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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell neighbour to go swivel!

23 replies

troisgarcons · 16/12/2011 15:46

Well maybe not as bluntly as that!

A bit of background. Single mum, fallen out with Ex-P (again), DS1 is 11 and DS2 is 7 with ADHD, only just diagnosed because the medication isn't properly balanced as yet.

She uses my 16yo for quite a lot of odd jobs, dog walking, baby sitting, house sitting etc when she is away. The 7yo is hard work.

She went away for 4 nights, about 6 weeks ago and left my 16yo house sitting. With her agreement, he had friends to stay. She was totally agreeable. I didn't know he was having his mates over or I probably wouldnt have allowed him to house sit.

She now had her phone bill in. Largely it was one boy who was up all night xboxing and making phone calls to mates who ran it up. She has asked son to ask mate to pay bill - perfectly acceptable in my eyes - but if he doesn't cough up (which he wont as he's at college, not at work) then she thinks I might like to pay it.

Normally I do take the moral high ground and if it has been my son who ra\n it up I probably might have chipped in to the phone bill. I would point out, at Easter time (my 11yo plays with her 11yo) and the wii remote flew out of his hand through her plasma, which was unrepairable. Because she had no house insurance, I bought her a new telly.

In this instance I am quite within my rights to say "You gave permission for these people to be in your house, you take responsibility for it" aren't I? She just thinks I'm a soft touch doesnt she?

OP posts:

PresentsRibbonsAndMerrySantas · 16/12/2011 15:54

to be honest i would not have asked a 16 year old to house sit and then allow his friends to come round as well thats asking for trouble really. no don't pay it, it was not your dc that ran the bill up, tell her to ask his parents for the money for the bill
i don't think yabu

ajandjjmum · 16/12/2011 15:55

It's a big responsibility for a 16 yo to house-sit, but if you are neighbours, couldn't you see that there were other people there - and if you disagreed, intervene?

Original poster

troisgarcons · 16/12/2011 15:59

She has him house sit because she do3esnt like paying for cattery and kennel fees. He's happy enough to do it for 20 quid - and I dread to think what fees would cost.

Neighbour = 15 doors down, other side of the road. At this time of year I dont even see my next door neighbours!

OP posts:

ExpectantMumofLilo · 16/12/2011 16:00

This is crazy.. I assume your son gets paid to do all these odd jobs!

In which case your neighbour was kind enough to allow your son to have friends over and it was his responsibility to bring along friends he trusts not to damage her property/take advantage. In this case your son's friend took liberties and it is your son's responsibiility to pay up if his friend does not.

pingu2209 · 16/12/2011 16:03

I would get the name of the 'mate' from my son, then speak to my neighbour and explain that this is the name of the child's parents and she should speak directly to them.

To be frank I think this is a bit of a grey area. Your son was 'responsible' for the house. He invited his friends, so in my view he was responsible for his friends behaviour.

If his friend/friend's parents won't pay up. My view would be that your son needs to 'work' for free to pay off the debt his friend drew up.

blueemerald · 16/12/2011 16:05

Your neighbour needs to take it up with the boy involved's parents. If you have contact details I would offer them, otherwise keep well out of it and advise your son to do the same.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 16/12/2011 16:07

YANBU - it is up to the boy or his parents to pay out, not you, esp as you didnt even know and wouldnt have allowed for him to housesit with his friends.

What does she expect a bunch of 16 year olds to get up to in her house, she in bonkers to even consider it....she obv isnt a responsible person though if she hasnt even got insurance!

Stand your ground.....how much was the phone bill for? Like you say, she has saved a fortune on cattery fees etc....sometimes the cheapest option isnt always the best!

Icelollycraving · 16/12/2011 16:11

Very tricky predicament. Certainly not swivel worthy!
If the boy does not pay up,then I think your son should. Lesson learned for the future for her & him.

Original poster

troisgarcons · 16/12/2011 16:14

I'm keeping well out of it - but I sit on the fence on this one - if he'd sneaked his friends in and abused her trust that would be one thing. The fact she gave persmission for him to take mates round, sleep over and play the xbox all night makes her responsible in my eyes.

She's also quite erratic in paying him at times.

OP posts:

blueemerald · 16/12/2011 16:20

Your son is not responsible for the actions of another 16 year old boy who had permission to be in the house. If they were somewhere for your son's birthday and his mate punched someone, would your son be responsible because he invited him? Of course not.

I don't agree that she is responsible though. Your son's friend is old enough to know better.

Original poster

troisgarcons · 16/12/2011 16:39

So long as we have established it's not my responsibility!

I'm drip feeding a bit here as the saga is ongoing at the moment.

Transpires she hasn't actually paid him anything in 2 months - so that more than covers the phone bill - she wants him to go up tonight and babysit so she can go out - this is despite saying she has no money to pay him but just did a £700 Christmas shop - and would he mind awfully house sitting over NY and again February for 4 nights so she can go to NY!

Well, I wash my hands, close the thread, because she hasn't learned any lessons at all. More than that if son hasn't learned his lesson on not forever baby-sitting on the never-never then thats a lesson learned all round me'thinks.

OP posts:

LordOfTheFlies · 16/12/2011 16:46

I would be very wary of letting my DC go there to house-sit if she has no house insurance.

What if something gets damaged or he gets injured?

And BTW if I was letting teens in my house the first thing I'd do would be hide the phone.(Make sure they have mobiles of course)

AliBellandthe40jingles · 16/12/2011 16:49

I wouldn't be letting do anymore house sitting or anything until he had been paid!

And I think he should increase his rate. £20? For 4 days??

spiderpig8 · 16/12/2011 17:10

I think your DS (and by default you) are responsible. Your DS invited the lad into this lady's house and is therefore responsibile to her for this boy's actions.
The point is that ops son was supposed to be LOOKING AFTER the house and invited into that house soemone who caused 'damage'
However I would do a set off against the money he is owed

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 17:42

To be totally honest, YABU.

She got your son to house-sit and then let him invite his friends over - that bit was kind of her, she didn't have to do that.

He was responsible for the house - that's what house sitting is for. If he'd wandered off, left the door open, and someone had come in and nicked her TV, you wouldn't have said it was her fault - you'd have said your DS didn't do the job he was being paid to do. Same with the phone bill IMO.

I think at 16 your son is old enough to go after his mate/earn the money to pay for it, though.

flyingspaghettimonster · 16/12/2011 17:58

With the extra info, YANBU to not pay her, instead write a bill for the money owed for son and then remove the amount from the running total.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 16/12/2011 18:01

High hedges make good neighbours.

laptopdancer · 16/12/2011 18:06

I agree your son IS responsible. He was house sitting and should have been responsible and respectful enough to take that seriously and only invite non piss takers over (if anyone) and to actually tell them to stop using the phone.

I agree the other by should pay but if that isnt forthcoming, the buck stops at your son.

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 18:10

If she asked an 18 year old adult then they would be responsible. BUT she asked a 16 year old to house sit, is she nuts? There is no way on earth I would allow a 16 year old to have the run of my house.

If I were the 16 year old's friends parents the one who ran up the bill I'd be asking just what the hell did she think she was playing at allowing a number of 16 year olds into her house unsupervised. You can bet your bottom dollar he told his parents he was stopping at a mates with their parents in situ.

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 18:12

laptop do you know of one 16 year old that you'd trust with your house for four nights?

laptopdancer · 16/12/2011 18:14

Nope, and thats why I wouldnt allow it.

The parent of the 16 year old gave permission so really the onus is on the OP (sorry OP)

Liluri · 16/12/2011 18:17

I'd stop my DS doing anything for her, tbh.
Sounds like more trouble than it's worth all round.

sitandnatter · 16/12/2011 18:21

I think the OP should take some responsibility, I mean letting your 16 year old stop over with mates in an empty house is a recipe for disaster. But if the neighbour gives a minor her keys and permission to let a bunch of lads in also 16, she needs her head testing.

If then when she has saved the money in kennel fees etc. it goes belly up, then the home owner shouldn't have been so daft in the first place.

Two dafties = one disaster.

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