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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be offended that the church would not put my son into the nativity because he has a language disorder

45 replies

pingu2209 · 14/12/2011 14:19

Pretty much says it all in the title. My 8 year old has a language disorder - we go to church regularly but the person running this year's Christmas Eve nativity won't put my son into the nativity because he would 'struggle' to do it.

I hasten to add that his friend who has Asbergers is a King and all the parts are non speaking.

I am really offended by their attitude.

OP posts:

MrsHankey · 14/12/2011 17:19

YANBU, DS nativity had a girl with a speech disorder in a speaking part, & it didn't matter one bit, was very pleased that they were so inclusive.

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 14/12/2011 17:19

Nasty. Everyone should take part if they want. Poor DS :(

FlangelinaBallerina · 14/12/2011 17:22

If I were you, I'd speak calmly to the person organising, explain your feelings and say that you feel your son needs to be given a part- as Grimma points out, there's always room for another shepherd. His language will not be an issue, and you will be making a formal complaint to the church about discrimination if the situation persists.

Susanne, that's an unhelpful and dare I say it fucking stupid comment. I'm rather secular myself- see previous posting history. But the idea that atheists have inherently better attitudes about disability than Christians is utterly baseless, and frankly offensive. Also wrong. I have a disabled sister, and some of the people who've given her the most help and acceptance in her life have been Christians.

AnotherMincepie · 14/12/2011 17:27

You need to talk to the vicar, not just mention it to his wife!

QuintessentiallyFestive · 14/12/2011 17:28

There is no room at the Inn .... It is not a very Christian spirit, at Christmas, to refuse a child a part in a play that they want to take part in. It is sad.

There should be some consequences to this.

BalloonSlayer · 14/12/2011 17:42

YANBU but you do realise that complaining to the Vicar's wife expecting her to do something about it, is like complaining to your car mechanic's wife and expecting her to bleed your brakes for you.

She is his WIFE not his secretary or his assistant.

GrimmaTheNome · 14/12/2011 17:45

Vicars' wives are always expected to be unpaid curates [wonder if that applies to vicars' husbands ... bet not!] but you're right, the OP needs to take this up with the organiser.

slavetofilofax · 14/12/2011 17:49

Why in the world would you come across badly just because you want your son to be included in something that is organised for the children [confused

This is why I don't like organised religion.

If they hold it against you because you push for your child not to be excluded, then it says a lot more about your church community than it says about you, and I would start to question if being so involved in a community that would treat you badly is good for you or your son.

PigletJohn · 14/12/2011 17:52

"I collared the vicars wife on the high street"

I didn't have much luck when I had a go at my bank manager's husband, either.

hocuspontas · 14/12/2011 17:58

There should be a part for as many children who want one, even at this late stage. And even if he did 'struggle' so what? Go on op, get in there!

DeWe · 14/12/2011 18:33

Have you come across Churches for All? www.churchesforall.org.uk/

They're a group dedicated to integrating "disabilities" in the church. I suggest you contact them and ask for a nice package to present to them. You might even get them to come and give a talk. They're a really nice bunch.

mumofthreekids · 14/12/2011 18:43

Last year, there was a child at my daughter's pre-school who has a rare disorder which means he couldn't talk at all even though he was 4 at the time. The staff made him the lead role (king) in the nativity play - he had a sceptre and pointed it at various angels who then spoke the lines for him. He was so chuffed to have such an important part, it literally brought a tear to my eye!

I think you should push (politely!) for your son to be included.

Tabliope · 14/12/2011 18:44

That's really sad. I feel for him. I'd find another church. If you don't say something and get him included he'll feel rotten but if you do push it it won't go down well in the church community. Is there not one person at that church with a shred of Christianity in the true sense of the word that can see this is not on? Unbelievable the vicar's wife is passing the buck.

madangelhairday · 14/12/2011 18:53

YANBU.

It might well be a misunderstanding, but very odd in any case. What is this church nativity - a word perfect Shakespearean Production? When we do our crib services they're a free for all with dozens of little angels, shepherds, wise men et al plus inevitably the odd Spiderman and Alien, and of course any children not dressed as anything are invited to be part of it as well. And that's how it should be. Open to all.

I would talk to the organiser more, explain how you feel. If she's arsey, I'd be taking it further, but she has no reason whatsoever to be.

Re all the comments about 'this is why I hate church' etc, this is one church, one situation - are you basing your hatred on this as opposed to the thousands who have a nice happy time with their nativity and get their inclusivity right?

YABU though OP to collar the vicar's wife. What is it to do with her?

AnotherMincepie · 14/12/2011 19:07

Slavetofilofax this just reflects on the organiser, it's not a good representation of church. Anyway this sounds like disorganised religion to me, judging by the lack of communication

Kladdkaka · 14/12/2011 19:20

What is Asbergers?

Esta3GG · 14/12/2011 19:28

My son and his class were nearly thrown out of a Church by a churchwarden. Their crime? Being severely disabled and making noises

Yeah we had this - a group of kids with CP. All of the congregation were giving us shitty looks too.
Self-righteous, compassionless idiots.

OP - this is obviously unacceptable and you must challenge it on every level.
Go up the food chain and write to the Bishop.

LemonDifficult · 14/12/2011 19:31

YANBU. Many times over.

FWIW I imagine that the vicar's wife and the woman doing the show are feeling bad about it and one more word from you will have them welcoming him in. I hope they're feeling bad about it.

GrimmaTheNome · 14/12/2011 19:32

A typo, I'd imagine.

MumOf3 - lovely example of how a little imagination can make such a difference. (I think they might have nicked the idea off Star Trek )

thanksamillion · 14/12/2011 20:01

YANBU but it does sound like perhaps the organiser made a mistake and tried to cover for herself by using your son's language disorder. Can you speak to her again? Or perhaps to the Vicar (not his wife). It doesn't sound like this was a deliberate thing so I think it could probably be resolved fairly easily.

Churches are generally pretty inclusive but they are also made up of all kinds of people who take on volunteer roles often without much or any training and so mistakes are made. The mark of the church will be whether they can resolve this with you.

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