Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think parents with very young 'LOUD' children should take them out of a school performance

39 replies

pingu2209 · 16/12/2011 16:17

I am 100% prepared to be shouted down and told I am totally unreasonable - because I actually think I may be being unreasonable.

Yesterday was the school Christmas service at our local church. The school is CofE and has a service at church for Harvest, Easter and Christmas. However, there are a handful of parents with very young (under 3) children who stay in the church even though their children are making a racket.

At Harvest and Christmas you couldn't hear the children giving the reading (even though there were microphones) because of the noise of the children. Basically the parents all sit at the back of the church and couldn't hear the service.

Some young children were screaming and having a tantrum. Others were walking about and being very very noisy.

Now a little children's noise is to be expected - enjoyed even. But ... am I being unreasonable to have expected the parents to take their young child out of church for the sake of the other parents?

OP posts:
2BoysTooLoud · 16/12/2011 16:19

I would probably take mine out. There is a fine line though and everyones 'line' is different!!

ddubsgirl · 16/12/2011 16:19

My kids school parents are asked to take lo out if they are being loud

EndoplasmicReticulum · 16/12/2011 16:19

YANBU. When I was taking a toddler along to things, if he got excessively noisy I'd remove him. I wouldn't let him wander about, either.

The headmaster at my boys' school has been known to ask parents to remove noisy toddlers during school plays.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 16/12/2011 16:21

I don't tend to take my 2 year old DS along to school things as he is quite loud and does have tantrums and it's not fair on everyone performing. However if I did take him and he was loud I wouldn't hesitate to take him out of the hall. YANBU

SenoritaViva · 16/12/2011 16:22

I think it's nice to encourage children to be a part of it (church or performances or whatever) and I think some noise is fine. DD has a loud voice and so will ask things somewhat loudly about what's happening etc. But I agree, a tantrum should be taken elsewhere (DD behaves well because I take toys and bribes and once she got given some chocolate money from the vicar - she's much keener to go to church than me these days!)

Eggrules · 16/12/2011 16:24

Happened at nativity in church last week. The two noisiest children came with parents and extended family members. One newborn cried the whole time. A toddler was running mad all over the church, fell over and put his tooth through his lip - they all still stayed even though he was hurt and screaming. Xmas Confused.

Most of the kids were great though. A few children sang solos and were visibly upset by the racket. There will always be selfish people that put their own needs before everything else.

rubyslippers · 16/12/2011 16:27

Yanbu

Original poster
pingu2209 · 16/12/2011 16:28

Well I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable. The Harvest service was totally ruined (in my opinion) by less than half a dozen mothers who kept their very young children in the church. I thought it was a one off. However, yesterday was the Christmas service and it happened again.

I know the women with the children - not friends but I know them to say hello and a quick chat.

I am surprised that they don't take their children out. I know that it means they miss their elder child's service - but such is life if you have little children. One of the children had a couple of toy jungle animals and was walking up and down the isle shouting and growling. Another one had a screaming tantrum.

OP posts:
BootyMum · 16/12/2011 16:29

YANBU I think...

Agree with Senorita that a little noise from a small child/toddler is acceptable. I mean it's a given really that they will at times speak in a loud voice and need a little shushing from their parent. Or have a minor paddy over being denied a biscuit or somesuch and need a firm word and look from said parent.

However it sounds as if what you are describing was in a completely different league. Imo wandering around and tantrumming is not fair on the performers and audience and these brats children should be taken outside to stretch their legs or to calm down.

Merry Christmas Xmas Smile

DarcieandSnowballsmum · 16/12/2011 16:29

At our school, parents are asked not to bring young children along as ruins things for other parents. If any performances are in school, they have a morning and afternoon performance and only adults are invited to the morning session.

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 16/12/2011 16:32

I went to a friend's wedding in the summer. The wedding vows were drowned out by two young children screaming. I just thought it was sad that their vows, into which so much effort had been put, were inaudible.

callmemrs · 16/12/2011 16:35

Yanbu.
People put a great deal of thought and time into these occasions and they also mean a lot to the people involved and the congregation / audience.
It's utterly selfish if parents allow a child to make a loud noise through it. You simply avoid bringing tiny children to occasions they cannot cope with or you remove them if they disturb it

Kladdkaka · 16/12/2011 16:36

Suffer the children unto him ... or something like that.

If it were a performance in school then I would say YANBU but I feel very strongly that nobody should be excluded from a church. So in this case YABU.

callmemrs · 16/12/2011 16:38

It shouldn't come to people being excluded if the parent is thoughtful enough to realise that their child is causing an unfair disturbance and removes them voluntarily

Eggrules · 16/12/2011 16:48

Noise from children is expected in church. 'Screaming and tantrums' is unacceptable behaviour in church. That type of poor behaviour, is unfair during a nativity/ school performance.

Original poster
pingu2209 · 16/12/2011 16:49

Kladdkaka - that is exactly why I am not sure if I am being unreasonable. It was in church and it is important for everyone to feel wanted and welcome. If this was a disabled young adult or any age - who was making extremely loud noises because of his/her disability would I feel the same? I'm not sure? Church is for everyone, not just the quiet ones.

I am still not sure I am being unreasonable or not. I just wanted to be able to hear the headmaster and vicar and all the little ones doing their readings.

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 16/12/2011 16:49

Ds2 who is 8 had his Carol concert yesterday, they had the whole school on at once and the whole time one or another of the nursery children was crying, noone seemed to care

FioFio · 16/12/2011 16:50

Churches are for people to celebrate in though, and celebrations usually include noise, not just order and perfect performances.

Bert2e · 16/12/2011 16:53

Our school bans children under 4 from performances and offers a creche for them instead so there isn't a problem. With my boys I just used to stuff them with food to keep them quiet or shove a boob in their mouth when they were tiny!

Dozer · 16/12/2011 16:54

This is for the person taking the service to decide, enforce and answer to any unhappy people about.

Most schools, for example, have a policy on things like small DC and cameras.

Sounds like the vicar needs some balls Grin

5Foot5 · 16/12/2011 16:56

YANBU. This sort of thing actually makes me quite cross. Fair enough if there is just a little bit of background noise, but when it is bad enough to drown out the children who are performing or reading then it is really unfair and selfish of the parents.

I know the noisy children might be very young, but some of the kids in the play or whatever might be not much older and it is just not fair on them that their big moment is ruined because their own Mum and Dad can't hear a word they are saying.

LidlDonkey · 16/12/2011 16:58

Noisy or badly behaved children should ALWAYS be taken out. There's no reason why everyone should have the event spoiled just because that one parent doesn't want to miss their child's performance. It's very selfish and one of my great bugbears (along with those who refuse to turn off their mobiles). I blame Thatcher.

5Foot5 · 16/12/2011 16:59

Our school bans children under 4 from performances

Hm! I don't think I would go along with an outright ban because some children of that age can sit still and be quiet some of the time.

I think though it would be in order to have some announcement before hand, like people tend to do nowadays with regard to mobile phones. If it is OK to ask people to turn off their mobiles then surely it is OK to ask that if any children become excessively noisy or disruptive they should be taken out.

callmemrs · 16/12/2011 17:00

Saying the 'church is for everyone' shouldn't just be an excuse for allowing any sort of disturbance however extreme. Surely it's also relevant that a young child who is bored/ upset is not choosing to be in church or actively gaining anything positive from the experience. I doubt they would feel 'excluded' by being taken outside.

crazycrackernanna · 16/12/2011 17:01

I felt sorry for the lady at my grandaughter's school nativity last week. Very young baby crying (I don't think myself a newborn's cry is irritating..but that's me), everyone tutting,and poor mum struggling and hurrying to get her tit out with a red face because everyone was glaring at her Sad

Could not help myself by saying very loudly "Give the poor woman a chance will ya!!!"