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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not give my DD a 1st birthday party

25 replies

smoggii · 16/12/2011 21:48

After deciding it's just too much like hard work Blush

This is our PFB so we have already done a big welcome party (Sept) for all family and old friends but didn't include any of her 'baby friends' and their parents.

Her birthday is at the start of Jan and I was going to hire a hall for all the playgroup babies, local babies, friend babies and family babies and all the respective parents but being just after xmas things are tight so i really can't afford it. I then thought, well it's about 15 kids under two, they can fit in my house but then remembered that it's 15 sets of parents too and they can't.

So i trim it down to about 8 kids, my house still isn't big enough.

Just family kids = 4 but then when you add grandparents, uncles and aunts who will want to be there we're still talking 20+ people and my house really is small.

AIBU to bake a cake, let the grandparents come round, take a few pics of her in a party hat and leave it at that.

It seems that all the other babies are having parties and I know she won't care either way but I do worry people will think i'm a bad mother Xmas Grin

OP posts:
PengyQuinn · 16/12/2011 21:52

Neither of mine have had a 1st or 2nd birthday party, just a special birthday tea with grandparents. I will consider something small for my eldest's 3rd but before then I think its money that doesn't really need to be spent, unless the parents want to. Don't worry about it.

Beamur · 16/12/2011 21:54

I had a party at home when DD was 1, but it wasn't really for her - she was too young to appreciate what was going on - it was more to thank my friends and show her off to people
I wouldn't bother with a big party, unless you want it for yourself. The first party I had for DD and 'friends' was last year when she was 4.

Seona1973 · 16/12/2011 21:58

we didnt have proper parties until the age of 4 or 5 - before that it was just the family round for some nibbles and cake

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 16/12/2011 21:59

DD is nearly 4 and has only ever had family parties. She's not getting a 4th party either as dd2 is due around the same time. Might do something in the summer if I feel inclined...

HeidiKat · 16/12/2011 21:59

My DD was one recently and we didn't bother with a party, we had a nice family day out with DH and then grandparents came round later to do the birthday cake. I just couldn't be arsed organising a party this close to christmas.

RagamuffinAndFidget · 16/12/2011 22:01

DS1 had a picnic in the park with family and friends (NCT group and a couple of other Mums with similarly aged littlies) for his 1st and 2nd birthdays. Obvs, two different parties, we didn't stay there all year.

DS2 hasn't had a birthday yet but as they're both July babies (one at the beginning, one at the end) I'm hoping we can just do a joint picnic in the park for both of them around mid-July.

Cheapskate? Moi? Grin

CMOTdibbler · 16/12/2011 22:04

For ds's first birthday he, dh and I went out to lunch. No gparents round or anything. He did get a party for his second, but we'd just moved area and it was more to actually meet the children he spent his days at nursery with

Yesmynameis · 16/12/2011 22:09

We didn't have a big 1st birthday party either, as we'd already had a fairly big Christening a few months earlier in the summer where all family on both sides had been invited.

So for her birthday we just had grandparents, our brothers and sisters, some of our really close friends and some of her little play mates round. Same problem really, we had to have a party that would fit our house and being the Winter we couldn't rely on spreading out into the garden.

We did have a separate party a few weeks earlier with all the mums and babies from our post natal group who are all of similar ages, and did a secret santa for their birthday presents which worked really well.

Minshu · 16/12/2011 22:10

No parties for my DD's first or second. First, met a friend at soft play, second DP and I had the day off and his parents visited for the following weekend. They don't have any real understanding at this age, so it depends if you want to do it for anyone else's benefit.

Minshu · 16/12/2011 22:13

"They" being the kiddies - DP's parents knew what was going on... Over 150 birthdays between them, so they should really by now.

bessie26 · 24/12/2011 23:56

DD1 (3) only had birthday tea with the GP for her 1st & 2nd birthdays - I don't think it's left any lasting damage!

Does she have any friend with birthdays around the same time? Our NCT group had a get-together for their first birthday & then a joint party for their 2nd (where most of us invited a couple of friends along) - much easier and cheaper that way!

thepeoplesprincess · 25/12/2011 00:00

YANBU to have a family tea. Not doing owt at all would be a bit po-faced-; even at her tender age.

mrsjay · 25/12/2011 00:02

min ehad their 1st birthdays at home with just familiy i dont get why a 1 year old needs a huge party they dont know or care whats going on , do what you want for your dd birthday x

Flisspaps · 25/12/2011 00:09

Erm...what's a Welcome party?

foreverondiet · 25/12/2011 00:35

My Ds2 (DC3) didn't have a 1st birthday party as we went on holiday on his birthday. Was going to do party afterwards but then DS1 got chicken pox just before the holiday so guessed that DS2 would have just after the holiday (he did) so didn't bother.

He had no idea it was his birthday, its for the parents, as you say whether your friends think you are a bad mother.

PeggyCarter · 25/12/2011 03:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

partytights · 25/12/2011 03:46

YANBU. DD1 had a first birthday party and she doesn't remember anything about it. DD2 got presents and a few family members round, a cake and a sing song but no party.

Original poster
smoggii · 25/12/2011 06:44

Flisspaps - It was a Humanist Naming Ceremony, kind of like a Christening, but we combined it with a big family do and threw in some big birthdays and an anniversary too.

I have buckled under pressure and am now having 3 teas, family tea and two tea and cake mornings for different friend groups

OP posts:
jubilee10 · 25/12/2011 07:11

Ds3 is 5 and has not yet had a birthday party. We just get a cake and have a family tea with dh, myself and his brothers. We might have a party when he is 6 but I'm not really into "big fuss."

JanetPlanet · 25/12/2011 07:19

We didnt have a first birthday party for ds. We went on holiday instead. Had dinner with family when we came back.

RedHelenB · 25/12/2011 09:16

relatives & CLOSE friends are all that's necessary until at the least 3rd birthday.

Gigondas · 25/12/2011 09:22

We went on holiday too for dd 1st. Just had gps and sis for 2nd

Flisspaps · 25/12/2011 10:52

Thanks smoggii - hadn't heard the phrase before Smile

lljkk · 25/12/2011 11:58

yanbu, I am so glad I mostly never did such a thing.

I got pressured into having a first-birthday party for DC2; even the gal who pressured me into it said it was pants & too low -key & I needn't have bothered.

I don't really see the point of parties for under 3s unless the adults quite enjoy it.

skybluepearl · 25/12/2011 13:48

while they are young enough, don't bother with big parties seriously

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