For not spending loads on boyfriend at Christmas?

[SydneyLa]

Been with boyfriend for about 3 years. This will be our 3rd christmas together. He's always been notoriously tight with money, he practically runs to the reduced ailse when we go shopping and has been known to literally barge his way through people to get the cheapest stuff. Everytime he buys me anything (which until recently has been rare) he will immediately tell me he only bought me it because it was reduced (a dying orchid springs to mind!). And every Christmas/Birthday he's insisted that we have a "budget" on what to spend on each other and this rarely tops £15 (his idea, not mine).
Anyway a few weeks ago he got a big back payment from tax or something and has become a bit odd about christmas. He's bought me loads. The thing is, I just can't afford to do that. I bought him something I knew he really wanted that cost about £25 and am buying him some coffee syrups (about £10) but I want to stop at that. Every other year he's been happy to be "tight" with my presents and now he's got this payment I'm feeling under pressure to match what he's bought me. He is the kind of person who will compare what he's spent on me compared to what I've spent on him.

AIBU to think "tough shit"? I really can't be arsed with it. He's hinted at wanting me to buy him some Joop and that would be another £25.

AIBU to just buy him what I've already planned and think if he doesn't like it, tough? I have told him not to spend loads on me but he chose to anyway.

why dont you just say, look i cant afford to buy you lots so i wont, i dont want all these gifts but will accept them as long as you are sure you dont mind that it will not be rociprictaed.

i cant spell today and i dont care

What decent qualities does he have? As I am not seeing much here that would keep me with someone for three months, never mind three years.

This is also my third Christmas with bf. I have always splashed out on him on various occasions and to date he's given me one shitty cheap bracelet for this years birthday and then some selfridges gift vouchers for last Xmas- lovely but he's never let me forget. So this year im not planning on my usual splurge, in fact I haven't even got him anything yet. Will prob just get him some £25 aftershave. He says he's got me something 'meaningful' this year, probably some tampax knowing him. I say you stick to what you got, he got the big bonus not you and he clearly owes you some non reduced gifts!

Going on past behaviour and agreements YANBU. His circumstances changed, yours haven't. You've bought thoughtful gifts. That in itself should be enough. Money doesn't equal love and if he thinks it does then he's a fool.

I wouldn't get him anything as I don't like the sound of him

I would do what fuzzynavel suggests.

He's not going to know what you got him until christmas day is he? So why is he dropping hints. For all he knows you have got him some ridiculouly extravagent pressie that he has to match!

BTW I spent about the same on my DP this year as you have. If he wants to spend more on my that is his (very lovely) choice.

It's not about the presents, surely?

I've spent £40 on DP, which is a lot for us but it's something he's mentioned several times over the last year and I know he'll really like it prays he doesn't snoop my MN this afternoon because I want it to be a suprise

For his birthday the first year we were together, I cleared out some space in my bedroom so that he could keep spare stuff here for when he visited. I then spend a couple of quid buying him a razor and a toothbrush to keep here, and maybe a tenner or so on a bathrobe because he looks really silly in my fluffy one

I have him in my life, that's quite enough of a present for me ta

bellabells it's an engagement ring!

Agree with squeaky - do you really want to be with someone this mean with their money - fine if he genuinely doesn't have a lot but he really doesn't sound that 'nice' if he compares what you've each spent on each other - my DH and I don't spend huge amounts but we get what each other wants ie: DH is into quite expensive hobbies so he has some sort of gadget, I am more than happy with posh bubble bath - I don't equate happiness with how much money is spent.

Bellabells - hope you chuck it back at him.

Well he also said he had got me a 'vintage something special' for my birthday this year, he even told my mum... It was the tacky bracelet. I'm sure I saw it in primark. If it's tampax I'll tell him to shove them up his... Or I'll do it for him! I've hinted for a ring until I'm blue, I'll be lucky to get a haribo gummy one