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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

3yr old eating with a knife and fork

26 replies

farewellfigure · 15/12/2011 15:24

My DS is 4 in March. He has a healthy appetite and eats most things so meal times are mostly fun and happy. We're going to stay with the inlaws over Christmas and my DH is turning meal times into a battleground as DS hasn't mastered the art of using a knife properly. DH is panicking that the inlaws will be shocked.

Surely he's still a bit young to be using cutlery completely perfectly? Yes, I agree that picking up things with his fingers is a bit sticky, but he mostly uses his fork OK for this and does well with encouragement. He just hasn't quite got the hang of pushing stuff on to the fork with his knife so he'll sometimes use his fingers instead (baked beans and peas etc!!).

Anyway, this really is pretty minor stuff but I'd be interested in what other people's kids can manage. Thanks.

OP posts:
minimisschief · 15/12/2011 15:26

Oours still cannot talk at 4 lol. tell him to chill. Ours doesnt use a knife either although he does like to try

TheLaminator · 15/12/2011 15:34

Our ds is 3 & 20 months uses fork or spoon mostly, knife sometimes put out for him to try, but dont expect too much, hel get it eventually. He prefares to use his fingerts for everything! Were not too fussed as long as he eats (most of the time) and enjoys. He see sees us eating with cutlery, thats the most important thing i thinks, they`ll copy you when it becomes easier for them to hold. Try not to stress, its no-one elses business & you shouldnr feel pressure for you lil one to perform.

knockneedandknackered · 15/12/2011 15:40

if it helps does your toddler use small knifes and folks bring them to the xmas dinner with you. And tell your partner not to make a big issue so it dosent knock his confidence.

squeakytoy · 15/12/2011 15:43

I am 42 and still struggle to get peas on a fork .. and will happily eat my meals without using a knife if I can!

Tell Dh to stop worrying.. unless he was an exceptional child himself at that age, he wouldnt have been perfect with a knife and fort either, and his parents will know that.

FestiveFriedaWassailsAgain · 15/12/2011 15:45

DS is almost three. I don't routinely give him a knife yet but he sometimes asks for one, he has a try with it. DD is 4 and mostly does ok with a knife.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 15/12/2011 15:48

DD is nearly 4 and a whizz with a fork and a spoon. She'll have a good try with a knife but isn't really there yet and mostly says she doesn't want one.

She uses proper cutlery but a smaller version

I wouldn't expect too much of them at this age, as long as they're trying and not shovelling it in with their hands.

girlywhirly · 15/12/2011 16:00

My 3yo could manage to cut soft things like fish with his knife, and use it to push food onto his fork, but cutting something like a rasher of bacon would have been beyond his ability.

You do have to be a bit pro-active in teaching the use of cutlery, just watching isn't enough. We used to put the knife and fork in DS' hands, with our hands over his to give him an idea of how to use them, what it felt like to cut up food for himself. Not the whole meal long, just to demonstrate and then ask him to have a go, and praise successes. The rest is lots of practice.

MabelLucyAttwell · 15/12/2011 16:03

I shouldn't worry about it but if you really are worried about the standards your ILs think you have, would you be able to surreptitiously cut up the food when they are not looking? It might make it look 'cleaner', anyway.

mrsravelstein · 15/12/2011 16:04

ds2 is 4 in feb. he is capable of using a knife and fork pretty competently but that's mainly because he went through a stage when he was little of not wanting to touch food, so he kind of forced himself to master K&F in order to eat his toast and marmite. these days he only ever uses a fork though, and i cut up his food for him.

ds1 took ages to learn to use a knife, but as with pretty much everything else GPs and inlaws decide to worry about, all kids end up able to do it sooner or later so don't stress.

mrsravelstein · 15/12/2011 16:05

oh, and i give him a teaspoon for rice, peas etc

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 15/12/2011 16:18

I think it is normal to not be perfect at this age, DD is younger and certainly can't do it yet.

A teaspoon is handy for peas etc if you need less mess!

AliBellandthe40jingles · 15/12/2011 16:21

DS1 is 3.5 and he can cut some things, some of the time.

He is very good with a spoon and fork, and we do put a knife out for him (he has his own little stainless steel set) which he uses some of the time.

ceebie · 15/12/2011 16:30

Tell your DH to let your DS develop at his own rate and not be pushing him because he is worried what others will think. Poor child. It's not even about what other 3 year olds can or can't manage. Every child develops different skills at different rates. Let DS develop at his own pace. YANBU.

mummymccar · 15/12/2011 16:33

When I was a TA I once showed a 4 year old how to use his knife. When I'd finished I went round the entire table and showed every child because none of them knew. Tell your DH not to worry!

RitaMorgan · 15/12/2011 16:39

Maybe give him a fork and spoon if he can't use a knife? I'd be quite strict about not using fingers at that age to be honest.

MollyTheMole · 15/12/2011 17:37

What a weird thing for your Dh to panic about. Are his parents royalty or someting?

Anyway, my DS is nearly three and still doesnt use a fork alot of the time (he prefers a spoon or if the food is a bit drier he still uses his fingers). I doubt he'll be using a knife at 4. As I rarely use a knife myself I wont be giving it a second thought.

liveinazoo · 15/12/2011 17:44

mine all use forks,spoons and fingers if hungry and cant scoff it down quickly enough with a knifeXmas Blushthey do try but i not worried.sounds like dh problem not kidsXmas Grin

architien · 15/12/2011 18:00

Oooo I like that cutlery set. My little monster is 2.5 years and I want him to graduate from those half metal half rubber baby forks and spoons.

ErnesttheBavarian · 15/12/2011 18:00

quick hijack - help me out here pls people, as will show ds this. just had row with ds over using his knife and fork. scrambled egg for dinner - explained to ds that scrambled egg on toast, or beans on toast is not finger food. After 3 ds all doing same thing I get v cross. AIBU? Ds are 8, 10 and 12 btw.

They honestly thing I am BU asking them to use cutlery. WTF is that about? Tell my ds, aged 12 that xyz on toast isn't bloody finger food!

So OP, I'd give 4 yr old ds a bit of leeway, but not 8 years worth.

ErnesttheBavarian · 15/12/2011 18:02

sorry, misread, he's only 3, give him a break, and a spoon.

liveinazoo · 15/12/2011 18:04

i fold toast in half and eat scrambled egg in the middle so thats a finger food to me eaten like thatXmas Blush.how the hell do you eat beans oin toast as finger food

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 15/12/2011 18:06

My seven year old can't manage a knife. He can read Dickens but he can't cut chicken.
Meh. Who cares?

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 15/12/2011 18:08

My 7 year old isn't great with cutlery either, though we are working on it at the moment. Your H is being a knob, though, tell him to back off.

muminthecity · 15/12/2011 18:11

My DD is 6 and still struggles to use a knife properly Blush
She is very advanced in other ways though, and doing brilliantly at school!

Halbanoo · 15/12/2011 18:19

My Ds (4 in Jan) still only eats mostly with fork and spoon-- although tbh he eats a lot of finger foods...sandwiches, apples,etc.

It doesn't bother me in the least that his knife skills are less than stellar. Then again we're American and haven't quite understood the necessity of knives for everything here--but that's another story Blush