My Mum passed away 14 years ago and since then, I have taken the role of doing the whole xmas day lunch, etc. I did it as my sister and Dad never did and I wanted to try and keep some of the family traditions going.
My Dad has since remarried to a woman that we really do not get along with at all but who I would never say a bad word to for fear of hurting Dad. Problem is that since my Dad married this woman, they have invited us to a lunch at their house once in 11 years!
I dont see my younger sister much during the year as she lives a fair distance away and quite honestly, we just dont have similar lives at all. I send her money when she needs and phone her once a month and extend an invite probably another once or twice during the year. She has NEVER invited us to her house. I have discussed this with her but she just laughs and brushes it off.
So as far as xmas goes, it costs me a fortune (none of them contribute at all even though I have asked a few times over the years but I understand they may not be in a position to) but the biggest problem is that I feel I may be wasting my time with it all. Neither of them ever invite us round and always just leave xmas day - assuming that we will sort it. I end up feeling so positive that we will be a "family" again for sure this time and then I dont hear from them. Its a cycle that has been going on for 14 years.
This year I spoke to DH and he felt we should just not invite them and we could do our own family day with the 6 of us. I loved the idea of that and have planned accordingly. Problem is sister sent a message earlier asking how I was (VERY unusual). I know that she is going to ask what we are doing xmas day and I am now in a flat panic as to what to say. Should I just gave and do it anyway or just say no. I feel awful about saying no and I am not sure why but the thought of having to tell her and Dad that I am not doing it this year is putting me into a cold sweat and making me feel like I am abandoning them!