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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when one of the DC is off school sick?

40 replies

Sparklingbaubles · 14/12/2011 08:27

DS has been up half the night and is feeling horrible this morning. He's 12 so he doesn't need my constant attention or anything, in fact he's gone back to bed.

Didn't have anything I needed to do particuarly today, but I will just feel mithered all day.

Done the dreaded school phone call to the 'attendance line', and will now worry about his 2nd day off sick this term because of all the attendance targets.

I think some of this comes from my Dad really frowning on me having days off sick as a child. He told me I was 'putting it on' and I turned out to have Chicken Pox. Sad

OP posts:
MudAndGlitter · 14/12/2011 08:29

My dad told me I was putting it on and I ended up hospitalised with quinsy, having an access on my tonsil drained and of he'd left it later wouldn't have been able to breathe! Dads! Grin

2 days off can't make much difference surely? Would they rather he was in school giving his germs to the teachers and other kids?

MudAndGlitter · 14/12/2011 08:29

Oh and YANBU! I hate the DCs being ill as I'm a crap nursemaid

Original poster
Sparklingbaubles · 14/12/2011 08:33

Thanks Mud. It just makes me feel down for some reason.

There's lots I can get on with-it's just I would rather he didn't miss school.

OP posts:
MudAndGlitter · 14/12/2011 08:34

It's the last week so I doubt they'd be doing much. Or you could be mean and print a couple of worksheets off Grin

Original poster
Sparklingbaubles · 14/12/2011 08:36

Actually Mud when it snowed or there was a TED day my Dad used to set us work if we couldn't go to school. Shock

You are right I don't think they are doing much. When he surfaces I may suggest doing a bit of homework. Grin

OP posts:
ben5 · 14/12/2011 08:37

Don't mind it to much if it's ds1, unless it was like last time when we spent the day/night in hospital with asthma.
ds2 if ill almost always ends up in hospital when he's poorly( heart problems which relate to weakened lungs etc!)

marriedandwreathedinholly · 14/12/2011 08:37

You should hate it for the reason that your ds is unwell and feels dreadful and you would rather he didn't. He can't help, its justified absence, it's been a very long term and everyone is exhausted and probably learning little at this stage. The school would much prefer a sick child to be at home rather than at school spreading germs to the staff other children just before Christmas.

At 12 I have let mine have a day off when they are exhausted and/or behind with homework. Does no harm.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 14/12/2011 08:37

If they are ill they are ill. My mum is a GP and she used to keep us at home if we were poorly, just a snuffle though and we were packed off to school.
She used to keep it boring though so that there wasn't much lure to do it again if we were pulling a fast one Smile

cory · 14/12/2011 08:37

YANBU.

Dd has been off sick for weeks (painful chronic condition+ complete breakdown caused by same condition). I have no hope of getting her in before Christmas and she has given up: she spends her whole days huddled under blankets crying. She has had 8 years of this and she says she doesn't want this life any more. The condition is incurable and she knows it. She is 15 and in her first GCSE year. She has kept up with her studies and is predicted As but she says she's had enough,. And adult life is just round the corner: for a child who hasn't managed a reasonable school attendance since she was 7. I'm not sure I want this life either.

KittyFane · 14/12/2011 08:40

Oh sparkling, you aren't really worried about attendance targets are you? (hmm)

Didn't have anything I needed to do particuarly today, but I will just feel mithered all day. is this the real problem?

KittyFane · 14/12/2011 08:42

cory your story is very different to OP's. I'm so sorry for your DD.

Original poster
Sparklingbaubles · 14/12/2011 08:42

I am so sorry cory and ben. I feel awful now bemoaning DS1's second day off in a term when obviously there are situations where you would dearly love your Dc to have the 'odd day' off sick.

Come to think of it married it has been a v. long term and both DS are exhausted. He is upstairs asleep now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklingbaubles · 14/12/2011 08:45

I know Kitty. I just get all stressy when the boys have to have days off. I think it is about the attendance targets and him missing stuff. I know he's not well enough to go in so it's bizarre to feel like this. Confused

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 14/12/2011 08:54

YANBU

I hate it if they're ill. Especially if I have to stay home from work. I'm lucky though because they attend the school I work in so, unless they're really ill, I can park them in the school sick room and they can be in bed and watch films/read book all day there instead of at home.

KittyFane · 14/12/2011 08:56

Don't worry about targets sparkling 2 days off is perfectly reasonable. :)

cory · 14/12/2011 08:57

Don't worry sparkling, I did say YANBU; I can fully understand your feelings. I hated the first days off sick too.

There is a lot of stress about this: my GP once said that schools simply have no idea of what a normal sickness pattern for young children looks like, successive governments have encouraged them to treat something that is perfectly normal as a problem. And a consultant in immunology I once spoke to said very much the same thing. The constant focus on targets means we are problematising something that is a normal part of childhood.

To me, it sounds as if your ds is simply tired and needs time to recuperate and that's nothing to be ashamed of. Let him have a lovely duvet day.

sorry about the hi-jack anyway; that just spilled out

Kayano · 14/12/2011 08:58

I fell over as a kid and broke my right hand

I told my mum an was told off for 'putting it on' and sent to school. Writing was agony (I was 8 or 9?) and I told her every day.

It was only 1.5 WEEKS later when we went setee shopping and I sat on a white leather chair that she suddenly shouted that my hand ha turned black and why didn't I tell her! Hmm

I think I was very blunt with her. Grin after that though I only hadto cough for a day off lol

fannybanjo · 14/12/2011 08:59

YANBU. If it is DD1 (9) I'd be running for the hills by 9.05am as she's a nightmare. However DD2 (4) been sick in the night and is off school today and is the perfect patient! We are currently snuggled on sofa watching Tangled. However I have had to cancel plans with DH (clay pigeon shooting for his birthday) and every time DH and I make rare plans, one of the kids is ill - now THAT gets my goat. Hmm.

Imnotaslimjim · 14/12/2011 09:00

M7 Ds is on his 4th dauy off in a fortnight. Week before last he ad flu and simply slept for 5 days (2 of those we're weekend though) and this morning he has woken and vomited across his bedroom. I don't give a stuff about targets tbh, but if they want to complain I'll send him in sick and let him pass it on to the others, see how their targets cope then!

manicinsomniac · 14/12/2011 09:16

At 12 I have let mine have a day off when they are exhausted and/or behind with homework. Does no harm.

I agree that it does no harm to the child but, apart from people who are SAHMs, I think it's unreasonable because of the adult missing work.

I have an unnatrually low tolerance for people missing work and it is something I'm working on but I do think that some people take the piss a bit. I resent covering a colleague's lesson only to be told when they come back that "Oh, 8 year old was rather tired so we had a duvet day" - argghhh, it's the end of term, we're all tired and we all have things we could be doing in our free periods that don't involve covering your snuggle time!!

Original poster
Sparklingbaubles · 14/12/2011 10:03

I don't work but I have an appointment I have to keep at 12 so have rung my Mum who can fortunately stay here with him while I go.

I have never kept them off because they were tired but DS2 is quite bad for making a speedy recovery once school has been phoned. Angry At least by 12 they are quite genuine (well Ds1 is).

We have had the 'Every lesson Counts' and harping on about attendance percentages quite a lot lately from both schools.

OP posts:
Gonzo33 · 14/12/2011 10:12

I work in a school and I don't understand why sickness is not taken out of the equation when working out attendance. Especially when you have children like cory's who have no choice but to stay off.

On a personal level I have been very lucky with my children, they are both relatively healthy. However I am currently off because my youngest has awful tonsilitis (again) and her tonsils are so swollen she is throwing up the food that she is trying to eat (even mash potato etc). I feel guilty for being off of work.

squeakytoy · 14/12/2011 10:14

He is 12, surely you can leave him on his own for a while?

trixie123 · 14/12/2011 10:15

Married really, you let them have a day off when they are behind with homework? Hmm Presumably then they are even more behind because they have to catch up both classwork and any homework set THAT day, it can balls up group work and the teacher (and yes I am one) has to mark the work out of sync and chase it up. Not sure who it helps in the long run. OP, YANBU to feel a bit pissed off that your day is maybe not going to go as planned but yes, if he's ill enough to be off school, surely sympathy for him should be top of the agenda. Why don't you write the day off a bit, get him some treats and sit and watch films all day?

DoesNotGiveAFig · 14/12/2011 10:18

Do these "attendance targets" have consequences of any kind if they aren't met? I understand attendance certificates to encourage attendance but I wholeheartedly disagree with penalising sick children.

If there aren't any consequences of significance, I say fuck 'em and don't worry, just worry about your DS being happy. If they tried to exclude him from anything due to days off sick, fight tooth and nail for him then. :)