for half of your total assets?

Original poster

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 17/12/2011 23:43

Err I am not sure. No? Asking for money to help me buy a house?
Yes I had house and he had 2 flats.
Now we have joint house and he also has the 2 flats.
I am confused. Are the flats counted in as total assets?

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 17/12/2011 23:43

Excuse my ignorance x

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 17/12/2011 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MabelLucyAttwell · 18/12/2011 09:09

You will have the children so why don't you have the house rather than what the sale of a flat could get you?

RedHelenB · 18/12/2011 09:18

Could you be housed without a mortgage? Given he earns 3x what you do that might be more equitable.

oldenoughtowearpurple · 18/12/2011 09:46

I am writing as a divorcee, not a lawyer, but this is what I have picked up along the way.

The basics are this: you and XDH agree a split but the court has to accept your proposal. If the court thinks it's unreasonable they can make you go away and start again.

Remember the bit in the marriage service 'all my worldly goods with thee I share' - that's a LEGAL promise that from that point on everything you own is jointly owned. There is no Yours and Mine; 'his' flat is your flat, your house is his house etc.

So the start point for a split of assets in divorce is 50:50 of everything you jointly own and that includes all equity, pensions, savings, cars etc etc.

This basic split might change

if it means neither parent can house the children adequately: the children are the court's primary concern
if the marriage is a short marriage: but however short in time, you have two children so yours won't count as a short marriage

So looking at your split

does it reflect a 50:50 split of value of assets?
If it doesn't and especially if the children are going to spend most of their time with you then the court may well question this.
If it does, and if the children are going to be living more with you than with him, does it make it possible for you to give them a lifestyle that is commensurate with BOTH of your lifestyles? i.e. the court won't be happy if you are living in penury with your kids and he is living in a palace.
You also need to take into account possible future changes: if you are relying on his maintenance payments how secure are these? does he have job security? is he likely to have more children?

Frankly, your best bet will be to gather together all the financial information and see a solicitor. Even amicable divorces cost money to get right.

nocake · 18/12/2011 09:54

I agree with everything oldenoughtowearpurple says but please try to reach an amicable agreement. You have to continue to have a relationship with him because of your kids and that will be so much easier if you're on good terms. So keep talking to him, if you use a solicitor let him know and let him know why as it can be seen as an aggressive attempt to get more money, don't let the solicitor send him letters without checking what is being written. It only takes one stupid act on either side to turn something amicable into a very expensive and unpleasant war that will cause damage for years to come.

pootlebug · 18/12/2011 11:38

It sounds to me as though you are losing out property-wise. You said that 50% of the equity on the family home should roughly equate to the money that you are getting from the flat sale.

So you are getting 50% of the family home (substantial deposit 100% provided by you in the first place) and he is keeping both of his flats. That doesn't sound fair to me. A few possibilities:

You get 100% of equity in the family home, since you put in the equity in the first place. He keeps both flats, since he put the equity in there, or
You work out how much equity is in all three properties and agree a split of that between you. That might be 50:50, or might be more in favour of you (especially if you have the kids for the majority of the time). A different split might be appropriate if one of you came into the marriage with a hugely different amount to the other (say £200k v £50k) but after 7 years of marriage and two kids the court might not see it that way.
From the sale of the family home, you keep £70k + half of all equity above £70k as a minimum.

Your maintenance of £600 per month sounds about right on the CSA calcaulation, which is 20% of net salary for two children. You need to agree on who will pay for childminder, dance, swimming etc - you need to agree the principles so that if your childcare needs change you've still worked out who covers what.

Does he have a pension? Do you? That could be a major asset to be taken into account too. FWIW when my husband and his ex split, she kept over 90% of the 'current' assets (equity in home, savings etc). He kept his pension. In total the asset split was something like 68% to her, 32% to him. He had a good job, she hadn't worked for several years. One child, for whom he pays maintenance at CSA rates. I agree about keeping it amicable though - despite the asset split firmly in her favour and several years spousal maintenance on top of the child maintenance she rejected his offer and the suggestion of mediation and they went to court. They wasted a heck of a lot of money in legal fees.....the amount spent on lawyers could have paid for their son's University education - instead it all went to lawyers and she was awarded less than he offered her in the first place, and the whole process made both parties more bitter.

OhTheConfusion · 18/12/2011 11:52

I would suggest you contact a lawyer, I realise this is expensive but im afraid it is near essential.

If the equity in the family home is roughly £120,000 then you should recieve half of this + the equity from one of the flats as you seem to forget you invested £70,000 in to the family property pot when you married.

I calculate a (very rough) £120,000 is what you should walk away with plus £600 per month maintenance, a share of any pention accumilated throughout your relationship as well as a written agreement regarding split of childcare fee's (as for you to work full time it will cost you more in childcare to have a chance at earning as much as your exH... childcare should be a split evenly as it is 50% his responsibility, he can't just assume responsibility at weekends when he is free).

Also extra activities, swimming, dancing, school trips etc need to be discussed as £600 pcm works out at £20 per day for two kids.... that does not go far in relation to a roof over their heads, food, clothing, shoes etc.

Any good father will understand this. Try to keep things as civil as you can but don't be screwed over (your doing it for the kids too).

Good luck.

breatheslowly · 18/12/2011 11:57

In terms of assets, you came into your relationship with about £70k and will be leaving with about £60k. Will he also be taking a drop in his assets (i.e. has the total value of what you both brought in decreased)? I know this isn't the only way to look at it, but it sounds odd.

I think you need to disregard the child maintenance in deciding whether the split of assets is fair as the child maintenance is just that - to maintain the children.

Amateurish · 18/12/2011 12:13

Sorry if this is a stupid question but why have you agreed child maintenance payments if you are sharing the care of your DC s equally.

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