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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take DD to all these Birthday parties?

24 replies

ashamednamechanger · 16/12/2011 22:12

Since starting school in September my DD has been invited to 6 parties. I think it's great that she appears to be so popular.....bu I cannot stand thse sodding parties!
They are always held at some awful climbing frame venue with crap food and lots of other not invited screaming kids. I could probably live with that, just. And I can also live with the fact that I will have to compete with the other parents in buying a present for a child when I have no idea what to buy them.... yet more money to dole out.
But the absolute worst thing is having to make "small talk" for 2 bloody hours with the other parents! I don't know them, they don't know me. The only thing we have in common is that our children have all ended up in the same class at school. hate it!
AIBU in not accepting the invites, or am I in danger of pyschologically damaging my child for life?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2011 22:19

You're in danger of drowning in your own misery

You don't have to 'compete' with parents over presents...just put some money in a card.

As for the rest of it, it's up to you how much you're willing to put yourself out for your DD's enjoyment.

mumblechum1 · 16/12/2011 22:19

I always dropped and ran, I'm afraid.

mumblechum1 · 16/12/2011 22:20

Agree, if you don;t want to buy a present just stick a fiver in a card.

PickledHegg · 16/12/2011 22:21

YABU

Take a magazine/book to read whilst your DD enjoys socializing with her friends

Lilyloo · 16/12/2011 22:22

I would say be thankful she has lot's of friends , after reception i dropped and left at party's.
I would accept invites now as you are building lasting friendships , you don't always have to stay and make small talk.

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 16/12/2011 22:23

IMO you need to get over yourself and think about the joy it will bring your daughter.
Go onto the book people buy a 10 pack of books for £10 and wrap one each time, book=educational no need for top trumps with gifts at all!
you may find that if you talk to these horrific women that they all feel the same and may actually find one or two that you like

Hassledge · 16/12/2011 22:23

Don't feel obliged to go to them all, but maybe try to lighten up a bit. It's a couple of hours - and your DD is having fun (presumably). You might find yourself making some really good friends along the way. One of my closest friends now is a woman I made small talk to at a party when our DSs were 4 - that was 20 years ago.

LordOfTheFlies · 16/12/2011 22:25

I was never wild about parties (in Reception and Yr 1 they seemed to be every weekend).

But you are not doing it for you it's your DC who's invited.

Children like "awful climbing frame venues" and "crap food".

What have you got planned for your DCs birthday BTW?

You sound like a god awful snob too.

Original poster

ashamednamechanger · 16/12/2011 22:25

But I always feel really guilty about just dropping her off and leaving....like I expect the part child's parents to look after her.
And yes, that is my main worry....my lack of wanting to mix with other parents will hold my DD back.

OP posts:

helpmabob · 16/12/2011 22:30

Do you have a partner who you could share party duty with? I don't exactly love these things either which is why my dh does many of them.

I have to say that as a mum who had to stay with my clingy offspring, the other kids who were dropped off used to cling to me too when they were very little.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2011 22:30

Then don't drop and run. Take a book and put yourself out for 2 hours.

This is such a small part of your child's life...they're not little for long.

As for mixing with the other parents, don't bother. They might no be wild about mixing with you either.

fedupofnamechanging · 16/12/2011 22:34

I wouldn't drop and run. Soft play is open to the public and the hosting parents might not keep a proper eye on your child if they are busy. You child is only small and might need you.

My dd is 4 and since starting school has been to loads of parties. It's not my idea of fun, but it is hers. You just have to put up with it, because your child is enjoying herself and making friends. Take a magazine if you don't want to chat for 2 hours.

I buy books from Asda (less than £5) for birthday presents, or you can buy paints/play doh type gifts for hardly any money. I don't do competitive present buying.

Ragwort · 16/12/2011 22:37

How do you know that the other mothers aren't looking at you and loathing the thought of having to talk to you? You do sound a bit up yourself . Just take a magazine to read, your DD is enjoying herself and learning how to mix with other people - a very useful social skill.

Veda · 16/12/2011 22:38

Yabu, they don't put these parties on so YOU can have fun.

CrapBag · 16/12/2011 22:39

Its not fair on your DD if you don't let her go to the parties because you have no interest in getting to know the other parents.

Children like these sorts of parties, its a couple of hours, just take her.

squeakytoy · 16/12/2011 22:41

But the absolute worst thing is having to make "small talk" for 2 bloody hours with the other parents! I don't know them, they don't know me.

Then get to know them. Your child will be at school with them for quite a while yet. Stop being so stand-offish and unfriendly.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 16/12/2011 23:05

You don't need to compete about presents! No one thinks like that!

Having to talk to the other parents doesn't have to be a bad thing either, don't you want to get to know your dcs friends and their parents? Can be handy later on.

Also the parties aren't for you so it doesn't matter if you don't like those places, your dc loves it I bet. just think of them and get on with it. That's not to say you have to go to every single party but can you imagine how sad that would be if you just stopped taking dc to parties! Can't see that's really an option.

3brokentoes · 16/12/2011 23:08

If you dont want your child to go to parties dont take her/him. Simple really!

StupidLikeButton · 16/12/2011 23:10

how would you feel if everyone said the same when it was your DDs party? I have one of the hellish type to go t on Sunday...nasty playbarn thing...loads of parents I dont know...2 hours of "Marina pushed David off the slide!" and "Flora crushed her sandwich in my hair" type stuff....but I'm going all the same.

cestlavielife · 16/12/2011 23:16

Change school ? To one with parents you approve of ?
Home school? So you can keep your dd away from other kids?

Seriously it is a chance for you to get to know other parents.
Bulk buy presents eg books from the book people.co.uk ditto birthday cards.

Pandemoniaa · 16/12/2011 23:18

YABU.

It might be worth reading some of the very sad tales on MN about children who would give their eye-teeth to ever get invited to a party. And then count your blessings you have a popular little girl who has such a good social life.

I'm sure there are many of us who have suffered crap party venues but actually, you put your children first and make the best of it. In the greater scheme of things, it's a tiny proportion of your time given up.

I'm sure you aren't the only parent at these parties who'd prefer to be somewhere else or who might choose a different sort of party for their own child. But if you continue to turn your nose up so disdainfully at people you perceive to be such hoi-polloi, you are unlikely to realise this and perhaps get things into perspective.

DarklyDexterish · 16/12/2011 23:28

OP I understand a little bit where you are coming from, soft play parties are my idea of hell from a screechy noise perspective but this is all a small part of being a parent and allowing your DC make bonds which she will have for the next 5 yrs at primary school and probably beyond.

You sound as if you can't be arsed with your childs friends parents and that will make you and ultimately your child an outsider who will be less likely to be invited to parties in future - believe me, I have seen it happen!

Its nice to be liked at school and it would be horrible for your child to be excluded next year possibly because you couldn't be arsed this year iyswim

lockets · 16/12/2011 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smallwhitecat · 16/12/2011 23:33

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