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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to take a full year's maternity leave?

33 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 16/12/2011 13:44

I planned to take 39 weeks.

Whilst pregnant and working I saved like mad so that I could pay my half of the bills but luckily DH has recieved an increase which means I'm now paying 25% v his 75%. He knows I saved up but is happy to pay his increased amount and has told me to keep it just incase we need it for something.

I'm on SMP and we don't have a lavish lifestyle but get by.

I've been budgeting really well and up to now I've not had to touch my savings - except for Christmas and I plan to use some on a family holiday next year.

If, and it's a big touch wood if, things continue as they are ... I may be able to cover my share of the bills in the remaining weeks when SMP stops and I would be going back to work. We'd like for me to work part-time (if feasable) and are very very lucky that family have offered childcare as/when we need it.

Am I being unfair to him as we'd have more money if I go back to work or will it be good for our baby for me to be at home for nearly all of the first year?

I want to discuss it with him - and I'm sure he'll support me either way - but just wondered if I'm being unreasonable to keep the family income low so that I can stay at home with baby for the full 52 weeks?

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 16/12/2011 13:58

I expect your baby would quite like the idea too.

bagelmonkey · 16/12/2011 14:01

YANBU.
If you can afford to not work for a bit longer, why wouldn't you?

CailinDana · 16/12/2011 14:01

TBH at under a year I think it makes very little difference to the baby. But I think it is totally worth it for you, if that's what you want. That first year will never come around again, and in my book being there for it is worth any amount of money. My family would have a lot more money if I went back to work but my DH is happy for me to stay at home. I don't think it's unfair on him at all.

Flisspaps · 16/12/2011 14:01

You are not being unreasonable if it's what you want, and you and your DH can afford it. Having a low income isn't the same as not being able to afford to live.

If you couldn't afford it, or you were doing it because you thought you 'should' and not because you wanted to, that would be different.

It certainly won't hurt to discuss it with him, DH might be very happy that you want to spend more time at home with your baby :)

Grumpla · 16/12/2011 14:03

If you can afford it and it's what you want, what's the problem?

If you can't really afford it and it means a significant sacrifice from both of you, then you will have to negotiate - so start talking to him

TimothyClaypoleLover · 16/12/2011 14:42

I intend to take the full year off work as well. This is my second pregnancy and took full year last time round. Nothing beats being at home with your baby.

naturalbaby · 16/12/2011 14:49

i took a year off with ds1 and while there's no way i would have wanted to go back any sooner, i found it really hard because of the stage he was at developmentally. he was more aware of what was going on and i had spent pretty much every minute of every day with him up till then so it was hard on both of us. you could get your baby used to you being away longer with who ever is going to look after him/her when you do go back to work though.

they are only little and at home for such a short length of time, i wanted to make the most of it and be around for as much as possible (so am now a sahm!)

outsidein · 16/12/2011 14:54

YANBU! Do it!
I had to go back when my DS was 6 months old this time, and it's been horrible. I'd give anything to have been able to stay at home a little longer. Take as long as you can.

Original poster

Newmummytobe79 · 16/12/2011 15:08

Thanks for all the positive comments - I just need to discuss with DH now :)

OP posts:

EssentialFattyAcid · 16/12/2011 15:10

If I didn't work then although we would have less money, dp would have a lot less to do around the house and a less stressed partner.

Would this also be true for you an your dh?

Original poster

Newmummytobe79 · 16/12/2011 15:14

100% EssentialFattyAcid!

I don't enjoy housework one jot but I'm doing most of it now to be honest (except the cooking - I think he's relieved about this )

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 16/12/2011 15:21

I took a year. It's really nice. Remember you will have been accumulating annual leave whilst you're off I expect. Most employers like you to take that as a block before you go back properly - mine certainly insists on it (NHS) Therefore I actually had about 13 months off. You could set your return date for say 11 months and take your annual leave meaning you have a year off but the last 4 weeks or so is paid. That will be accrued and paid at your full time rate too.

callmemrs · 16/12/2011 15:48

If it's affordable and it really matters to you to take off a year then go for it. If it will put you under a lot of financial strain it's probably not worth it.

From the childs point of view, tbh it either makes no difference or if anything, it would be easier to settle in childcare at a slightly younger age. Developmentally around a year is a difficult age to start leaving a child from the attachment perspective. So I think you need to look at it from how you and your dh feel rather than worrying about the child. If it makes you feel any better, my dc1 settled with no problem at 3 months, dc2 took a little while at 6 months, and friends of mine who don't leave their children until 1,2 years or older have sometimes had real difficulty with getting the child to settle.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 16/12/2011 16:10

On the other hand not all children are difficult to settle after a year. I put my DD into nursery 4 days a week after 13 months when I went back to work and she settled immediately.

kdiddy · 16/12/2011 16:14

I agree with northernlurker

I'm taking 12 months but the last 7 weeks will actually be as paid holiday rather than maternity leave, so I actually only have 5 weeks unpaid in all. Which is much more manageable.

If you can afford to do it, why not. You won't get a medal for going back to work earlier, and you're hardly likely to look back on your life and regret taking a little more time with your baby!

ledkr · 16/12/2011 16:35

im just coming to the end of my year,its been a slight struggle but we managed and its been good for dd1 as well as the baby,You will never get that time back so go for it,

brandysoakedbitch · 16/12/2011 16:45

Agreed that you never get the time back. I wouldn't worry about your husband I imagine he will be more than happy for you to stay at home for a while longer. I also think it matters not when you put a child into childcare, some settle well and some take a little longer and from your perspective it is always hard to leave them for the first few times. I really hope you take as long as you want, I bet you don't regret it one bit.

hairytaleofnewyork · 16/12/2011 16:45

Surely this is a matter for discussion between you and your partner, to weigh up the financial position and to agree between you.

BleurghUna · 16/12/2011 17:01

I did it twice, never regretted it. If you can afford it then go for it. You won't get another opportnity to stay off for a whole year and still get your old job back.
And there's plenty of time to start looking for childminders, nurseries etc without any feeling of pressure so when you do go back you will feel more relaxed about it. (a bit).
Hopefully your baby will be sleeping through and so you'll have a bit more energy when you do go back.
Only downside I can think of was remembering how to do my job (!) but it didn't take that long to get back to speed.

3inABIRDsnest · 16/12/2011 17:05

take a year. no question. howon earth could it be unfair to your dh? you are lokng after his child, it's not like you're sitting around doing nothing!

mynewpassion · 16/12/2011 17:21

It would only be unfair if you guys can't afford it. If money isn't an issue, then most mothers would take ML for as long as possible.

Alligatorpie · 16/12/2011 17:30

In Canada we are given one year mat leave ( reduced salary, but better than nothing). I can't imagine taking less time than that. It was hard enough to leave my dd at 1 year.
I am pregnant now and due in June. Because I am now a teacher, it works out that I will get 14 months. I can't wait! Unfortunately I work in an international school overseas, so there is not pay, but at least dh's salary is high enough that we can manage. I would take longer if I could, the year I had with dd was fantastic, I truly loved it.

HappyCamel · 16/12/2011 17:41

What do you mean "I pay x%, he pays x%"? You are married, your wedding vows included promising to give everything to each other. You should decide, jointly, if you can afford it (and it sounds like you can) and if it's what you both want. If so, go for it.

eurochick · 16/12/2011 18:12

My wedding vows certainly didn't include us promising to give everything to each other! I don't know what ceremony you had...

nightowlmostly · 16/12/2011 19:05

I too find the whole idea of having to work more while pregnant so you can pay 'your share' of the bills a little bit odd. Surely when you are married all your money is for the family unit, therefore the only issue should be whether you have enough between you to cover everything. That's how we work it anyway, and even if we didn't, there is no way that DH would countenance me working overtime or whatever it was, to ensure I could afford to take time off to look after our baby. Did he save to make this time easier for you both too, or was it just you saving for 'your' time off? seems very strange to me.

In answer to your question, YANBU if it won't break the bank! We had this same argument discussion recently, and we are just going to see how it goes and decide when we have to depending on our finances at the time.

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