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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to see DC open their presents?

34 replies

letmehelp · 14/12/2011 12:42

Last time we spent Christmas with PILs it did not go well.

I had 16 people in my small terraced house including my SIL's PILs, as her DH is an only child....I was trying to be nice!

Anyway the actual cooking was fine and not too stressful, but naturally, I needed to spend a fair amount of time popping in and out of the kitchen.

MIL took charge of DCs and their presents (were 1 & 3 at the time) and I missed seeing them open their main presents. I did ask her to wait for me (only a few minutes) but "it wasn't fair to make them wait". They would have been quite happy with some paper for a bit.

In my family presents are opened one at a time and we all enjoy seeing what others have received etc, DH is used to more of a scrum and I'm not sure which is right, but it can't be unreasonable to want to see my DCs open their presents surely?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2011 12:45

YANBU at all

It's your house and your family so insist upon it this time.

AdditionMultiplication · 14/12/2011 12:46

Yanbu

mrsjay · 14/12/2011 12:46

yanbu , id leave the dinner and watch your DC open presents , its all very well entertaining and making a lovely lunch for everybody but its not fair you missing out , stop what you doing and watch them opening presents , I dont do the mass scrum though my 2 alway s open a present at a time ,

calamityboo · 14/12/2011 12:47

each family has their own very wierd way of doing xmas and every ones xmas is odd to you (my sil wont open her gifts until evening WTF???) hide the main presents until you are ready and give them to dc yourself in your own time (tell mil to go mix something and see how she likes to miss stuff) them you will get to see them opening them.

belledechocchipcookie · 14/12/2011 12:50

It's rather mean of your mil to do this. I'd stick her in the kitchen this year.

Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2011 12:51

YANBU. Presents should always be opened when everyone is, er, present!

It might be useful to set a specific time for this so that everyone knows what will happen and when. Ideally, don't wait until the more crucial parts of the dinner need attention but equally, don't be a slave in the kitchen. Nobody will die of starvation if they have to wait half an hour.

With the exception of stocking presents, the rest are opened to coincide with elevenses. Everyone is up and about and happy to sit down with a coffee (or something stronger) and enjoy the exchange of gifts. Children are perfectly capable of waiting - especially since they've had the stocking stuff already - and the younger they are, the more easily distracted by bits of paper and the like!

So stick to your guns here. You expect to be there when your children open their main present. End of.

Pandemoniaa · 14/12/2011 12:52

Meant to say that "in our family...the rest are opened to coincide with elevenses" !

5Foot5 · 14/12/2011 13:01

YANBU I would have been furious. Then again my MIL would never do anything like that.

Now DD is older we go for a "one at a time" approach, more or less, over breakfast. But breakfast is 11ish because we go to church first.

However, when DD was little we didn't make her wait until then instead we all would troop in to her bedroom and watch her open her pressies first thing

valiumredhead · 14/12/2011 13:03

This is why presents should be opened in bed with mum and dad at 4am 7am!

mrsjay · 14/12/2011 13:06

pffft@ 4am id tell them santa was stuck in a traffic jam valiumredhead I think the earliest mine got up was about 7 i can remember my little sister getting up at 3am once and my stepdad stayed up with her , an hour earlier him and my mum had been arguing over a babrbie horsebox

Rhubarbgarden · 14/12/2011 13:06

Yanbu. Rather selfish of your MIL to do that.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/12/2011 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

letmehelp · 14/12/2011 13:08

I was furious very upset 5foot5 and MIL heard me telling DH so - "she's never felt so unwelcome anywhere" which is why they haven't been back, but she seems to have got over it after 7 years

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 14/12/2011 13:08

It was a joke mrsjay there is no WAY we would be opening presents at 4am although I do know someone who did as their kids were up so early! NO present opening until 7am in Valium Towers and it is always done in bed so as to stay nice and cosy :)

halcyondays · 14/12/2011 13:08

Yanbu, your MIL was very very unreasonable to do that.

Floggingmolly · 14/12/2011 13:11

The "right" way to do it is the way you decide, it's your bloody house. The nerve of her, undermining you like that. Sound like Christmas could get a little tense!

izzywhizzysmincepies · 14/12/2011 13:12

YAdefiniteyNBU

Chez izzy trays of hot canapes are ferried in from the kitchen and the assembled company, including the cook, toasts Saint Nick with a glass of Buck's Fizz or plain fizz before any presents are opened. This can be a lengthy process as we each take turns to unwrap one gift at a time and thank the giver before proceeding to open more loot.

If your dh isn't prepared to 'do it your way' and you suspect that your MIL may once again rudely deprive you of the pleasure at watching your dc unwrap their gifts, perhaps you could give them their main presents before your guests arrive or save them for later in the day?

ChristinedePizanne · 14/12/2011 13:13

Yes, everyone does Xmas differently but when you're in someone else's home, you do it their way don't you? That's polite.

(say I who is hosting Xmas for the 2nd time this year for my family and not daring to deviate from my mother's tried and tested way of doing turkey even though I would like to do something different )

ilovesprouts · 14/12/2011 13:16

my ds2 has nothing to open yet gonna be skint i only have enough cash for food and gas and electric ,i have meaters :(

shinyrobot · 14/12/2011 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovesprouts · 14/12/2011 15:34

hes five but has sn but ill go without some food so ill get him something at least

SantasENormaSnob · 14/12/2011 16:06

Yanbu at all.

I would be livid tbh.

DeckTheHallsWithPopcornMice · 14/12/2011 16:18

So.... this AIBU is 7 years old?

OhThisIsJustGrape · 14/12/2011 16:24

This is why, for the last 3 years, we have had our Christmas dinner on Christmas eve

Not everyones idea of a traditional Christmas but I have spent every Christmas day in the kitchen, missing all the fun. I was sick of rushing off after the children had opened their stockings to go and put the bloody turkey in the oven, when all I really wanted to do was play with them and their new toys.

Now I cook for lunchtime on Christmas eve, we make it just like Christmas day with the table all set etc, then in the afternoon I cook chipolatas, gammon etc so all I have to do on Christmas day is boil some potatoes and mash them . Everyone is happy with cold meats etc, I'm happy as I get to spend all day with the children.

Everyones a winner!

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 14/12/2011 16:37

YANBU I'd be really upset if I missed it.

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